Geek rants

[roscowgo]

Microsoft.


I would be exceedingly happy, if Bill gates were to slip on a tube of KY, and fall into a hot tub, filled with horns, rusty, jagged cutlery. All of which have an ana, ear, and eye fetish.

And then... i hope he catches fire. twice. while being bitten on the "O Ring" by an exceedingly evil penguin by the name of gok'tharr.

After hes nicely lacerated, burnt, and bitten. Use him as a turd pulverizer in a new orleans sewer, the day after mardi gras, and the big all you can eat chili benefit for people with VD, ebola, and malaria.


so.... anybody else ever had to fool with 2003 small business server? stupid cals. grrrrrrrrrrr

[CNF2002]

Read the manual

[roscowgo]

/grumbles



manuals make me itch.

maybe if i found a grass skirt and danced around it with bloody chicken bones in my hair the problem would magically clear up.

[KarateChick]

Take it outside and drop/smash it on the road then drive over it and go reply to the thread Biggest object you have safely ridden over

[t_bonee]

YEa. I have. POS if you ask me. For our Detroit operations, we had ordered in a new server when theirs died. We went to Microcenter to get the OS only to find out that Microcenter only sells Windows 2003 Small Business edition. That thing is so screwy! I won't even go into it.

We eventually migrated all our Detroit operations to our servers in Cincinnati and now that server is sitting right next to me in my office, waiting to have Linux installed on it.

[roscowgo]

yep, its twitchy, grumpy, greedy. mine for some reason just wont let me into the chunk where you add new CAL's then shuts itself down because it doesnt meet licensing requirements.

in my defense i Told my boss not to get that os.


Format c:\

[fireguzzi]

maybe if i found a grass skirt and danced around it with bloody chicken bones in my hair the problem would magically clear up.

That may be the single funniest sentence I've ever read.

[Ninja Geoff]

That post is how IE7 makes me feel.

[Wizzard]

Dear Consumers:
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 2000
KENTUCKY EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside of
Kentucky. If you have one of these, you may need some help
understanding the commands. The Kentucky edition may be recognized
by the unique opening screen. It reads: WINDERS 98, with a
background picture of General Robert E. Lee superimposed on a
Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Dukes of
Hazzard screen saver.


Please also note:


The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"
My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"
Dial up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"
Control Panel is known as "The Dashboard"
Hard Drive is referred to as "4 Wheel Drive"
Floppies are "them little ol plastic disc thangs"
Instead of an error message a "garbage bag and roll of duct tape"
pops up


CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN KENTUCKY EDITION:


OK . . . . . . . . . . ats aw-right
Cancel . . . . . . . stopdat
Reset . . . . . . . . try er agin
Yes . . . . . . . . . yep
No . . . . . . . . . . noop
Find . . . . . . . . . hunt fer it
Go to. . . . . . . . over yonder
Back . . . . . . . . back yonder
Help . . . . . . . . hep me out here
Stop . . . . . . . . . kwitit
Start . . . . . . . . . crank er up
Settings . . . . . . settins
Programs . . . . . stuff at duz stuff
Documents . . . . stuff ah done did

Also note that KENTUCKY EDITION does not recognize capital letters
or punctuation marks.


Some programs that are exclusive to Winders 98:


Tiperiter . . . . . . . . A word processing program
colerin book . . . . . a graphics program
cyferin mersheen . calculator
outhouse paper . . notepad
iner-net . . . . . . . . Microsoft Explorer4.0
pichers . . . . . . . . . A graphics viewer

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a
copy of the KENTUCKY EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a
replacement version

I hope this helps all y'all!
Billy Bob Gate
--

[Wizzard]

Dear Consumas:
It has come ta our attention dat just maybe a coupola copies of the
WINDOWS 98/BROOKLYN EDITION may have accidentally bin shipped outsida
Broooklyn. If ya got one a dese, you may need some help understandin' da
commands.

Da Brooklyn edition may be recognized by da unique openin' screen. It
reads:

"WINDAS 98," wit a background picture of Grand Army Plaza.
When you starta da program, instead of da usual "harpy, stringy" music,
you hear da teme from da Godfadda. It is also shipped wit a Sopranos
screen sava.

Please also note

Recycle Bin is labeled "Staten Island"
My Computer is called "My Friggin'Computa"
The Inbox is referred to as "Da Trunk"
Deleted Items are referred to as "Wacked," "Erased," "Wasted" or "Rubbed
Out"
Dial up Networking is called "Da Bar"
Control Panel is known as the "Da Bosses"
Performin' an "illegal operation" is known as "enhancin' the family
business" and will actually maximize da program instead of shuttin' it
down.
Hard Drive is referred to as "Da BQE Rush Hour"
Instead of an error message........ yo gonna see a "You ain't gonna
friggin' believe dis!" message pops up.

CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN DA BROOKLYN EDITION
OK...................Sure ting
Cancel...........Fugetaboutit
Reset.............Start Ova
Yes.................Yeah
No...................Nah
Find................Put a contract out on
Browse..........Get a looksee
Back...............U toin
Help................(Help ain't available - yous don't need no stinkin'
help)
Stop.................Knock it off
Start.................Move it!
Settings..........Here's d' Rules

Also note dat any voice recognition software run on da BROOKLYN EDITION
platform don't recognize da letter "R."
Some programs and udder accessories dat are exclusive to WINDAS 98:
Typa................A word processin'program
Printa...............Printer
Calculata..........Calculator
Solitare.............Seven Card Stud
We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of
da BROOKLYN EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement
version.
Yous got a problem wit dat?