Question for the ladies

[Deacon328]

OK Bear with me on this one ladies. I am married but have a wife who detests bikes, bikers, anything to do with bikers and bikes. When we married I didn't own a bike so it wasn't an issue.

Well it gets old riding alone, not to mention kinda boring when you have a whole group of married friends or friends who ride with other friends.

My question is, if my wife will never and I mean never ride my bike is it ok for me to have a plutonic friend ride somewhere with me. I know some of you are thinking it's a girlfriend but it's just a friend. She an old friend, we have never been involved romantically and never even thought about it, we just always made better friends.

When I mentioned it to my wife she flew into a tirade and said no woman will ride on the back of your bike. Well I figure what she doesn't know won't "pee" her off, especially since she's being unreasonable.

Well, I'm sure some of you are fuming and some aren't so let me have it! By the way, just in case you want to know, our marriage sucks, period.

[Loonette]

It sounds as though you've already figured out that this isn't working. I'm a firm believer in getting things settled in a relationship before resorting to a "what she doesn't know..." situation. The fact that you can pop onto a discussion forum and right away announce that your marriage "sucks, period" shows that there is much more going on than just the biking issue.

In a previous, related topic on these boards, it was mentioned that when biking becomes a source of contention between domestic partners, it's usually not biking that is the main issue. There are usually issues of control at the root of it all.

I think the best you can do is carefully separate out the things that are problematic in your relationship, figure out if you and your wife are able/willing to work it out, and then go from there. That's at least what I would want if it were my marriage on the line. But to go behind her back and purposely do something that bothers her is probably not going to solve anything. And she will find out about it eventually - that's usually how things like that play out. Honesty really is the best policy.

Good luck with whatever happens.

Cheers,
Loonette

[rnr262]

I'm sure you already know, that hiding things from your spouse is very rarely a good idea. Since you're already unhappy, it makes it not seem like such a bad thing I'm sure. I think Loonette is right, straighten out the situation at home first, otherwise the rides you're looking to enjoy may take on a whole new life. Secrets are only fun for so long. Not to mention you're putting your friend in a bad situation. She doesn't need the fear of a confrontation with your wife. It may be hard to treat with your wife with respect when she isn't showing any for an activity you love, but I think you'll be better off in the long run if you at least treat your marriage with respect. (and I don't mean to imply you haven't!!)

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time, and that your wife can't at least be happy you've found something you enjoy so much. It just sounds like this may not be the time for you and your friend to enjoy riding on the same bike.

I feel for you, I really do. If your wife was onboard, I see nothing wrong with taking a female friend riding. I think it's actually quite sweet. I think in this case it may cause you a ton of additional problems.

Good luck to you. I hope things work out for you and you're happier soon.

[Wizzard]

Oh, what a tangled web we weave ,
when first we practice to deceive .

Wizzard

[boomer]

WOW I coulnt even imagine taking another women for a ride, but my wife, I guess I'm blessed to have a wonderful wife because she loves everything about motorcycles and loves the way I look on one. You have to ask yourself ,if you know your wife would not aprove of this, why even bother, you dont need a forum to tell you what your doing is wrong, would you like your wife on the back of another mans bike while your sitting at home? somethin to think about

[Rebeccaatthewell]

Hey Deacon,

To be honest, it sounds more like you are looking for an excuse to lash out at your wife for whatever reasons you may have than seeking a friend to ride with. Biking I have learned is ultimately a solitary sport. You must have known from the beginning when you bought the bike that she would not be a part of that world, unless you bought the bike without telling her. It sounds like you have friends to ride with, and if so, then you don't need someone on the back of the bike to make the ride enjoyable unless there really are "other" reasons involved. I would have to suspect an ulterier motive, if not in you, then in a woman so willing to come between a man and his wife even if only friends. But that is just my opnion and that is what you asked for ...

Becca

[Fujicakes]

No way man- Sticky business-
When I first started reading your note I thought- No problem. The friend has her own bike that should be cool. Then you said she'd ride with you???On your back?? NO WAY! That's not cool. If having a chick ride on [your] bike with you means that much to you, tell your wife. Don't hide it. Chicks ( friends, wives, girl-friends) are much smarter (and scarier for that matter) than mear mortal men could ever know. Everything gets back to people. A quote : Three can keep a secret if two are dead. Honesty the way to go. [/i]

[FishStix]

By the way, just in case you want to know, our marriage sucks, period.

Well if it didn't before you took your 'friend' out for that ride it sure would after.

[greenmountainman]

If it were me, I would never do this without making sure my wife was OK with it. I agree with most of the other members here. You should communicate with your wife, concede a little and hopefully you two can get back on the same page. Who knows, she might eventually come around. As for me, I prefer to ride by myself. I go slower and cannot ride as aggressive as I like when my wife is with me. I LOVE having her with me, as the time we get alone is very limited. But the commutes to work....I really look forward to them. Its just me, my F4 and the road to work.

[Craig7220]

Wow, I would never think of taking another woman on my bike, even if my wife said it was ok.. To me that would be disrespectful to her. Maybe the reason why my marriage has lasted 34 years is that I try to include her in everything I do. My wife was dead set against my bike at first, but after a few short rides with her on the back, it all changed. Now she is always walking around with her helmet looking to take another ride. Maybe if you give it some time and be patient, thinks might look up....