Wednesday
Miles: 6,522
Mood:
Confession #10- I invented the cloaking device.
Practice, practice, practice. Who needs to practice when you are a motorcycle commuter? Every day is like a cone-filled parking lot of obstacles, panic stops, and 1mph balancing acts. Balancing is particularly important as a commuter. Most of the time you are stuck in traffic, and leg-up leg-down 20 times isn't fun. And you certainly don't want to be
that guy, you know the one going 5mph on his bike, peddling on the ground like Fred Flinstone.
I wonder how many people recognize me now? I commute every day, and I'm sure there's not many motorcyclists who do that (or at least I haven't seen one!). They sit in their car, see me, and say "yup, there he is." I wonder how many smile, how many frown, and how many are frustrated that their car is not in a good lane to ram me.
What will I do when hurricane season is upon us? You certainly can't ride a motorcycle in a tropical storm.
Woah!
Sorry, I was in someones lane. They must have owned both lanes, the one I was in and the lane next to me, because they felt no shame in just merging right into me.
How's that brake fluid? Yep...still works.
My mistake was probably in using my cloaking device. Thats right, I invented the cloaking device. I am the one who brought this treacherous technology to the world. Although its hated by just about every motorcyclist in the US, I was still Oppenheimer-style proud of my invention.
I even tried to patent it. When I sent in my patent proposal however, the US Patent office sent it back to me (it was just a blank piece of paper) with a note "Where is your invention? I don't see anything?".
Duh! It's a cloaking device. It's
invisible! Those guys at the US Government need to step it up a notch in the Cerebral Department.
How could this person have not seen me? He wasn't even on the cellphone or reading the newspaper or eating a McBiscuit 'n Grease.
What do I have to do?
For my next invention, and to make it up to the world for having brought you the cloaking device, I am going to create the ultimate riding gear. First, the helmet is the highest point on your body. So it needs a yellow rotating strobe light on top. We definately need to add some under-helmet goggles here, with little red LED circles around the eyes so you look like Satan himself at night. That'll get their attention. Then, the jacket needs to be covered in those tiny metal discs...you know, the ones some women's dresses are made of and when they walk into a room they look like a disco ball. Then we need to light up your boots. Kids have the option of buying shoes with flashing red lights all over, why is this not made available to motorcyclists? I need a flashing light on my heels and I want the tips of my laces to blink.
Then the bike. Definately want to get some under-body neon. Your brake light isn't enough...we'll attach two of those big STOP signs that you see on school buses to either side of the bike, that swing out as soon as you hit the brake. It can also act as an air brake to save wear those precious pads. Also my horn should be unique, it should be twice as loud as any car and should sound like the General Lee.
At night you will want extra visibility, so we'll include sparklers on the wheels. When you ride forward, sparks will fly out everywhere. Keep your gas tank leak-free.
Last but not least, a tall 6 ft pole coming out of the tail with a triangle orange flag on top. Hey, it worked when I was 5.