Total Motorcycle Community Forums

Andrew78108 wrote:If the BF wasn't jealous or concerned, then there would be something wrong. If another man was buying my wife $500 gifts, it would raise a lot of flags. It's not a trust issue with my wife, but more of a lack of trust in other men.

Solution? I would accept the gift, not doing so could also be rude. But I would also be more aware and careful to make sure there truly are no strings attached. Also, bring your BF along for rides. If he gets to know the other guy, he might not be so worried!

I think I'd handle the situation in this manner. The friends we'd ride with are the folks DH works with, and here (both overseas and in the military), it makes for a pretty closenit group with some trust involved. If the gift did make me uncomfortable, if DH did react the same as your BF, I'd surely be hesistant and immediately refuse (and in front of the group), "Oh gosh, no! That's too much I can't accept that! But thank you for thinking of me". If that doesn't work and he persists, graciously take it, say thanks.

Your refusal should now be noted among everybody. That sends the message to them, that sends a message to the guy, and hopefully that will deter any subsequent extravagent gifts.

As for your BF, hopefully he just saw this all take place. If not you should immediately discuss it with him, tell him how it went, then say "what do we do?". Let him know receiving gifts from men is not what you wanted and you are on his side thinking "maybe he is trying to get into my pants?".

I think taking your BF riding too would be a good solid move. Don't forget to dote on him a bit to really send the message you are with him and only him.

OK, for the update - after several conversations with both the riding buddy and the BF (who by the way is out of state, so he can't ride with us), I decided to accept the gifts THIS ONE TIME. The guy who gifted me this stuff is strictly a riding buddy, and I have met his wife on several occasions. Spouses and significant others are always included if they want to join in. I considered several factors. 1. He is very good friends with the owner of the bike shop. 2. He is very well off, so it's not a lot of money for him, like it would be for me. 3. It was the anniversary of my buying my bike and learning to ride, and he said that's what he was buying this for. 4. I have the smallest bike of the group, and these things will enable me to go on the long distance rides with the group, which has gone on overnights with absolutely no hanky panky.

Turning the tables again, if it had been a woman wanting to buy me this stuff, I probably would have been just as uncomfortable. Oh well, it's done and I'm going to enjoy it. The BF is ok with it if I'm satisfied that there truly are no strings attached, and I am.

Sorry it took me so long to respond - for some reason I didn't get notification that there were replies. Probably my internet provider...

I only read a few of the replies but I was flabbergasted that most of the ladies mentioned your boyfriend and how he would feel. I don't think that you would have mentioned this "free gift" issue if it didn't bother YOU. I am sure the guilt you are feeling stems from your proper upbring. As all of us girls have learned from an early age that a gift from the opposite sex (except from Dad, a brother or Grandpa) means that the giver is expecting something in return. Another bothersome point you made is that he could afford it. Does this mean that you should take these expensive gifts from someone who could afford it and think nothing of it and it would mean that another fella who bought you these things and couldn't afford it had an agenda???? If it felt wrong then it is wrong. Your b/f is correct and so is your mom (you did ask her, didn't you?). Tell him that his gesture was lovely and his wife or girlfriend is so fortunate to have someone as thoughtful as he, but that you can not accept his gesture.

I just don't like free stuff, whether it's a $1 pop, or $500 worth of motorcycle stuff. I'd thank him politely, but indicate that I don't fee comfortable taking it.

Sevulturus wrote:I just don't like free stuff, whether it's a $1 pop, or $500 worth of motorcycle stuff. I'd thank him politely, but indicate that I don't fee comfortable taking it.

next time someone offers you free stuff, direct it my way

nothing..i repeat nothing is free...ever.

So all that help you've been giving me getting my g/f magna up to snuff...

storysunfolding wrote:So all that help you've been giving me getting my g/f magna up to snuff...

i stand corrected

Sevulturus wrote:I just don't like free stuff, whether it's a $1 pop, or $500 worth of motorcycle stuff. I'd thank him politely, but indicate that I don't fee comfortable taking it.

Sure, does that mean I owe you for lunch...

dr_bar wrote:

Sevulturus wrote:I just don't like free stuff, whether it's a $1 pop, or $500 worth of motorcycle stuff. I'd thank him politely, but indicate that I don't fee comfortable taking it.

Sure, does that mean I owe you for lunch...

When you ride out to Edmonton you can buy me lunch And we'll be even

(sorry to threadjack)