a funny...

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Hondagirl
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Re: a funny...

Unread post by Hondagirl » Fri Oct 08, 2010 7:06 pm

go right ahead! I stole it too :goof:
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Re: a funny...

Unread post by Hondagirl » Sat Oct 16, 2010 7:33 pm

In an office:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW


In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT


In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS


In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN


In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD


Outside a secondhand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?


Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS


Spotted in a safari park:

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR


Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR


Notice in a farmer's field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

My fave:
On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
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Re: a funny...

Unread post by shovelhead13 » Mon Nov 22, 2010 11:20 am

There is one thing that ought to crack every biker up. Choppers can be just like wild horses.

(link removed - Admin -- ed. I see this is your first post and your promoting your site. I don't think our members want to visit a site to read 4 pages of back links in a drunk biker story...thanks).

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Re: a funny...

Unread post by wuyang » Tue Dec 28, 2010 3:07 am

Funny

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Re: a funny...

Unread post by blues2cruise » Thu Dec 30, 2010 11:35 pm

I heard this on the bus last night.

Why can't blind people go skydiving?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
cuz it scares the krap out of the dog.

:laughing:
Image

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Re: a funny...

Unread post by Hondagirl » Fri Feb 04, 2011 9:12 am

:mrgreen:


Why Pirates look like they do…

A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't
Seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible." "What do you
mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a
Cannon ball, but I'm fine now."

The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What
happened to your hand?"

The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and
got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook
but I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds
flew over. I looked up, and one of them pooped in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just
from bird poop."

"It was my first day with the hook."


:boxed:
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Re: a funny...

Unread post by dr_bar » Tue Mar 01, 2011 1:58 am

Vancouver severe weather article Canadian Press, 
February 23. 2011
 
 
Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter 
hell today, as an additional ¼  centimeter of the peculiar white stuff 
fell,  bringing the Lower Mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars 
worth of damage to the marijuana crops. Scientists suspect that the substance is 
some form of frozen water particles and experts from  Saskatchewan are being
flown in. 
 
With temperatures dipping to the almost but not quite near zero mark,
Vancouverites were warned to double insulate their lattes before 
venturingout.
 
Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for 
emergencies,   such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see 
them through Vancouver ' s worst storm to date. Local Canadian Tire stores
reported that they have completely sold out of fur-lined sandals.
  
Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and 
several have been shocked to learn that their SUV's actually have four wheel drive,
although most have no idea how to use it.
  
Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen 
breast implants.
Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health Authority reassured 
everyonethat most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25 below; however,
down-filled bras are flying off the shelves at Mountain Equipment Co-op.
  
"The government has to do something," snarled an angry 
Trevor  Warburton. "I didn't pay $850,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit 
around and be treated like someone from Toronto ."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Four wheels move the body.
Two wheels move the soul!"

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Re: a funny...

Unread post by totalmotorcycle » Tue Mar 01, 2011 5:17 am

"The government has to do something," snarled an angry
Trevor Warburton. "I didn't pay $850,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit
around and be treated like someone from Toronto "

LOL!! Funny.
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Re: a funny...

Unread post by dr_bar » Thu Mar 24, 2011 10:31 pm

For all my grammatically correct friends. (I stole this from another site....)


On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on anearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for.

The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder,warned,'This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say'1-2-3.'
When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."

The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked,"How do I stop the medicine from working?"

"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes,and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

.
.
.
.


And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end
our sentences with a preposition, because we
could end up with a dangling participle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Four wheels move the body.
Two wheels move the soul!"

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Re: a funny...

Unread post by blues2cruise » Thu Mar 24, 2011 11:49 pm

:laughing: :laughing:
Image

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Re: a funny...

Unread post by Hondagirl » Tue May 03, 2011 9:14 am

Real life e-mails.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.
Regards, David.


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.
Regards, David.


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,
You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
Yes please.
Regards, David.


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Attached <spider.gif>


From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?

Dear Jane,
Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.
Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,
Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95.
Please make this payment as soon as possible.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

Thankyou for contacting me.
I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.
Regards, David.

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.
Regards, David.


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,
As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

I understand and will definitely make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.
Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Attached <spider2.gif>
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Re: a funny...

Unread post by dr_bar » Sun Sep 11, 2011 4:14 am

Thought I'd share a cute news clipping...

Image
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Two wheels move the soul!"

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Re: a funny...

Unread post by dr_bar » Tue Mar 13, 2012 2:16 pm

I was eating lunch on the 30 of June with a friend and her 6-year-old
granddaughter. She was pretty animated as she talked about school and
friends and teachers.

As I sipped my coffee, I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?" She said "Canada
Day" She is a smart kid. So, I asked "What does Canada Day mean?"

Waiting for her reply with something about the flag, confederation etc., she
replied, "Canada Day is when Prime Minister Harper steps out of the
Parliament Building, and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of
unemployment."

You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Four wheels move the body.
Two wheels move the soul!"

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Re: a funny...

Unread post by blues2cruise » Sat Jan 26, 2013 2:24 am

Cell phone etiquette

We've all been where this young woman was and don't we wish we'd thought of doing what she did?

After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes.

As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart. It's Eric. I'm on the train."

"Yes, I know it's the six-thirty and not the four-thirty, but I had a long meeting."

"No, honey, not with that blonde from the accounts office. It was with the boss."

"No, sweetheart, you're the only one in my life." "Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart."

Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly. When the young woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone, "Eric, hang up the phone and come back to bed."

Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.
Image

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Re: a funny...

Unread post by dr_bar » Sun Jul 06, 2014 11:56 am

For those of you considering a new helmet, I think I've got just the one you need...
image.jpg
image.jpg (104.17 KiB) Viewed 2015 times
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Four wheels move the body.
Two wheels move the soul!"

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Re: a funny...

Unread post by dr_bar » Fri Apr 08, 2016 2:43 am

crow.jpg
crow.jpg (26.84 KiB) Viewed 1539 times
The calif D.O.T found over 200 dead crows on on Calif hwys recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the ...bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "bike"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Four wheels move the body.
Two wheels move the soul!"

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Re: a funny...

Unread post by Westerslow » Tue Feb 21, 2017 1:10 am


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