These swine are ruining America

[SausageCreature]

So I was just leaving the Bulldog this morning at about two, and my bike wouldn't start. I pressed the button again and again, and after about half an hour--I must've dozed for a second there--I realized the kill switch was on. So I washed the chalk marks off my tire, zipped up my fly and took off down the road. Well, I tell you, they make roads a lot narrower than they used to, because I was weaving just a little, to make myself conspicuous to those dangerous distracted drivers who talk on cell phones, and I was scraping curb left and right. A lane isn't space enough for a motorcycle! At the first red light I stopped for, I set my foot down in a pool of warm coolant. Well, that's no problem really, that thing holds two gallons easy, and I figure if I ride fast enough the wind will cool me down. I stop at White Castle for some sliders and onion rings, and head out on the highway. Well, all these vicious bastards are trying to run me off the road, and my fries are flying everywhere, and on top of that, my engine starts chugging and losing steam like a wounded buffalo. And before I can even finish my first burger, my rear tire locks up! I skidded to a stop in the center lane, and realizing the bike won't start up again, I put the kickstand down and finished my burger. I barely got out of there alive! Five cars tried to run me down before I could walk across to the shoulder. I tried flagging down a passing car, but nobody would stop, no matter how loudly I screamed at them. So I threw a few rocks at them, and I walked to the bus stop. Well, I waited almost an hour, and then the bus driver seemed to have a problem with me cussing and smoking on the bus, and just my luck, the next stop was right in front of the cop station downtown. Three officers were on the bus and slapping the cuffs on me before the bus was even stopped. They wrote me up on some trumped-up charge like "public in aviation." You know it's bogus--I wasn't even on a plane! Lousy liberals.

[black mariah]

I'm dumber for having read that.

[Tyrone ORourke]

WTF????? is someone suffering from a blow to the head?

[CNF2002]

Well I can safely say I've never had a day like that.

[scan]

Rather similar to reading a mad-lib.

[Kaiser Soze]

I've read some poor attempts at humour, and this one ranks right up there.

F-

[rapidblue]

WTF?

[younggun]

simply mentally challenged

[KarateChick]

Well SC - inhaled a little when you were smoking this morning huh?

[DragonSlayer]

how many times do i gotta tell you mr. president, cocaine is bad.