This does not seem to be showing the pics and vids but they are on the site I made.
http://myworld691.webs.com/index.htm
18.05 on the 8th May 2008 is a time and date that I will always remember, it was the day that I was wiped out and set over the top of a car then trown down the road to a very painful landing. Like most crashes it came right out of the blue and I will try and give the best account of what happened and why so you don't get the same.
I'd run out of smokes and was going to shops, just a short 2 mile session and I was going to take the car but as I came out the front door the sun shone and there on the phone seat was my helmet and keys.
So I smiled as one does and so it was only 2 miles but it was 2 miles that I could use the bike, if I was in the living room and wanted the toilet I'd take the bike and ride it up the stairs if I could! Any chance to get on the bike is a good enough reason to go for a ride.
So it was that I popped back in the house and swaped my gear, popping on my Altberg boots and armour. There is never ever a reason to get on a bike in training shoes or bloody flip flops. It makes not a jot of difference how 'tough' you think you are, the body has limits and your bike exceeds those limits. I don't want to come across as action man but every job I have had has involved violence in some way. From the Military to Prisons to Armed Police and would not dream of setting my arse on a bike without PPE (personal protection equipment) EVER!
I got around the corner of my estate, a road I obviously know well and onto the main road that gets used by commuters going to Ormskirk. It was busy but not overly so, a bright dry clear day with no obstructions top vision. I puttered along at 30mph rather happy and enjoying the breeze.
The road leads on to a left turn side junction and I could see a car to my right has stopped and indicates that it wants to cut across into the junction on my left, fine. I can see a car in that junction wanting to pull out into main traffic to go the opposite direction to me. This means it wants to cut across my road to do so, fine.
The car on my right has flashed the car in the junction to come out and the car in the junction has moved out to the road. I was close enough for this to make me frown but I have seen Cagers do sumber things and I am going slow enough that I know am safe and not need to brake.
So, that car has pulled across to the middle of the road to join the main flow of traffic as I am right on the junction and in the line of sight of the car waiting to go into the junction. This means the car wanting to go in the junction is 'blind' to my side of the road. NO ONE pulls out blind right!?
WRONG! As I came level with the car that had pulled out I am greeted with a side view of two silver doors. My eyes went wide and then BANG. It is THE oddest feeling when you know you are going to crash, perhaps a 1/4 of a second in real time and I felt myself learch forward.
In that time your mind races but I could come up with nothing as I hit the car, I heard the bang and saw myself go through my own screen and all I could think was, STAY RELAXED JAMES. I thought there was a very good chance it was all just going to go black and warm and that would be the end of James691!
It did go black and warm and I thought it was over, all finnished and I had som many things I wanted to do. It felt like about 10 seonds but time is slowed in perception of an accident. Then I felt the pain, sweet beautiful pain of being alive. I remember the feeling of sprawling and rolling down the road and trying to tuck my arms in like a Para roll but it was too fast and too strong.
The pain was my back as I first hit the ground and then I stop rolling and roar. I keep still, so very very still and let my body tell me where I am injured. Information ripping through my mind to make choices.
James you got trashed by a car, I can hear a female voice screaming, is it a passer by or the driver, don't look up KEEP STILL. Where am I? am in the road, I can see the tarmac and hear foot steps running over. The traffic must be stopped and you're not going to be mown over KEEP STILL!
What hurts, what's numb, whats injured James, think think think. It was not 'pain' by I knew my left hand was injured badly and my right leg at the lower section was saying 'pain'. Pain in my right leg, EXCELLENT my backs not broke KEEP STILL JAMES!
I could see my left hand as I came to a stop in the recovery position. It's disfigured at the thumb and bleeding at the finger tips, fine, whatever, that can be fixed IGNORE IT and KEEP STILL.
Pain in the leg, was tha phantom pain or actual pain, was I so keen to feel my legs that I was makig up pain signals to ease my mind that I was not back broken on the road?
I chat to myself in my head as I lay on the road montionless. THINK! You're in shock, take a second and access the situation, what can you feel, see, hear. Is there anyone saying 'Oh my god look at his 'whatever'? NO, there is screaming but it's not about me I don't think, it's the driver. It's a female, god damn it! No chance of healing up and popping around for a man to man chat then.
Someone is talking to me! Open your eyes James and answer, let him know you are alive and NOT to move you, get information, information, INFORMATION!
What is he saying? I don't know...listen, FOCUS James. It's the First Aider patter, I've heard it from my own lips many times before "poo poo"! He's not going to tell me anything about the injuries.
Regulate yourself James, how is your breathing, stay relaxed. My ribs hurt, are they hurt due to a break or just bounced? Is the pain true or so injured that the pain is numbed, think think.
I tell the voice where I am injured and can they see any serious bleeding? 'You're fine mate, keep still, you're fine' Aww "poo poo" more first aid patter. How do I explain that I get injured all the time and want to know what is bust so I can get it fixed. I keep still but am focused on my breathing and heart beat to let me know if am getting volemic shock or just trauma shock. Do I feel warm wet fluid anywhere? Nope, then the twos are in my ears, the two tone wail of a siren.
'The ambulance is on the way mate I can hear it, just keep still' That's not an ambulance I think to myself, I know that sound, it's a Bobbie.
It's so weird but the sound kicks me into Bobbie mode, I need witnesses and a traiage of the sceen. Did anyone see this? I shout and the voice at my side replies "yes mate, your going to be okay". Is anyone else hurt? "don't worry about that now mate" That's not what I mean but okay. Don't move anything, can someone get my bike keys, don't move my bike!
Then there they are, a pair of well worn and dirty black magnums, thank god! Shiny clean boots means probation Officer!
"How is he?" I can hear the Bobby ask "He's fine mate" I hear the reply "Been talking all the time". "ok" then the tone changes and "You alright there mate, you've been in.." I know this patter and I speak to the boots "Am a Bobby" I called back. "You're a what?" came the reply "A Bobby!" I answer. The tone becomes rushed now "Okay mate, okay, just keep still you know the drill"
There is some distant patter on the radio and then he is gone. Good! he has gone to assess the scene and called it in. Wails of twos now in all directions and I was told later that 5 Police cars are on scene in 4 mins from the call. This is normal but it was nice to imagine that it was because one of our own was down.
The firecrew turn up and am now talking to a Fireman, I chat to let him know am fine and make a joke about this being my first day of leave and we do the usual first aid patter of jokes. Am covered whith Fire fighter HiVis jackets as seering pain shoots up my right leg. They take the jacket off the legs and up to mid thigh. Thank Christ! The pain is real, I can FEEL my leg but keep still James keep still.
26 minutes into the crash and the medics are here at last. They go through the procedure with the expected professional slick rehearsed speed and I find myself on a spinal board being taped down.
The medic lead is a woman and not bad looking I may add, am injured NOT dead! And as I lay there in the road she reaches over to pull the velcro strap I get a set of paps in the face! I lay there motnionless looking at a pair of breasts 2 inches from my nose and TRIED to be mature. I failed! "Hello boys" I heard myself say and she looked down and laughed then squated to lift me and the spnal board to the sound of a loud rip. I tried not to laugh as it hurt but she had bust the seam of her all in one green jumpsuit and you just have to laugh at the absured. I was being carted to the ambulance on a spinal board with some poor female medic in bust pants with her arse and knickers hanging out the back.
I get the entonox gas and have a go on that, it does the job well and I think back to the games in the RAF. NItro knock out was the main one on, my god it has been over 15 years? I still remember playing that. Two squaddies with NOZ taped over the mouth and doing press ups till one falls flat on his face.
Anyway enough of my shinanigans, am in the A&E and my sister comes flying in with floods of tears. It has been reported that I was dead by the on lookers. It seems that it was quite the visual sight. I ride large enduro bikes, this means you sit upright and not cowered over the tank. The impact had sent me forward but also UP. I was thrown over the car roof in a cartwheel and this was why I had landed spining on the road.
Am all taped to a spine board and tubed up but I do my best to ease Deb's mind that am not dead and not going to be dead. I think the fact that I was 'covered' at the scene may have gave the impression I was dead.
Am being assessed now and having my gear cut off, man I JUST bought all this stuff! But I can now see my left hand clearly and it's "messed", the thumb is a lump and the finger nails are missing. I feel okay, it hurts but I was just smashed and thrown, of course it was going to hurt, get on with it James. Before I know it am being injected with morphine "this is for the pain, you may feel whoosy". I did not get to say anything and am jabbed! Ah whatever, am not 'hurting' but it's not going to ...... "fudge" me WHAT WAS IN THAT! WHOOSH and the only thing I can possibly describe it as is having half a bottle of Jack Daniels cramed striaght in a vien! Awww NO!! Am now 'drunk' out of my mind and surrounded by good looking women in nurses uniforms cutting off my clothes, if I had a large chicken keebab the scene would be complete!
Dougie!! Is the name of the junoir Doc in A&E, a quite, shy, nerdy, oriental, accidemic type, as you would expect form a junior Doctor I guess. I had a laugh with little Dougie and did my best to make him smile. I don't recall THAT much as I was out of it and I do apologise to any and all women within hitting on distance of me whislt in that state!
Am asked my pain level, 1 being nothing and 10 being agnoy and tell him "Hmm about a 2" he looks shocked and this is not because I think am a hardcase am just used to discomfort I guess. I was injured but unless you pressed it I was ok. Pain for me is 1 - normal state of something being sore as something always is on me and 10 - I'll tell you anything you want to know about anything that I know. I was a long arsed way from 10.
So poor Dougie has to do my spinal exam and presses down my spine as the Consulatnt looks on. "Does that hurt?" The Consultant asks with eash press of Dougie's hand "nope, nope, nope" is the reply I give. "Okay, he is just going to feel around your back passge" I hear "He's going to try what!" I reply to a pause. I thought I had better break the ice of the pause as the Consultant does not know me "Not even a bunch flowers first Dougie?!" and I can hear sniggers. Dougie presses on my lower spine at the top of the crack of my arse and I hear "Does that hurt?" I lifted a brow and replies "No, but if that finger gets any lower Dougie am not going to be the only one in this A&E with a broken arm".
Am soon off to get my casts and so on having has xray and have a smashed left thumb and broken my right leg. Then off to the ward and more pain killers and all I do is drift in and out of sleep. People come in to see me but am not sure who they are or why they are there. I get sent down to have my thumb set and get injections of lignicane into the jont, okay that just went to a 4! Owww. Much pulling and tugging of the thumb and I am sat in the corridor with a cast on hand!?!
A gentleman passing by takes an interest and I explain what is happened as this is a teaching hospital. I tell him about my fears of not using a gun anymore and vague stuff about being a Firearms Officer. It turns out he is the leading hand surgeon at the place and he makes a call and am off to surgery within the hour!
Am stuck in there for a few days and my Chief Inspector comes to see me but am smashed on codiene and think he is another consultant. Am not impressed it seems when he does not know the answer to my questions about when I can go home and will I be able to ride and or carry a gun again. "Am not sure" "You'll need to see the Doctor about that" was the answers to my questions and I though what kind of lame arsed Consultant are you! But I smiled and he heads off leaving me best wishes as the nurse comes in with MORE drugs.
I was about to say what a crap Consultant he was when the nurse said "Well that was nice of your Boss to come in" I had a moment of clarity and my stomach dropped, you do not see Chief Inspectors unless your in the "poo poo" really and he was in plain clothes. I TREID to think what I had said, please tell me you never told him to '"fudge" off' James! I have caught up with him at work and explained the situation, phew. Work has been outstanding about the whole matter and the fact it took over 6 months to get back to my job and 10 months to get me back on firearms. That was done today (17th Feb 2009)
!!When I got home I was as much use as an ashtray on a Honda Blackbird, left arm and right leg made it a nightmare to get the most basic tasks done, so I sat, I ate and I sulked a lot. Am sure that was not a fun time for the family! Me and doing nothing is NOT a good combonation at all.
I had never had any of my bones broken before *except the nose of course* and how ITCHY those damn casts are. I became an expert with the knitting needle scratch and ahhhhh to sweet, sweet relief!
Me! Sitting and sulking and thinking if I will ride a bike again or pick up a gun again ever. It was not a happy time for me at all.
I have to go to review after review after review and xray but am very keen to get back in shape as soon as possible! My hand has been wired up and I am sick of not being mobile. Work is fantastic and everyone sends best wishes. It was very weird that the most UNhuman department at work is human resources, they simply seem to deal with policy and money! Computer says this, manual says that and you get computer generated mail from them about pay and so on. I'll not go on a rant about it, I have just never had much time for pen pushers but I do see the need for them. I do see HR as the 'them' in the 'them and us' they are the deparment that want to cut your money, SQUEEZE you untill you break, play with contracts and add, remove, amend or tinkr with employment law that benifits the budget and not you. This is all covered with buzz terms like 'value for money' ' best possible professional practice' in short this means getting you to do as much work as possible with as few people as possible for the least amount of money whilst knowing nothing about public service or being a Police Officer. Anyway, the less I say about 'them' the better my mood is so I will move on.
The main cast and dressing comes off but the wires still in and I still do not know if I have a job to go back to or not at this stage. Many painful month of physio ahead after I get all the wires out of my hand!
The leg cast is off after 6 weeks, THANK CHRIST! But am shocked at the amount of muscle I have lost and this is going to be a long long road to getting back to shape. Added to the fact that I have been eating like I am still training but without the training element has seen a rather profound increase in gut mass!
Dressing change is an odd time and seeing wires sticking out of your hand is weird in the extreme but there is no pain unless I bang the wires trying to pick something up.
A quick video clip to let work know how am going and what stage I am at.
Am still waiting for the swelling to go down and having xray upon xray to see how the new joint is getting on but I will not know what it is like to move until I get the wires out and start working the muscles again.
Last vid I made of the hand before I headed up to the Police rehab centre in Scotland. It was a long slow recovery and a long side the physical injury is the psychological issues that come with a crash.
I was fine that I would heal, to what degree I was not sure and if I would have to change jobs or perhaps never ride a motorbike again. I can deal with that if I have to but obviously would rather that I have my job back and get on the bike.
It is the getting back on the bike that is the mental issue. I had real problems with getting any sleep for months after and all I would see was those two silver metal doors of the car just before the crash. I knew I was going to crash and there was nothing I could do about it. Left helpless as a child in the lap of the gods was a horrible feeling that I cannot fully describe.
It left me with bad moods and I mean BAD snappy angry moods, memory being shot to "poo poo" to the stage I was writing everything down on post notes. From banking to 'brush your teeth' on the bedroom door.
I could not sit in a car as a passanger without extreme anxiety, every junction, every car at a junction WAS about to pull out on me. A place that held so much comfort for me was stolen. The crash had robbed me of my road and of my confidence. This I expected and tried to deal with using logic and my own determination. But the problem was, the fear, was just not going away! This made me very angry as I am not one to have much time for fear and feelings that I had become a coward would send me into fits of rage but not able to go the gym and work it off.
I see mental health exactly the same as physical health. If I hurt my leg I sort it out, if it remains injured then I see a Doctor about it and get physio. The head is just the same, I was expexting to feel sick and so on when seeing crashes on you tube and feeling nerves on the road, that I see as nothing more than a 'sprain'. Time, rest and heal and back yopu go but this was going on too long so I sorted out some CBT (just like the bike test yay!) Cognative Behaviour Therapy.
So, some sessions with Brian and we find where the block is, I get some homework to do and I do the techniques he tells me out on the road. Bit by bit and stage by stage, just like the gym, you don't lift 50kg right off, you go with what you can do, warm up, then build up over time. The mind is just the same.
Am back on the bike now and back on the roads and I have lost count of the amont of people that I need to thank for all this from start to finnish but thank you
James691
