a funny...

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Deejay
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A ship was sailing the seven seas

#81 Unread post by Deejay »

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea,
a captain and his crew were always in danger
of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship.

One of Her Majesty's Ships was sailing one day,
when they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party
to try and board their ship.
The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm.

He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on.
Then he led his crew into battle against the ferocious pirates.
Although there were some casualties among the crew,
the pirates were defeated.
Later that day, the lookout called out that there were two pirate vessels
sending two boarding parties towards their ship.
The crew was nervous, but the Captain was calm as ever,

He bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"

Once again a pitched battle ensued!
The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties,
though this time more casualties occurred.
Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night,
recounting the day's events. An ensign looked at the Captain and asked,
"Sir, why do you call for your red shirt before each battle?"
The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give,
growled, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood,
so you men will continue to fight unafraid."
The men sat in silence, amazed at the courage of their captain.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout called out that there were pirate ships,
10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way.
The men became silent
and looked to the Captain for his usual command.
.
.
.
.
.

The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my brown pants!!!'
Deejay
All-season rider
[url]http://motodometer.blogspot.com[/url]

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dr_bar
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#82 Unread post by dr_bar »

Borrowed... Well maybe stolen, from another site................


A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger.

His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the boy continues.

'Johnny!' Mom screams. 'Knock it off!.' You're goingto break something. He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center.



Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for the store. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it.

Mom comes in and while putting away the grocery gets the urge, a diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes.

When she's finished, she looks down and can'tbelieve what she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.

When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom andhe gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc…

"Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks.

He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever actually seen a fart
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Four wheels move the body.
Two wheels move the soul!"

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#83 Unread post by dr_bar »

Women's Azz Size Study-- There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association - about women and how they feel about their azzes.
The results are pretty shocking:

1. Only 5% of women surveyed feel their azz is too big.

2. 10% of women surveyed feel their azz is too small.

3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man and they would have married him anyway
:roll: :mrgreen: :laughing: :roll: :mrgreen: :laughing: :roll: :mrgreen: :laughing:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Four wheels move the body.
Two wheels move the soul!"

blues2cruise
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new biker joke

#84 Unread post by blues2cruise »

A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home,
alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black
motorcycle pulls up beside her.

After following along for a while, turns to her and asks,

"Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"

"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.

The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks,
"Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back."

"NO!" says the little girl as she hurries down the street.

The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says,
"Okay kid, my last offer! I'll give you 20 Bucks "and" a Big Bag of Candy
if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go
for a ride."

Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and Screams Out...





"Look Dad" "You're the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley"!

"YOU RIDE IT!"
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dr_bar
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#85 Unread post by dr_bar »

Dave was attending his biker club's monthly meeting and had just told them he couldn't make the camping trip scheduled for the next day because his wife wouldn't let him go.

After listening to the jeers and other remarks from his fellow biker buddies Dave left to go back home to his wife.

When Dave's friends started arriving to set up camp the next day, who should be there but Dave sitting in front of his bike, tent up, beer in hand, camp oven roast stewing away in a hot bed of coals.

"How did ya talk your wife into letting you go Dave?"

"I didn't have to" was Dave's reply. "When I left the meeting I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows. Then my wife snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'!"

When I peeled her hands back she was standing there in a beautiful see-through negligee and she said, "Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want."

So here I am!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Four wheels move the body.
Two wheels move the soul!"

blues2cruise
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#86 Unread post by blues2cruise »

:laughing:
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redwing
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True Story

#87 Unread post by redwing »

True story with a joke in the middle.

I'm a dealer at a gambling in Louisiana. I was dealing to four men and a woman. The woman was a blonde. One of the men asked the blonde if she would be offended by a 'blonde joke.' The (blonde) lady said she wouldn't be offended and he should tell the joke.
Ths is the joke...

There were three women who had escaped from jail. A blonde, a red head, and a brunette. They were trying to escape by running cross- country. The 3 ladies could see the police off in the distance so they went into a barn to hide. In the barn were large toe sacks of potatoes. They each got into an empty bag to hide. The police quickly found the barn and began to search for the escapees.
A police man moved the sack with the red head in it. The red head said, 'MEOW,'
Another policeman moved the sack with the brunette in it. The brunette said,'WOOF.'
Finally a policeman moved the sack with the blonde in it. The blonde said, 'POTATOE.'

The blonde woman at the gambling asked, 'Now what did the red head say?'
2008 BMW R1200R and is it sweet...

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Re: a funny...

#88 Unread post by dr_bar »

Got this in an email and had to share. I don't have a clue what he's saying but I like his sense of humour... :twisted:



(Because of my bandwidth limitations, this link will only be up for a short while...)
Last edited by dr_bar on Tue Aug 03, 2010 7:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Four wheels move the body.
Two wheels move the soul!"

jaskc78
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Re: a funny...

#89 Unread post by jaskc78 »

that's awesome.
"Dude, women are like Vol-Tron. The more you can hook up the better it gets!" --RvB
Currently waiting on a new hip before I can get a new bike.

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Re: a funny...

#90 Unread post by Wrider »

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more
curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?' Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mom,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Brian

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:
Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom


LESSON OF THE DAY - NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER!
Have owned - 2001 Suzuki Volusia
Current bike - 2005 Kawasaki Z750S
MMI Graduation date January 9th, 2009. Factory Certifications in Suzuki and Yamaha

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