OUTSOURCING

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oldnslo
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OUTSOURCING

#1 Unread post by oldnslo »

Congress today announced that the Office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to overseas interests as of September 30th, the end of this fiscal year. The move is being made to save not only a significant portion of the President's $400k annual salary, but also the record $521 billion in deficet expenditures and related overhead.
"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be significant" stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds [R-Wash]. Reynolds, with the aid of the GAO [General Accounting Office], has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time. Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be assuming the office of President of the United States as of October 1.
Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his parents were vacationing in Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 [USD] a month but with no health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the US government will be open.
"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American Express call center," stated Mr. Singh in an interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be president someday."
A congresional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may no be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of the President, this should not be a problem. Mr. Singh will rely on a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using this tree, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issues at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson, "Mr. Bush has used them successfully for years."
Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible for $240 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately, he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the income limit for that program.
Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him wrire a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulty in securing a new position due to limited practical work experience. One possibility is re-enlistment in the Army National Guard. Should he choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited.
"I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport nonsmoking terminal and gift shop.
Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with details of his arrival so that they might arrange an apprpriate welcome.
John
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