Total Motorcycle Community Forums

Miss_C667: I love your signature. It's from Army of Darkness, right?

Skier wrote:Miss_C667: I love your signature. It's from Army of Darkness, right?

Indeed it is, I love that film.

The bike. Any woman who complains about an inaminate object is inferior and insecure. This is the beginning to a much greater problem in the future. Lose her now or pay the consequences later.

the_first_lonewolf wrote:How many other riders out there has a problem with their girlfriend being jealous of their bike??

That is really sad to hear. Girlfriend should not become Girl-FIEND Her AND biking should be able to coexist peacefully



It seems odd that when I hear so many people having problems with this balance. I guess everyone I know already understands my hobbies, and when I meet people I talk about the stuff that I like to do AND I listen to how they respond when I tell them. I definitely do not ignore the warning signs that people give when I talk about bikes, if they are closer friends.

It usually doesnt take long to figure out is someone can accept my oddities in the long term... and believe me, I have A LOT of oddities. and i like people with some character and oddities of there own. People who are individuals rather than groupies.

Many won't accept certain aspects of others, so I simply say "c'est la vie" and move on... it never takes long to determine if people are accepting of your lifestyle if you are paying attention to their responses/signals, etc... So there is no reason to get involved with someone who doesn't. I only did that once with one of my earliest relationships... she was all talk about accepting my riding, and goals, and learning to ride herself, etc... but in the end, she simply couldn't do it... but really it was a number of personality differences that kept her from stretching try new stuff. Never ask someone to change who they are unwillingly. Let people be who they are... maybe they will learn to be more accepting next year or next decade... there is no need to stick around and find out. We all learn at our own pace the costs of our decisions. Let people make those decisions and grow... that's my 2-cents. The sooner they decide, the sooner everyone can move on.

I always share my hobbies with others... so in doing this that means people in your life have a chance to accept that your enjoyment of various interests... for me that is biking (pedals and motors, on and off-road), various artistic things (photography, theatre, visual arts stuff), writing, music etc.

It all fits together if you find someone who is open to trying new things etc.. but yeah, finding the right girlfriend is elusive, so I just spend a little time with various friends rather than getting involved with someone who I know it will not work out in the long run. Saves everyone the hardship and disillusionment.

I've always liked learning about new stuff and new aspects of things. My new room-mates share some common interests and some uncommon interests, so we share stories and experiences. All fun.

Everyone you meet has cool things to share, so a little give and take between people always works out to everyone's benefit. You just have to avoid the people who are always taking and never giving. I guess that is a trust thing. Some people aren't so good at. I used to give a lot more than I got, but now I balance it out. So maybe the best way to have your girlfriend accept your riding is to have her become a passenger for a bit... and feela bit of the riding experience. and THEN let her give you something from her life: a story of something she really loves, or an experience, skill, etc. that is part of who she is... maybe she can teach you about skiiing, skating, ballet, hang-gliding, sewing, cooking, baking, scuba, archery, dancing, martial arts , welding, animals/pets, biology, mechanics, etc??? whatever she knows and loves ... being open to others leads them to be open to you most of the time. Share and share alike.

We all learn something new. But certainly some people are not ready to learn new things. I guess some people are afraid of making mistakes, starting something new, and of course of failing at new things... so people stop learning-- and well, you have to fail at things before you can learn to do them well... so i guess some people are better at failing and trying again, than others. I like to fail because I learn from each thing I suck at... and i get a little better next time. Never give up, never give up, never give up.

maybe taking your wife out on a riding adventure, or teaching her to ride at her own pace (taking a motorcycle safety prep course). We all enjoy things more once we overcome that early learning experience and gain some confidence. Maybe once she is around other riders, etc. and gets a feel for it herself, she will be all smiles... try and try again.

just ideas to toss around... does that help?

Good luck on getting the girlfriend on side!

//monkey

Just a quick thanks for all the help....guess I'll just try and stick it out a while longer and try to blend my 2 ladies into my life as best as possible

Lonewolf

Chels wrote:I seem to have the reverse problem, in finding a man that is not jealous of me and my motorcycle. Or that understands my need to ride everywhere.

In one of my magazines they advertised a dating/meetup sort of website for bikers. If I were a rider before I was involved with my husband, I might have tried out a service like this. At least you would know that all the prospective beaus would be as crazy about biking as you are. One service I noticed... www.bikerdate.com .

Dating services are a bit cheesy, but at least you can be selective before investing a lot of time and energy into someone who would never be a good match.

And... I have to agree with what most have said. If biking is such a big whoop for the other person, it could just as easily be "how you style your hair". It's more of a control issue than anything else. In order to have a happy relationship, both people need to be happy in their individual existence. If one is trying to eliminate something that makes the other happy, it's gonna get ugly. I would first try some explanations of how much joy biking brings to your life, encourage her to have things that bring joy to her life, and if it's still a big problem, move on. Not to trivialize your relationship (don't even know how involved you two are), but as I've said, you need to be happy to have a good relationship to begin with.

Cheers,
Loonette

the_first_lonewolf wrote:How many other riders out there has a problem with their girlfriend being jealous of their bike??

LOnewolf

I remember when I got my bike. Nag, nag, nag. I simply said "hey wifey, it's either I get a bike or a girlfreind, you choose!"

Well I've still got the bike.

jj

I had a girlfreind who said, " YOu'd be everything I ever wanted in a guy if you got a bike too!" Well, turns out as soon as i got the bike she hated it. She even GLARED at it. Like it was singing - Nanny Nanny Poo Poo!!! I spend more time with him than you do!!!! It think the relationship ended sometime that day. Oh well. Now that I'm single i just ride whenever i want to.

I gave my wife a choice - Bike or girlfriend. I got a bike!

A friend of mine with more testosterone than brains has a saying. 'Women are like buses...another one will be along in 15 minutes.'

(don't take his advice too seriously!)

JJ