How to take a shower

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sunshine229
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How to take a shower

Unread post by sunshine229 » Tue Aug 23, 2011 1:32 pm

How To Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to
do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head... If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.



How To Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair.

Make a Shampoo Mohican.

Wee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.

Admire willy size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.
Andrea :sun:

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Re: How to take a shower

Unread post by blues2cruise » Tue Aug 23, 2011 9:59 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: How to take a shower

Unread post by Wrider » Wed Aug 24, 2011 12:11 am

First one sounds awful. Second one does sound about right though. I don't usually make a mohawk though. 2 or 3 inch long hair isn't long enough.
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Re: How to take a shower

Unread post by dr_bar » Wed Aug 24, 2011 11:46 am

Wrider wrote:First one sounds awful. Second one does sound about right though. I don't usually make a mohawk though. 2 or 3 inch long hair isn't long enough.
I guess you'll have to settle for a "Fauxhawk"...
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Re: How to take a shower

Unread post by mogster » Wed Aug 24, 2011 12:29 pm

Sunshine you didn't mention him cleaning out hairbrush & leaving hairball on edge of sink! :rant:

Then again that is a long hair issue :lol:
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Re: How to take a shower

Unread post by Wrider » Wed Aug 24, 2011 12:37 pm

mogster wrote:Sunshine you didn't mention him cleaning out hairbrush & leaving hairball on edge of sink! :rant:

Then again that is a long hair issue :lol:
Hairbrush? I know of hair, but what is this brush you speak of? Ohhh it's that thing I used to use but haven't in years now... :devil:
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Re: How to take a shower

Unread post by sunshine229 » Wed Aug 24, 2011 2:51 pm

Ha ha ha you guys are so funny! I thought the email joke was pretty good but your responses make it all the better. :mrgreen:
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Re: How to take a shower

Unread post by gerjets » Wed Aug 24, 2011 5:01 pm

Forgot one...singing Elvis tunes while thrusting hips wildly...or is that just me?

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Re: How to take a shower

Unread post by mogster » Wed Aug 24, 2011 7:03 pm

gerjets wrote:or is that just me?
Yup :lol:

Really bizarre but I met up with a girlfriend this evening for a drinkie & she suddenly presented me with a new hairbrush :wtf:

Turns out someone at her work was selling them cheap so she bought 10!! :lol:

& yes I have long hair too :party:
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Re: How to take a shower

Unread post by gerjets » Thu Aug 25, 2011 5:08 pm

@mogster...I used to have hair down my back but that was in the '70s. They took care of that when I joined the Army.

Luckily I haven't lost any of it. It's just not as long and for some reason has turned gray. Probably due to my family haha.

One of those brushes is sounding good :-)

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Re: How to take a shower

Unread post by ceemes » Sun Aug 28, 2011 9:21 am

Time a man spends in the bathroom taking care of the four S's ten to fifteen minutes max.
Time a woman spends in the bathroom taking care of the four S's (but only admitting to doing three of them) ten to fifteen hours....and that is if she is in a rush.
Always ask why.

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Re: How to take a shower

Unread post by dr_bar » Sun Aug 28, 2011 2:03 pm

Please clarify the "4" S's.

Pretty sure I know 3 of them...
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Re: How to take a shower

Unread post by ceemes » Sun Aug 28, 2011 3:30 pm

dr_bar wrote:Please clarify the "4" S's.

Pretty sure I know 3 of them...
Shite, Shower, Shave, Shampoo......of the four, women will only admit to the last three..... :mrgreen:
Always ask why.

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Re: How to take a shower

Unread post by dr_bar » Mon Aug 29, 2011 5:05 pm

I always included the shampoo with the shower...
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Re: How to take a shower

Unread post by blues2cruise » Mon Aug 29, 2011 8:39 pm

ceemes wrote:
dr_bar wrote:Please clarify the "4" S's.

Pretty sure I know 3 of them...
Shite, Shower, Shave, Shampoo......of the four, women will only admit to the last three..... :mrgreen:
Because some people act so stupid about a natural body function...they make jokes, humiliate and embarrass.....so it's better to be quiet and discrete.....
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Re: How to take a shower

Unread post by NorthernPete » Sat Sep 03, 2011 9:21 am

With my diet, that aint happening. Lol
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Re: How to take a shower

Unread post by Katharine » Thu Oct 13, 2011 9:01 pm

Almost died laughing because it's SO TRUE!!!

But for the men's part, they forgot "clip nails into sink, leave bits all over" and "turn off water but not shower, so when your SO goes to rinse the cat bowl under the bathtub faucet (while bending over into the bathtub to reach), the sound effects go like "*WHOOOOSH* 'AAAAGH!!! DAMMIT [your name]!!!!!'"

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Re: How to take a shower

Unread post by sunshine229 » Mon Oct 17, 2011 2:36 pm

Yeah it's truly a good one, eh?!
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Re: How to take a shower

Unread post by ceemes » Mon Oct 17, 2011 5:28 pm

Katharine wrote:Almost died laughing because it's SO TRUE!!!

But for the men's part, they forgot to "turn off water but not shower, so when your SO goes to rinse the cat bowl under the bathtub faucet (while bending over into the bathtub to reach), the sound effects go like "*WHOOOOSH* 'AAAAGH!!! DAMMIT [your name]!!!!!'"
We don't forget, we do it on purpose. Sometime you got to make your on entertainment, and that is great comedic entertainment. :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
Always ask why.

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