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My friend has a 1983 Honda Shadow 500 that has had past problems, but this is the wierdest. He rode it to his girlfriends work and they hung out for awhile. When he came back to his bike, he turned the key but nothing happened. No lights, fans, or anything. It is definitely in the "ON" position (key and cutoff). Obviously he couldn't start it (it didn't turn over) so he trucked it home. All the fuses are unbroken, and when he hooked a car battery up to it he still got nothing. I'm at a loss. He checked wires for shorts and couldn't find anything visually out of place, though he didn't take a super close look. I kinda think it's a short, but I've never heard of a short taking out EVERYTHING. Anyone have any suggestions. He doesn't want to take it in 'cause he got ripped off last time.

Bad ignition switch?
Broken (or loose) battery cable?

Start checking voltages. Volt meter on the battery posts should show 12.something (if it is below 12 charge it...if it doesn't charge replace it)... turn on the key (assuming the the lights light with the key) and it should drop at least a little... if not, you know the problem is before the key. If it drops a little, then the battery cables are at least connected and it is probably something controlled by the key that has failed. If it drops WAY down (and the bike starts smelling funny) chances are there is a short. Then check on the other end of the battery leads. Then on the other end of whatever that hooks to... and so on until the problem is found.

Probably best not to jump it to another battery until the problem has been found. ... if there is a short that has discharged the battery, it'll start discharging the jump battery too and that means heat and potentially misery. If it is a bad cell in the bike bat it'll drag the jump battery quickly... and so on.

I'll put $5 down on a loose battery cable connection.....

The battery connections are definitely not loose. I was sure to check that first thing when I went to his house. Thanks for the tips dieziege, I'll tell him to go through that procedure.