Total Motorcycle Community Forums

I mostly agree with you Zoo. But different marriages are different, and all the successful ones involve give and take and you certainly have to do the compromise thing frequently. Any partnership has complications and marriages are particulary full of them whether it's motorcycling, working on weekends, smoking, drinking, kids, travelling, watching sports, playing golf, gambling.... whatever. You can't win them allunless you wanna be married to a doorstop and most folks don't want that. I'm lucky beacuse my wife likes to ride. If however, she were strongly against it I don't think I'd tell her I already have a mother and go out and buy one anyway. She works too and I doubt I'd be too happy if she went out and spent thousands of dollars on something she knew I was strongly against. I don't think the guy should give up, but just telling her to shove it will not lead to family harmony. Motorcycling is great and it can probably be worked out but I personally wouldn't toss a marriage to do it. If you(the generic 'you, not anyone in particular) don't have mutual respect in a marriage you probably don't have much of a marriage anyway. If it works out it'll be from working through it together not by making declarations.

Give her some time. I'm sure this is a knee jerk reaction on her part. All of us have heard how dangerous motorcycles are and it's natural to be concerned when someone we love decides to ride. Since it doesn't sound like this is a power struggle with your wife, I think a little time and education will bring her around.

Would she take the MSF course with you? Even if she never, ever intends to ride, hearing everything that goes on at the course, watching those very entertaining videos, and then seeing how they walk you step by step on the bike may put her mind at ease. Some of the courses here in TX have a Pre Rider course, one night of instruction and basics for those who are afraid to ride.

You may need to start out on smaller, less powerful bike than you would prefer. Seeing a smaller bike may make her feel better too. (and they're still tons of fun and great confidence boosters!)

My husband didn't object to my riding, was behind it, but did worry about the bike quite a bit. (too that point that he and my dad conspired to buy the Rebel after I already had a bigger bike) He took the course a few months after me, passed, rode 40 miles, and hasn't ridden since. He did say he felt better knowing all the statistics, and that I had been taught emergency stops, riding over objects etc...

It sounds like you and your wife have a great marriage. I'm sure since you're willing to compromise then she will too. Fear makes people believe and react one way. You can't change it overnight, but it will happen, especially if she see's how happy it makes you!

Ah Zoo , and I was being such a sweet old guy ...........
Fortunately when my spousette first moved in with me I was 37 and she was 18 and already liked to ride . However at that time I was still of the attitude that it damn sure was brotherhood before motherhood ........ya know what I mean ?
Of course I have mellowed out considerable over the years . Now I clean her scoot most of the time when we are to go out riding . After all there were a number of years where she cleaned mine if she wanted to ride with me .
Yeah , that's what I use to be like . No biggie just a different reality .
Regards, Wizzard

Well, how many bikes have you seen for sale due to a recent marriage and subsequent decision by the blushing bride to stop her new husband from riding? I see it all the time myself. Having come from a [now broken] marriage where a motorcycle was an impossibility, I now have the ability to say that if any woman ever tries to convince me to get rid of my bike she is definitely not the woman for me. And I don't care for the attitudes of some husbands and wives that resemble more of a parenting role than that of a supportive partner. A husband and wife both have lives to live, and although they've chosen to live those lives together as one there still needs to be room left for individuality and [civilized] disagreement.

Oh and...BTW...you were 37 and she was 18?!?!

Score!

ZooTech wrote:Oh and...BTW...you were 37 and she was 18?!?!

Score!

Yep and now we've been together for 23 years ..............

Wizzard wrote:

ZooTech wrote:Oh and...BTW...you were 37 and she was 18?!?!

Score!

Yep and now we've been together for 23 years ..............

You sly dog you!

sapaul wrote: Initially she would complain about going too fast but now has no problem with the 280 that we do on the K1200S. We are both insurance Brokers and see our fair share of peoples troubles and perhaps this makes us a little more cautious than most but we also understand that .

280 is not exactly cautious.

MEB wrote:Ok, the gas prices got me thinking about a bike. Then the more I thought about it, the more I wanted one...not so much for the economy, but just for the fun. I had wanted one real bad as a young teenager (dirt riding) but my parents could never swing it. Now I'm 45 and can afford one. I'd like to have a dual purpose so I can commute to work and go off road (I'm also an advanced amature photographer and would like to pursue shots in the field).

Trouble is, the wife says NO WAY. I treasure my marriage above all and would never buy one without her buy-in. But I'd really like to hear some good pursuasion points so that I could begin to wear her down. Her arguement is the danger. She knows someone who knew someone who's brother was killed, decapitated, mutilated, etc., etc.

What should I do???

Signing both of you up for motorcycle classes (if she is willing) would be a good idea. If your wife sees and participates in a controlled environment it may help.
Otherwise, if she's cool with the idea of just you taking the classes ask her to come along and observe. Maybe seeing you in action may help nudge her in the direction of being ok with it.

ZooTech wrote:A husband and wife both have lives to live, and although they've chosen to live those lives together as one there still needs to be room left for individuality and [civilized] disagreement.

My methods are different but I agree with the principle there Zootech. My music, my motorbikes, my style, my friends and now my son are all part of me.

If a lady dosnt accept that then she cannot accept me and its probably best that we are friends rather than anything more. I've done the relationship with a bunny boiler who wanted to control me and it wont happen again.

I've been a lot luckier with Jules, she has been accepting and supportive of everything I had been doing before we started dating as well as everything that I've started doing since. Even when its meant me putting myself in harms way.

280 is not exactly cautious.

Comes down to the whole trust thing and me doing my part to inspire that. My wife used to think that observed trials was the least dangerous of the motorcycling disciplines, but when I broke my leg at 10kph she realised that it can happen anytime. Yes I may be quick now, but this is something that WE have built up to over the years and if she is uncomfortable with anything we discuss it and compramise. She insisted on the courses when we got the hyper tourers, I agreed and insist on re training every chance I get. I do not stunt, do wheelies or ride in a manner likely to do harm. When we do get the big speeds up it is on roads we know, usually by ourselves or we are riding tail end charlie for one of the BMW clubs. Calculated risk as opposed to ego induced throttle response.