New Rules

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SuperRookie
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New Rules

#1 Unread post by SuperRookie »

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

 

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

 

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

 

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

 

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

 

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

 

New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his "O Ring" will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

 

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the "O Ring" hole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a hugeass hole.

 

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

 

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your "O Ring". And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

 

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

 

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

 

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

 

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the equivalent of looting.
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Dirtytoes
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Re: New Rules

#2 Unread post by Dirtytoes »

SuperRookie wrote:
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

lol, i don't know if you saw it or not, but a few days months ago, this 15 or 16 year old kid had sex with a killer hot 27 year old blonde teacher....and the f*cking idiot REPORTED her!

...i think she's in jail now....because of some ungrateful kid. :bash:
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Re: New Rules

#3 Unread post by mydlyfkryzis »

Dirtytoes wrote:
SuperRookie wrote:
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

lol, i don't know if you saw it or not, but a few days months ago, this 15 or 16 year old kid had sex with a killer hot 27 year old blonde teacher....and the f*cking idiot REPORTED her!

...i think she's in jail now....because of some ungrateful kid. :bash:
She escaped Jail. They threw the case out for lack of evidence. She had pleaded guilty to a 6 month sentence. The judge thought it was too lenient and refused to honor the plea agreement. The prosecutor , who didn't have enough evidence to convict with a jury, dropped the charges. The kid who had sex with her did not report her and refused to testify against her. Another kid, who knew both of them, who did NOT get to have sex, reported them.
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Re: New Rules

#4 Unread post by BuzZz »

mydlyfkryzis wrote: ... The judge thought it was too lenient and refused to honor the plea agreement........
They can do that? Kinda makes an plea agreement useless don't it? And with law enforcement relying so much on such agreements, they are shooting themselves in foot with such tactics, ain't they?
No Witnesses.... :shifty:

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#5 Unread post by SuperRookie »

Hey...the only thing I can say about sexy hot teachers having sex with a student is...where the hell were these teachers when I was in high school??? :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
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#6 Unread post by rodzbike »

Amen Rookie!
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#7 Unread post by CNF2002 »

Yeah, then the 'hot' teacher gets pregnant and sticks the 15 year old with child support for 18 years so he cant afford to go to college and spends his life flipping hamburgers, while she lives off her part time job and her husbands 100k/yr income and uses the extra money from the kid to finance a BMW and splurge on jewerly, just because she gets off on a sick power trip of seducing and manipulating little boys, does little to no time and gets a book deal and a spot on Opera.

Lucky him.
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#8 Unread post by CORSCO »

I almost had a teacher-student thing happen to me during a school ski trip. To be honest, that was the only reason I went because she asked me to. Man, those were the days. By the way, I was the student...not the teacher.
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#9 Unread post by CNF2002 »

Really? a 15 yo high school student would jump at the chance to sleep with his hot 25yo teacher?

Gee, what a surprise. Thats not really the point. I bet that same teenager would love to smoke pot and ride on the hood of a car down a steep hill into a river on a hot summer day, but we wouldn't congradulate any adult who sold him weed and jumped into the car to do it for him, now would we??
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Re: New Rules

#10 Unread post by ZooTech »

SuperRookie wrote:New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your "O Ring". And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
HaHA!!! Touche'! I'm borrowing this one for my next family reunion! :laughing:

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