Community... Is it really???

Message
Author
User avatar
Rebeccaatthewell
Veteran
Veteran
Posts: 84
Joined: Fri Feb 13, 2004 9:34 pm
Sex: Male
Location: Florida

Community... Is it really???

#1 Unread post by Rebeccaatthewell » Sun Jun 26, 2005 11:37 pm

I found out that there are about 30 to 40 bikers that meet once a week to eat at this restaurant and look at each other's bikes, so I decided to go and see if I could join in with community because I don't have any friends that ride and in truth I don't know anyone that rides enough to go riding with them. But when I got there not one person, driver or passenger smiled at me or even said hey. I admit I wasn't dressed in black leather jackets or vests and didn't have on a Harley t'shirt or black boots, but I was very surprised that no one even tried to welcome me or make me feel like I was welcome. It is not an exclusive group and they don't consider themselves a club of any kind (This is what the person who goes every week and told me about them said). I was just saddened and surprised that this mythical concept of community doesn't seem to really exist . I also noticed 1 amazing chopper, a lot of Harley's and Honda s. In fact I did not see one bike besides mine that was a Suzuki. You guys who are members of groups, what do you do when an obviously new person shows up. Do you just ignore them or invite them inside? Maybe I am asking to much, I always thought motorcycle riders were (for the most part) a community that at least recognized each other, but now I really feel alone.
I guess I was just fooling myself that I belonged because I rode. What do you guys think?
Becca
The only time when evil can triamph, is when good men do nothing!

User avatar
honda599
Elite
Elite
Posts: 191
Joined: Mon Oct 04, 2004 12:53 pm
Sex: Male
Location: British Columbia, Canada

#2 Unread post by honda599 » Mon Jun 27, 2005 12:06 am

Hi Becca

Too bad you had such a negative experience with that group. I personally don't ride with a group or belong to any clubs. I enjoy taking some time to ride at my level and escape from it all. I have friends that ride and sometimes I call them up and go for a ride.

One event I like to ride is our local toy run, which accepts all bikers. We participate in a organized ride to raise toys and money for under privileged kids near Xmas.

I would like to think that a good group should accept and welcome you with open arms, besides I think women that ride are extra cool.

User avatar
Gummiente
Site Supporter - Platinum
Site Supporter - Platinum
Posts: 3477
Joined: Thu May 12, 2005 5:34 am
Real Name: Mike
Sex: Male
Years Riding: 38
My Motorcycle: 03 Super Glide
Location: Kingston, ON

#3 Unread post by Gummiente » Mon Jun 27, 2005 12:07 am

I've always made it a point to welcome new riders in any of the groups I've belonged to. Sounds like the ones you met - or tried to meet - weren't very sociable. Just out of curiosity, though, did any of them see you pull up on your bike? Perhaps they didn't notice your arrival and thought you were only a wannabe?

Anyway, I've experienced many times what you did today. Maybe give them one more chance or just find someone else to ride with - there's a lot of great people out there who don't care what you ride.
:canada: Mike :gummiente:
It isn't WHAT you ride,
It's THAT you ride

User avatar
scan
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 1492
Joined: Mon Feb 23, 2004 2:43 pm
Sex: Male
Years Riding: 8
My Motorcycle: 2003 Kawasaki ZRX1200R
Location: Yellow Springs, OH

#4 Unread post by scan » Mon Jun 27, 2005 1:22 am

I can only say I would be friendly. I see a mixed reaction depending where I go. There is a bike night near here every Wednesday. I go almost every week. I've gotten to know a few guys there and we talk every week now. It happened over time though, not the first day I showed up. I have spoken to others each week as well, and people are mostly friendly. Most weeks around 100 bikes show up, and mixed in there are clubs and cliques who would not socialize out of their group, and just come to be a part of the bike night - I guess. When I see riders out in the world at a stop, and we are both on bikes, I usually strike up a short conversation - usually about their bike. Most people love to talk about their bike.
* 2003 Kawasaki ZRX1200R *
"What good fortune for those of us in power that people do not think. " Hitler - think about that one for a minute.

User avatar
iwannadie
Legendary 1000
Legendary 1000
Posts: 1072
Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2004 12:40 pm
Sex: Male
Location: mesa, az

#5 Unread post by iwannadie » Mon Jun 27, 2005 2:42 am

scanevalexec wrote:When I see riders out in the world at a stop, and we are both on bikes, I usually strike up a short conversation - usually about their bike. Most people love to talk about their bike.
i kind of get sick of random people wanting to talk bikes with me when they see i have one. sure i like talking bikes but most of the time is some guy going on how he loves 'xxxx brand/model' and how thats the only bike hed ever ride, then a few minutes later you find out hes never rode or owned a bike but hes the proclaimed expert suddenly. i wish people would just ignore me most of the time ha.

same thing with guns, people see mine and ask 'hey is that a glock?'. my gun looks no thing like a glock, people are just familiar with that particular gun and then try to come off as an expert about guns. i was stuck in line with some guy going on about how glocks are the only gun worth owning. wouldnt accept any argument other wise i finally ask 'so what kind of glock do you have then?'. he never fired a gun before.
03 katana 600

User avatar
scan
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 1492
Joined: Mon Feb 23, 2004 2:43 pm
Sex: Male
Years Riding: 8
My Motorcycle: 2003 Kawasaki ZRX1200R
Location: Yellow Springs, OH

#6 Unread post by scan » Mon Jun 27, 2005 8:03 am

iwannadie wrote:
scanevalexec wrote:When I see riders out in the world at a stop, and we are both on bikes, I usually strike up a short conversation - usually about their bike. Most people love to talk about their bike.
i kind of get sick of random people wanting to talk bikes with me when they see i have one. i wish people would just ignore me most of the time ha.
So I take it that your advice is to not talk to anyone else? Do you think most people are annoyed when I ride up on a bike and ask about theirs? I'd still think it would be better to spread a sense of community.

And to address your issue with non-riders - I would still rather leave people with the impression that motorcyclist are a mostly friendly bunch. We have enough people affraid/misundestanding us are driving cages. Plus we have the squids helping to make us all look dangerous and stupid. We need all the good, possitive energy we can get.

But I accept I may be wrong all together and maybe I should shut up, keep to myself, and just ride. I know the idea that everyone wants to be left alone feels sad.
* 2003 Kawasaki ZRX1200R *
"What good fortune for those of us in power that people do not think. " Hitler - think about that one for a minute.

User avatar
poppygene
Legendary 500
Legendary 500
Posts: 620
Joined: Wed Jun 16, 2004 10:03 pm
Sex: Male
Location: Asheville, North Carolina

#7 Unread post by poppygene » Mon Jun 27, 2005 9:14 am

I think you've just happened upon a particularly un-friendly group, Becca. They're probably the kind who are too busy posturing to be concerned about or even notice anyone else.
There's a group ( I use that term loosely...) that meets at a spot not far from here every Thursday evening, weather permitting. It's not a club, per se, but they really are a very friendly bunch of folks, the common denominator being that everyone simply loves bikes and loves to ride. They bring an eclectic mix of bikes - everything from airhead Beemers to dual-sports and brand new Road Kings. And, yes, there are a couple lady-riders who come occasionally, too.

I guess my point is this: keep on looking for your group. When you find it, you'll be glad you didn't give up. Also, there's an old saying that goes something like this: To have a friend, you may find that you first have to be friendly. :wink:
Let me get this straight... it's one down and four up, right?

[img]http://img93.exs.cx/img93/7837/aread0hm.gif[/img]

User avatar
iwannadie
Legendary 1000
Legendary 1000
Posts: 1072
Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2004 12:40 pm
Sex: Male
Location: mesa, az

#8 Unread post by iwannadie » Mon Jun 27, 2005 9:20 am

scanevalexec wrote:
iwannadie wrote:
scanevalexec wrote:When I see riders out in the world at a stop, and we are both on bikes, I usually strike up a short conversation - usually about their bike. Most people love to talk about their bike.
i kind of get sick of random people wanting to talk bikes with me when they see i have one. i wish people would just ignore me most of the time ha.
So I take it that your advice is to not talk to anyone else? Do you think most people are annoyed when I ride up on a bike and ask about theirs? I'd still think it would be better to spread a sense of community.

And to address your issue with non-riders - I would still rather leave people with the impression that motorcyclist are a mostly friendly bunch. We have enough people affraid/misundestanding us are driving cages. Plus we have the squids helping to make us all look dangerous and stupid. We need all the good, possitive energy we can get.

But I accept I may be wrong all together and maybe I should shut up, keep to myself, and just ride. I know the idea that everyone wants to be left alone feels sad.
it all depends on the attitude, if someone wanders up and acts like my best friend suddenly because they start talking bikes then im annoyed. but if someone just throws out something about bikes to start conversation thats different. i jut dont like those 'experts' that just want to talk like they know everything suddenly because they see someone on a bike or whatever they take that que to try and show off their 'american chopper knowledge'
03 katana 600

User avatar
old-n-slow
Legendary 300
Legendary 300
Posts: 419
Joined: Mon May 24, 2004 9:54 pm
Sex: Male
Location: Victoria BC
Contact:

#9 Unread post by old-n-slow » Mon Jun 27, 2005 1:06 pm

iwannadie wrote:
i kind of get sick of random people wanting to talk bikes with me when they see i have one. sure i like talking bikes but most of the time is some guy going on how he loves 'xxxx brand/model' and how thats the only bike hed ever ride.
Were you looking in the mirror during this conversation? Sounds kinda like someone else we know. :clapping: :LOL2: :LOL2: :LOL2:
GarryS ---- "We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience."

User avatar
Rebeccaatthewell
Veteran
Veteran
Posts: 84
Joined: Fri Feb 13, 2004 9:34 pm
Sex: Male
Location: Florida

#10 Unread post by Rebeccaatthewell » Mon Jun 27, 2005 1:11 pm

I am going to give the group another chance because basically they are the ONLY group in this area (read small town here) and I know that I am very hesitant when meeting new people so I will go back. It just surprised me that they were not more open and/or friendly. There were a lot of woment there, most were passingers but several were riders although all but one were with husbends boyfriends etc.. Maybe it's the single girl rider complex, I don't know, men are afraid to talk to a female rider in case their girlfriend/wife gets mad and I don't know why the women wouldn't talk, the reasons could be endless. I will try once more, and I will even try to wear clothes that "fit in" with this group more. We shall see.

Becca
The only time when evil can triamph, is when good men do nothing!

racer
Rookie
Rookie
Posts: 15
Joined: Mon Jun 06, 2005 4:24 pm

#11 Unread post by racer » Mon Jun 27, 2005 1:42 pm

if you so not like the mood of being in the group, you can explore motoring for your own sake and hobby. or maybe then you should find a group which accepts you personally. :cry: :wink:

User avatar
ZooTech
Legendary 3000
Legendary 3000
Posts: 3137
Joined: Mon Jun 13, 2005 9:23 am
Sex: Male
Years Riding: 17
My Motorcycle: 2009 Kawasaki Nomad
Location: Ohio

#12 Unread post by ZooTech » Mon Jun 27, 2005 2:11 pm

Rebecca,

You went in to the situation expecting them to make the first move. Perhaps you need to be more social and approach people and introduce yourself. Or, maybe the "group" isn't as organized as you assume and not everyone knows eachother so they feel just as out-of-place as you do. Bottom line is, you are correct to assume that most bikers go against the biker stereotype and are actually decent people...but human relations are human relations, regardless of what vessel you use to draw them together (classic cars, guns, motorcycles) and just showing up has never been an instant membership to anything. I say this from personal experience because I have never felt as though I belong to anything, but that has more to do with neuropsychology than social awkwardness. Next time you go, hit up at least a half-dozen people and ask them about the dynamics of the group. Ask how many of them are aquainted with one another. Make some small talk and inquire about any upcoming rides. Personally, had I been there, I probably would have ignored you too...even though I'm single and don't have anyone to make jealous...because without some preemptive action from you, how do I know "Hubby" or "Boyfriend" isn't watching from a distance waiting to start trouble? A single female walking around is usually something to avoid in this troubled day and age.

User avatar
BuzZz
Site Supporter - Platinum
Site Supporter - Platinum
Posts: 4723
Joined: Sat Mar 20, 2004 6:02 am
Real Name: Never Used Here
Sex: Male
Years Riding: 38
My Motorcycle: makes my 'nads tingle
Location: Buttfluck Nowhere, Manitoba

#13 Unread post by BuzZz » Mon Jun 27, 2005 3:25 pm

zootech wrote:...because without some preemptive action from you, how do I know "Hubby" or "Boyfriend" isn't watching from a distance waiting to start trouble? A single female walking around is usually something to avoid in this troubled day and age.
This is something I noticed in the USA, but not in Canada. I've had 2 serious relationships with American women and both were fraught with such traps and complications. They seemed to thrive on it. I have never experianced it here with Northern Ladies. Then again, the American ladies seemed much more willing to participate in such activities themselves........ :humm:
No Witnesses.... :shifty:

User avatar
old-n-slow
Legendary 300
Legendary 300
Posts: 419
Joined: Mon May 24, 2004 9:54 pm
Sex: Male
Location: Victoria BC
Contact:

#14 Unread post by old-n-slow » Mon Jun 27, 2005 3:29 pm

Rebeccaatthewell wrote:I am going to give the group another chance because basically they are the ONLY group in this area (read small town here) and I know that I am very hesitant when meeting new people so I will go back. It just surprised me that they were not more open and/or friendly. There were a lot of woment there, most were passingers but several were riders although all but one were with husbends boyfriends etc.. Maybe it's the single girl rider complex, I don't know, men are afraid to talk to a female rider in case their girlfriend/wife gets mad and I don't know why the women wouldn't talk, the reasons could be endless. I will try once more, and I will even try to wear clothes that "fit in" with this group more. We shall see.

Becca
I find that when you get many people together they tend to gravitate to those they know, which may be why you were ignored. I ride with a group called the Southern cruisers riding club (SCRC) and when I first joined up with them they were friendly enough to greet me but that was about all. I had to make the first overtures and now --- they pretty well all know me and I them. If you're going to spend your life waiting for people to come to you you will not be as successful at meeting people as if you went to them. So in my opinion you have the right idea, go back, and keep going back. I can tell you from experience that the people in the group I ride with are absolutely awesome (once you get to know them) They are helpful beyond what I might ever have expected, to the point where I have to say that this is the best club I have ever belonged to......
GarryS ---- "We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience."

User avatar
mysta2
Legendary 300
Legendary 300
Posts: 361
Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2005 10:23 pm
Sex: Male
Location: Little Elm, TX.

#15 Unread post by mysta2 » Mon Jun 27, 2005 3:29 pm

I agree with some of what zootech said. I belong to a local car club and yeah when new people show up it's not that they're avoided or ignored, they're just treated like anyone else in the group, if they don't talk to anyone else it's likily that no one else will talk to them (unless they bring something spectacular that everyone wants to know about) because we don't know them any better than they know us.

I doubt it was that you were unwelcome, you probably just weren't any more or less welcome than anyone else there.

being a woman you face a bunch of other hurtles or helps, it could be that the married men are afraid to open a conversation with you infront of the gf/wife (seems silly though) and the single men are intimidated (here's an example of my own insecurities... In daytona last year there were these two bikini clad girls laying on the beach next to thier Gixxers, which just made them that much hotter... I would have loved nothing more than to go up to them and start a conversation, but I just don't have that kind of confidence... at least not without any help)

User avatar
ronboskz650sr
Legendary 750
Legendary 750
Posts: 995
Joined: Thu Sep 02, 2004 8:36 pm
Sex: Male
Location: Sedalia, Mo

#16 Unread post by ronboskz650sr » Mon Jun 27, 2005 4:32 pm

I'm sure you were noticed. Go on back if they do the kind of stuff you enjoy. I'm sure whoever noticed you the first time will eventually check you out, to make you welcome. If it takes a couple of tries, you decide if it's the kind of group you want to hang out with. In the meantime, you can be checking them out, too. Don't give up.
Ride safe...God bless!
-Ron
[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v398/ronboskz650sr/avatartotal.jpg[/img][img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v398/ronboskz650sr/wholebikeavatar2.jpg[/img]

User avatar
Rebeccaatthewell
Veteran
Veteran
Posts: 84
Joined: Fri Feb 13, 2004 9:34 pm
Sex: Male
Location: Florida

#17 Unread post by Rebeccaatthewell » Mon Jun 27, 2005 4:38 pm

I appreciate everyone's point of view and I do intend to try again, it is just hard for me to go to new places by myself :oops: I guess I am not the atypical rider and probally never will be :) Thanks for the input everyone.
Becca
The only time when evil can triamph, is when good men do nothing!

9000white
Site Supporter - Gold
Site Supporter - Gold
Posts: 1321
Joined: Sat Jan 22, 2005 8:30 am
Sex: Male
Location: atlanta georgia

#18 Unread post by 9000white » Mon Jun 27, 2005 6:05 pm

ride by yourself for yourself.them posers suck they aint got a clue.they were all probably too busy admiring themselves to notice you.
dr bob

User avatar
earwig
Site Supporter - Gold
Site Supporter - Gold
Posts: 984
Joined: Thu May 19, 2005 8:11 pm
Sex: Male
Location: New Jersey
Contact:

#19 Unread post by earwig » Mon Jun 27, 2005 6:55 pm

Becca..... I am thinking that maybe a lot of the people there thought you were with a man and were afraid to talk to you... none of us like to talk to chicks only to find out that they have a big jealous boyfriend or husband. If you go a few more times and you are sure they they know are alone try showing some cleavage and smiling that will definately do the trick, hehe.

User avatar
ronboskz650sr
Legendary 750
Legendary 750
Posts: 995
Joined: Thu Sep 02, 2004 8:36 pm
Sex: Male
Location: Sedalia, Mo

#20 Unread post by ronboskz650sr » Mon Jun 27, 2005 8:14 pm

When I was single, No such fear ever stopped me from approaching a woman I wanted to meet. Again, I think you'll be acknowledged if you persevere. People can be shy, nowadays. Besides, you're looking for riding friends. Maybe the person who pointed you this direction can go with you next time and introduce you around. Seems fair enough, don't you think? Best wishes with this...keep us posted!
Ride safe...God bless!
-Ron
[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v398/ronboskz650sr/avatartotal.jpg[/img][img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v398/ronboskz650sr/wholebikeavatar2.jpg[/img]

Post Reply