Can someone please tell the joke with the puch line:
A duck for a buck, a f**k for a duck, and a buck for a f**ked up duck.
I recall the punch line, but can't accurately tell the joke....
A buck for a duck...
A buck for a duck...
Candy 750
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jonnythan
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Google to the rescue!
Long version:
"Bye Dad!" little Johnny hollered as he pulled the front door closed behind him. He carefully walked down the apartment stairs, leading his pet duck Lucky by a leash. The high noon sun shone brightly upon him as he exited out onto the New York City sidewalk, and began to head towards the convenience store, where he hoped to apply for a job as a bag boy.
The store was fairly close to his apartment, if he took the shortcut. Unfortunately, the shortcut led through a rather seedy alleyway. Though Johnny was well aware that his parents wouldn't approve of him taking this route, he felt that since he was old enough to get a job, he was old enough to walk where he chose. As he turned down the side street, the duck quacked, as if to disapprove. Johnny ignored him.
Just as he was about to emerge onto the corner, he encountered a woman in what he would call fancy dress. You and I, dear reader, would call it "slutty." Yes, Johnny laid his eyes on a genuine "working girl," and he couldn't believe his eyes. Johnny came from a fairly conservative background, and didn't quite understand the concept of prostitution. She caught him looking at her, and never being one to turn down a trick, winked at him.
"Would you like to have some fun?" she purred, dripping sexuality. An energetic, virile 16-year-old, Johnny wasn't one to turn down fun, even if he had little idea what it entailed.
"Why sure!" he exclaimed. She promptly took his hand, and led him over to a nearby seedy motel. She booked a room for an hour and they entered. The duck walked into the room behind them.
She slowly removed the shirt she was wearing and threw it out of the way. She walked over to him and cooed, "My name's Jasmine. It's fifty dollars for an hour."
Though up until now, Johnny couldn't quite figure out what was happening, his pubescent brain began to churn and managed to put two and two together. "I'd love to," he said sadly, "but I don't have fifty dollars. All I have is my duck Lucky." Lucky quacked. Jasmine bent over, closely examined the duck, while wiggling her derrière, keeping Johnny in a state of awe.
"You know," she finally said, "This duck looks like he's worth about fifty dollars. If you give him to me, then we can call it even." Johnny blinked. He looked at the duck, Lucky, whom he spent so much of his youth with. Then he looked at the alluring woman, whom would make him a man. Johnny looked back and forth between the two, bit his lip, looked apologetically at the duck, and blurted his answer.
"He's yours!"
Minutes later, they were tussling on the bed, Johnny getting his first taste of the sweet nectar of sexuality. As she began to unzip his pants, something became abundantly, overwhelmingly clear - Johnny's genes had blessed him with a rather large bulge in his jeans. Her jaw dropped when she saw it. It wasn't uncomfortably large, but rather, just the right length and girth to do some massive massaging of her naughty bits.
It wasn't too long before they were making the The beast with two backs on the bed. Despite his inexperience, Johnny's stamina proved to be top shelf. After nearly 40 minutes of coitus, both Jasmine and Johnny were reaching orgasmic heights the like of which neither had experienced. Keep in mind, reader, Jasmine does this for a living. She rolled off him, and they both lay panting on the bed. She rolled over to look him in the eye.
"Johnny, that was the greatest "fudge" I've ever had. I can't thank you enough. I feel incredible." Johnny agreed wholeheartedly. They chatted for a bit, and then she coyly asked, "Hey, listen, I already told you that was mind-blowing. If I gave you your duck back, would you be willing to do it again?"
Johnny, already showing signs of his new manhood, readily consented. ""fudge" yeah!" 40 minutes later, they were finished, once again exhausted. Johnny had to drag his way out of the bed, Jasmine not willing to let him go without a fight. He hurriedly threw his clothes back on, untied his duck's leash from the chair, and said his goodbye.
"I got to go get a job application. It was really great meeting you. Bye!" He left the room and headed back towards his original destination. Johnny was still exhausted from his little romp in the sheets, so the duck was leading the way. He was also not being totally aware, and as he began to cross the street, a car ran a red light and BLAM! - Lucky the duck wasn't lucky no more. A cloud of feathers accompanied the cloud of tire smoke as the reckless driver screeched to a halt. "LUCKY!" shrieked Johnny.
A young professional in a business suit emerged from the car. Frantically, he ran over to the boy. "Oh my God, I didn't mean to do that! I swear? Are you okay? PLEASE tell me you're okay!!!"
Johnny was hit by the sadness of the loss of his childhood companion. He relayed his feelings to the man.
"Listen," spoke the Yuppie, "I'll give you everything in my wallet if you don't call the police. I'm really sorry." He proceeded to empty his wallet to the sum of two Jacksons and four Washingtons. The endorphins from the wild sex not yet totally worn off, Johnny consented. He no longer really felt in the mood to get to the job interview. He turned back around, taking the long way home, his eyes looking below the horizon and a melancholy look on his face. Slowly though, he realized that Lucky was in a better place now, and not only was he a man, but he also had almost fifty dollars to boot!
His frown melted into a smile as he walked into his house. His father couldn't figure out what he was smiling about. "Johnny," he inquired, "You were gone a long time. Did you make it to the store and get an application?"
"No Dad, I never made it there."
"Well, why are you so happy?"
"Well, I got a "fudge" for a duck, a duck for a "fudge", and fourty-four bucks for a "messed" up duck."
Condensed version:
A guy was given a duck by his father and told to go to a particular house with it. He knocked on the door of the house and a seductively dressed woman opened it. She was a prostitute with a duck obsession. He paid her the duck and they had sex. Afterwards, she said, 'that was the best sex i've ever had. i'll give you the duck back if we can do it again.' So they did.
He was pretty happy as he headed for home... so happy that he didn't see the car that was coming straight for him. He managed to get away, but the duck didn't. The driver came out and gave him a dollar because he felt bad.
When he got home, his father asked him how his day was.
'Fine,' he said. 'I got a "fudge" for a duck, a duck for a "fudge", and a buck for a "messed"-up duck.'
Long version:
"Bye Dad!" little Johnny hollered as he pulled the front door closed behind him. He carefully walked down the apartment stairs, leading his pet duck Lucky by a leash. The high noon sun shone brightly upon him as he exited out onto the New York City sidewalk, and began to head towards the convenience store, where he hoped to apply for a job as a bag boy.
The store was fairly close to his apartment, if he took the shortcut. Unfortunately, the shortcut led through a rather seedy alleyway. Though Johnny was well aware that his parents wouldn't approve of him taking this route, he felt that since he was old enough to get a job, he was old enough to walk where he chose. As he turned down the side street, the duck quacked, as if to disapprove. Johnny ignored him.
Just as he was about to emerge onto the corner, he encountered a woman in what he would call fancy dress. You and I, dear reader, would call it "slutty." Yes, Johnny laid his eyes on a genuine "working girl," and he couldn't believe his eyes. Johnny came from a fairly conservative background, and didn't quite understand the concept of prostitution. She caught him looking at her, and never being one to turn down a trick, winked at him.
"Would you like to have some fun?" she purred, dripping sexuality. An energetic, virile 16-year-old, Johnny wasn't one to turn down fun, even if he had little idea what it entailed.
"Why sure!" he exclaimed. She promptly took his hand, and led him over to a nearby seedy motel. She booked a room for an hour and they entered. The duck walked into the room behind them.
She slowly removed the shirt she was wearing and threw it out of the way. She walked over to him and cooed, "My name's Jasmine. It's fifty dollars for an hour."
Though up until now, Johnny couldn't quite figure out what was happening, his pubescent brain began to churn and managed to put two and two together. "I'd love to," he said sadly, "but I don't have fifty dollars. All I have is my duck Lucky." Lucky quacked. Jasmine bent over, closely examined the duck, while wiggling her derrière, keeping Johnny in a state of awe.
"You know," she finally said, "This duck looks like he's worth about fifty dollars. If you give him to me, then we can call it even." Johnny blinked. He looked at the duck, Lucky, whom he spent so much of his youth with. Then he looked at the alluring woman, whom would make him a man. Johnny looked back and forth between the two, bit his lip, looked apologetically at the duck, and blurted his answer.
"He's yours!"
Minutes later, they were tussling on the bed, Johnny getting his first taste of the sweet nectar of sexuality. As she began to unzip his pants, something became abundantly, overwhelmingly clear - Johnny's genes had blessed him with a rather large bulge in his jeans. Her jaw dropped when she saw it. It wasn't uncomfortably large, but rather, just the right length and girth to do some massive massaging of her naughty bits.
It wasn't too long before they were making the The beast with two backs on the bed. Despite his inexperience, Johnny's stamina proved to be top shelf. After nearly 40 minutes of coitus, both Jasmine and Johnny were reaching orgasmic heights the like of which neither had experienced. Keep in mind, reader, Jasmine does this for a living. She rolled off him, and they both lay panting on the bed. She rolled over to look him in the eye.
"Johnny, that was the greatest "fudge" I've ever had. I can't thank you enough. I feel incredible." Johnny agreed wholeheartedly. They chatted for a bit, and then she coyly asked, "Hey, listen, I already told you that was mind-blowing. If I gave you your duck back, would you be willing to do it again?"
Johnny, already showing signs of his new manhood, readily consented. ""fudge" yeah!" 40 minutes later, they were finished, once again exhausted. Johnny had to drag his way out of the bed, Jasmine not willing to let him go without a fight. He hurriedly threw his clothes back on, untied his duck's leash from the chair, and said his goodbye.
"I got to go get a job application. It was really great meeting you. Bye!" He left the room and headed back towards his original destination. Johnny was still exhausted from his little romp in the sheets, so the duck was leading the way. He was also not being totally aware, and as he began to cross the street, a car ran a red light and BLAM! - Lucky the duck wasn't lucky no more. A cloud of feathers accompanied the cloud of tire smoke as the reckless driver screeched to a halt. "LUCKY!" shrieked Johnny.
A young professional in a business suit emerged from the car. Frantically, he ran over to the boy. "Oh my God, I didn't mean to do that! I swear? Are you okay? PLEASE tell me you're okay!!!"
Johnny was hit by the sadness of the loss of his childhood companion. He relayed his feelings to the man.
"Listen," spoke the Yuppie, "I'll give you everything in my wallet if you don't call the police. I'm really sorry." He proceeded to empty his wallet to the sum of two Jacksons and four Washingtons. The endorphins from the wild sex not yet totally worn off, Johnny consented. He no longer really felt in the mood to get to the job interview. He turned back around, taking the long way home, his eyes looking below the horizon and a melancholy look on his face. Slowly though, he realized that Lucky was in a better place now, and not only was he a man, but he also had almost fifty dollars to boot!
His frown melted into a smile as he walked into his house. His father couldn't figure out what he was smiling about. "Johnny," he inquired, "You were gone a long time. Did you make it to the store and get an application?"
"No Dad, I never made it there."
"Well, why are you so happy?"
"Well, I got a "fudge" for a duck, a duck for a "fudge", and fourty-four bucks for a "messed" up duck."
Condensed version:
A guy was given a duck by his father and told to go to a particular house with it. He knocked on the door of the house and a seductively dressed woman opened it. She was a prostitute with a duck obsession. He paid her the duck and they had sex. Afterwards, she said, 'that was the best sex i've ever had. i'll give you the duck back if we can do it again.' So they did.
He was pretty happy as he headed for home... so happy that he didn't see the car that was coming straight for him. He managed to get away, but the duck didn't. The driver came out and gave him a dollar because he felt bad.
When he got home, his father asked him how his day was.
'Fine,' he said. 'I got a "fudge" for a duck, a duck for a "fudge", and a buck for a "messed"-up duck.'
[url=http://www.flickr.com/photos/jonnythan/sets/]Flickr.[/url]
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NorthernPete
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