My New Ride (May offend those without a sense of humour)

[NorthernPete]

From Craigs List. last bit may offend.

Reply to: anon-69205138@craigslist.org
Date: Tue Apr 19 14:16:05 2005


6 Months ago today I made a life decision and chucked my car. Partly because I couldn’t afford it, you know, outrageous insurance, war for gas, repairs I can’t do anymore (govt. and Detroit has seen to that), Bush, etc. But mostly because I bought a motorcycle.

Owning a motorcycle has given me a new meaning of what life is like inside a cage (automobile)

I am now forced to pay attention. No more yakking on the cell phone, reading a book, jamming CD’s into that slot, or cleaning up spilled coke as I’m going 70.

Its also changed my daily commute.

Things like:

Smells that I never noticed with my windows rolled up, like:
Rubber burning
Brakes burning
Burning Hemp (cops can smell that too)

Drivers
Most pay attention, some don’t
Some are really mean, especially ones in gas guzzling big black flag waving trucks. They are bullies and probably jealous I’m getting 50mpg and having fun. (They were the same ones who made my life miserable in Jr High School)
Truckers are cool, especially if I give them a break and don’t cut them off. Besides they are bigger then me and can squish me like a bug.
Teenagers, you should not have drivers licenses, unless you are the valedictorian and don’t own a cell phone. (I would be one of the 2/3rds of Americans who would favor such a Constitutional Amendment)
Women are not bad drivers, nor are men, it’s humans that are.
Bad driving is not race specific, all races suck at it.

People are what they drive:
Environmentalists drive Volvo’s and think 28-32 mpg’s will save trees.
Yuppies drive "I don’t give a "poo poo" about anything but me" SUV’s.
Rednecks drive big black flag waving trucks and Hummers.
Ex Hippies drive old puke green Volkswagens or beat up Volvo’s.
Teenagers drive anything that they can put spinners on.
Broke people (like myself) measure their car on MPG, license fees and the amount of rubber it has left. Their cars look like "poo poo" and are really out of style, as if they give a rats "O Ring". (Its an excuse, they wish they were Yuppies or rednecks, on in some kind of midlife crises and chuck their car and buy a bike.)
Smart people drive hybrids, or they are really dumb and into being the first one on their block to have one. Those dumb ones also watch American Idol and Survivor and think it’s ‘way cool" and really, really real. Also known as, ‘living their life for other peoples "poo poo"’.

The upside to riding a bike is:
Its way fun and cheap. That is, once I got finished putting all the chrome goodies on my bike. All in all though, my bike costs a lot less then a half broke car off some used car lot.

The downside to riding a bike is this:
When it is raining and blowing like crazy, I’d really like to have a Hummer and pretend I’m a redneck.
When its really, really cold outside, my winter riding gloves let in way too much cold and my fingers hurt like a son-of-a-"dog" after my 30 mile commute.
Water proof boots that I bought at Walmart with those nice steel toes, when its raining do not keep my boots from becoming water buckets at 60mph. No matter how much spray on water proof coating I use.
I can’t buy 10 bags of groceries. (I’m broke anyway, so it doesn’t matter)

The other downside, is the road kill factor.
Example:
I came close to buying the farm yesterday.
That was my fault, I almost hit a flag waving truck in front of me.
But what I saw almost made it worth it.
I looked over, there she was with those big baby blues staring up at me with that Chesure Cat smile in her mans lap of banana cream luxury. Something that could never happen on my bike, unless I was at a dead stop.

My question to you, you blue eyed wonderful woman of man sucking flesh, since I am still alive, were you drooling, or was that jizzum on your face?

Ya know, seriously, I was avoiding your car. You were driving fast, then slow, then fast, then all over the "procreating" road.

Would you mind, in the future, not blowing your man going 70? Or better yet, email me and we can do that at a dead stop. My garage or yours, it doesn’t matter.

[Aggroton]

mahahahaha....ive been there....in your shoes and his....mwahahaha

[Mag7C]

"Ya know, seriously, I was avoiding your car. You were driving fast, then slow, then fast, then all over the "procreating" road."

I saw that once. I was getting kinda pissed that I couldn't pass the car (driving in town). Then in sort of stalled out or something and came to a dead stop in the road. And up from the drivers lap comes this chick, she looks back at me like "oh sh*t!".

If I could be a traffic cop for a day...

So my advice is if you're going to get a job, please pull over!