SV-Wolf's Bike Blog

[sv-wolf]

To clarify:

By 'colonial' I mean, of course, 'American' and probably also 'Australian' (Though the temptation to disown the Aussies is very great. Aussies are a total embarassment to all civilised standards of behaviour.) Canadians and Kiwis seem to have achieved a more mature culture (one closer to ours) - and have a more equable temperament than their excitable neighbours.

As far as the yanks go, that's probably down to the French influence again! Tell me wrider, how do you explain your use of the word 'apartment' (Fr. apartement) instead of 'flat', or 'vacation' (Fr. vacances) instead of 'holiday' and all the other suspiciously Gallic usages that occur within your quaint American dialect.

By 'yanks' I mean, of course, Americans. Only you colonials have ever troubled yourselves over the entirely trivial matter of your sub-cultural divisions. (We will not, of course, mention the Scots, here - a barbaric race with little hope of recovery.)



P.S. I mention these matters entirely for your own good.

[jstark47]

Tell me wrider, how do you explain your use of the word 'apartment' (Fr. apartement) instead of flat,

<<Ahem!!>>

My Dear Mr. Wolf,

"Flat" is an adjective (look up "adjective" in the dictionary, dear fellow) most appropriately applied to modify such nouns as "board", "New Jersey", or "chests" (of female English models)!!

[Johnj]

Tell me wrider, how do you explain your use of the word 'apartment' (Fr. apartement) instead of flat,

<<Ahem!!>>

My Dear Mr. Wolf,

"Flat" is an adjective (look up "adjective" in the dictionary, dear fellow) most appropriately applied to modify such nouns as "board", "New Jersey", or "chests" (of female English models)!!

Zing

[sv-wolf]

<<Ahem!!>>

My Dear Mr. Wolf,

"Flat" is an adjective (look up "adjective" in the dictionary, dear fellow) most appropriately applied to modify such nouns as "board", "New Jersey", or "chests" (of female English models)!!

Oh dear, Mr Stark, do you treat your women as ignorantly and crudely as you treat your (our!) language? The word ‘flat’ is derived from Old English ‘flet’ meaning a house or a floor and was therefore a noun long before it was an adjective. (It was ever the burden of the English to educate their colonial peoples into a sense of history.)


BTW, ‘flat-chests?’ What are they? (Whatever they are, we have clearly exported them all to America, where, to judge by what you say, they appear to be doing very well for themselves.)

‘Flat bottoms,’ I understand. Many boats built for navigating the Norfolk Broads have flat bottoms. And having chatted up a Norfolk broad or two there are many men who ended up flat broke – a condition frequently made worse by a necessary trip to a private clinic. (Norfolk is not a nice county. It is, however very ‘flat ’ [adj])

a "lift" is what we work with cars and bikes on, not what takes us to different floors!
Wrider

Good grief! Wrider. It may surprise you to know that the thing we use in England when working on cars and bikes is also called a "lift." Never having come remotely close to confusing myself with a motorcycle, however, this has not caused me a problem. If that changes, I'll let you know.

[Wrider]

Lol alright alright, you keep your messed up "English" and we'll continue to speak American. You know, that one language that anyone who speaks any dialect of English can understand. Well, unless said American is from the south... or Jersey... Have fun with your vertical flats (an oxymoron if I've ever heard one)!
Wrider
Oh, and ever notice how the English call their women broads? Move the R and it becomes boards, so I think JStark may be right on that one... Flat as a broad has a certain ring to it!

[jstark47]

a "lift" is what we work with cars and bikes on, not what takes us to different floors!
Wrider

Good grief! Wrider. It may surprise you to know that the thing we use in England when working on cars and bikes is also called a "lift."

Goodness!! You take your cars and bikes upstairs to the second floor before you work on them??!!! What a peculiar country!!

Well, unless said American is from the south... or Jersey...

Youse gotta problem wit dat???

[sv-wolf]

a "lift" is what we work with cars and bikes on, not what takes us to different floors!
Wrider

Good grief! Wrider. It may surprise you to know that the thing we use in England when working on cars and bikes is also called a "lift."

Goodness!! You take your cars and bikes upstairs to the second floor before you work on them??!!! What a peculiar country!!

Strewth Mr Stark, you have some funny ideas. No, in this country we take our spouses and partners upstairs to the second floor before we "work on them" (quaint rustic expression!). It's a fairly well established European custom. What you like to do with your motorcycles over there in NJ is entirely your own business.

[sv-wolf]

Lol alright alright, you keep your messed up "English" and we'll continue to speak American. You know, that one language that anyone who speaks any dialect of English can understand. Well, unless said American is from the south... or Jersey...

LOL! I wouldn't count on that. Here's a tip: most Americans abroad would benefit from carrying sub-titles to aid comprehension. And many a promising American film has been ruined by an impenetrable accent and an abusive attitude to the language.

We Brits indubitably hold the world record for communication skills abroad. We are exemplary thugs, and shout louder than you do. We also have more local dialects on our small island than you have on your whole continent. If you would like some of them we have plenty to spare. They might give you a laugh.

Have fun with your vertical flats (an oxymoron if I've ever heard one)!

Hmmm! You seem to have the same basic misconception about these matters as Mr Stark. Over here we "have fun in our 'vertical flats'," (as you like to term them), not with them. Mastery of the English language comes once you learn to handle the prepositions.

Oh, and ever notice how the English call their women broads? Move the R and it becomes boards, so I think JStark may be right on that one... Flat as a broad has a certain ring to it!

Excuse me, Wrider? Are you serious? 'Broad' is an exclusively American or Canadian term for a woman. (The abusive slang term here is 'tart.') Perhaps I should explain: being experienced colonisers, we Brits merely borrow such pleasantries from time to time to make ourselves comprehensible to non-native speakers of English.

Are you therefore saying that all American women are flat chested? The ones you like to board, at least? My heartfelt commiserations. I didn't realise what a lot you had to put up with over there on your unreasonably large continent.

BTW, the correct term for a commercial female personage is 'bawd', not 'board', or used to be - but that was at a time when you Americans were still playing in the woods and wearing nappies (I know! I know! Don't bother to translate.)

[blues2cruise]

[noodlenoggin]

Tarts? Is that like a popover or a strudel? Or a crumpet? Is a crumpet like a strumpet?

And what's with all the "wings" on British cars? They don't so much fly as plummet, y'know. And you put your fenders where the bumpers should be? And what's with the "bonnets" and "boots?" I don't dress my car up all frilly-like, nossir. It's got a hood, and a trunk, and bumpers, and fenders, all where they SHOULD be!

And if a "cookie" is actually a "biscuit," then what have I been pouring "gravy" on at "dinner" all these "years?"