I had to lay my bike down under similar circumstances to yours , about the time you joined the site here . I set aside riding for about 30 years because of being run off the road when I was younger . I'm older now , and like to think I'm a bit wiser and a tad more cautious , still it happened again to me just months after climbing back in the saddle !!
Like you , my most recent accident has replayed in my mind many times , and during the 2 months it took me to put my bike back together , I debated internally if it was worth it .
I decided since bikes have a mass at least 4 times less than anything else on the road if it came to it , I would lose in any kind of direct collision (any bike rider would !!) , so the next best thing was to become hyper vigilant and defensive . An example is riding in a drivers blind spot , unavoidable at times , but my spider senses kick into overdrive when I may be in that situation . I am poised to downshift and accelerate past that spot (if possible) , have the upgraded horns , ready to brake into a position that allows the knucklehead to enter the lane I occupied a split second before or worst case scenario , just eat some dirt if I ABSOLUTELY have to ..
I commute about 60 miles daily and my morning ride into work is in the dark before 6 AM . I don't have to worry much about drunks on the road at that hour (maybe I do ?) but those that are still half asleep are just as bad . I get somebody changing lanes into me weekly and even an air horn doesn't wake them up (Yes ! I put an air horn on my Honda !) 135 Db of "Wake up , you "poo poo" Head !!"
My point being , I guess , is that as motorcycle riders we cant rely on others to be as observant and vigilant as they should be . I prefer to think as a bike rider that we are in another Class of drivers . We have More situational awareness , ability to assess and act upon crucial split second information with the ultimate goal of saving our skins in unexpected driving situations , and we have a vehicle that is more maneuverable and responsive than any cage out there .
I've fallen short of my own expectations in these things a couple times , and thankfully walked away with only a few bruises and a banged up ego . This includes my years chasing Jackrabbits around on the desert too ! So I am in No Way perfect , in fact I'd most likely be a poster child for "What Not to Do" !
I do try to drive defensively rather than aggressively , but its difficult to anticipate every stupid move that another driver might do to endanger you when you are riding . That's the risk we take as riders on a motorcycle . I took a 30 year break for the same reasons you expressed . I'm back on a Bike for the joy and freedom it affords me .
Am I a bit frightened every morning when I leave the driveway ? Hell Yes !! and some mornings I will take my truck to work just because it feels like the right thing to do . Why ?? Cant tell Ya ,, other than my gut says to , I trust that and always will . I trust it when it says "Watch Out!" on my rides too .
I don't know you personally Twila, but I am intimately familiar with what is kicking around between your ears . The advice you have been given is good advice so far as it goes , but I might add this one thing . you will know when it is time to get back on , don't push yourself if you don't feel ready . A month , a Year , or several if at all , its up to you . I'm not of a mind to say live , ride or die trying ,,it more about living the ride and loving it .. When you are ready you'll know .
I just wish the drivers license Bureau would issue either 12 Ga Shark sticks or allow .50 Cal mounts on motorcycles to use on negligent drivers . I'll yield my lane to an unaware driver because the math isn't in my favor if I don't , but that doesn't mean that I have to like it !!
