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Texan and a rancher from Montana are talking.
Montana rancher says "we got some big bulls in Montana"
Texan says "in Texas we got the biggest bulls in the world"
Montana rancher replies "I imagine they "poo poo" a lot"
Texan replies "hell yea, Texans have the biggest piles of bullshit in the world"
Montana rancher replies "well I have to agree with you there"

Well that reminds me of the time a rather obnoxious relative from texas came to visit for the holidays.

I've had to put up with some pain in the a** people but this guy was just in a league of his own. I mean we took him to an IMAX theater and after the movie he turns to me and says "Y'all ain't seen nothin' mah TV at home's bigger, everything's bigger in texas."

Same with the steaks, the drinks, the freeways, EVERYTHING.

Now hours pass and I'm ready to go to sleep when I hear "What in the seven hells is that thing?!?!" I got out of bed and rushed down the hall to his room. He was standing in a corner, white as a sheet, starring at the bed. Wondering what on earth just happened I flip on the lights and look under the bed, there was Daisy, my pet tortise that had escaped the week previous, calm as can be. I picked her/him/it(never quite figured out what Daisy was) up and walked towards my obnoxious relative, who was backing against the wall as I advanced. "Haven't you ever seen a lil' roach before? I mean, this guy's so small you can't hardly see him. Don't they have roaches in Texas?'"

He blinked, looked at the tortise then back at me, then cleared his throat and said in a trembling voice "Cute lil' guy ain't he?"