Since that was your first time on the road, I'd say that wasn't bad.
I assume you are practicing for "racing style". Personally, when I ride with people I hate being close together. We all keep our distance and do our own thing in the twisties/corners. I usually give about 5-10 car lengths before entering a turn when riding with friends... then again, we prefer more of the "racing style" too, where you use the whole lane.
I would echo some of the others and say work on your lines. They seemed inconsistant. I'm not talking about the leaning in the corners, especially since the road is new to you, and those corners were blind. You just need to work on your "attack vector" when you take a corner
I'd watch the video of yourself, then watch videos of other people (both bad and good, whatever you can find) and compare what you are doing and what other people are doing. If it is a bad rider, try to point out why, and make a note not to make those mistakes. If it is a good rider, see what they are doing that you aren't (or what they aren't doing that you are).
Just keep practicing.
Also, check out "Twist of the Wrist : The Motorcycle Roadracers Handbook", and "A Twist of the Wrist 2: The Basics of High-Performance Motorcycle Riding" by Keith Code. I think they are pretty good books.
