Santa and the new world

[JC Viper]

First I hear that Santa in Australia cannot say Ho ho ho because it's demeaning to women.

Now the Americans want to make Santa stop eating cookies and being a fat jolly old man.

What next? Santa cannot have kids on his lap anymore?

[coffee_brake]

And a "Naughty or Nice" list? Nu-uh, buddy! Invasion of privacy!

And what's with the long white beard? What is this, reverse age discrimination?

Elves, indeed. Doing all the work. Oh, this is a thin veil indeed over the allegory of the Sweat Shop.



Dang sometimes the PC mode of today makes me glad I don't have kids.

[ceemes]

Dear ya'll

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able
to serve your area on Christmas Eve. Because of recent changes in my union
contract renegotiated by North American Elves Local 209, I now serve only
eastern Canada, certain areas of Wisconsin and the Michigan Upper Peninsula.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with my
replacement, my third cousin by my first wife, from the South Pole, Bubba
Claus. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls,
but there are a few differences between us, such as:

* There is no danger of a Grinch's stealing presents from Bubba Claus, who has
a gun rack in his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

* Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC
and pork skins on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He does
dip a little snuff, though, so please have a spit can handy.

* Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of
reindeer. I lent him my reindeer one time, and Rudolph's head now rests over
Bubba's fireplace.

* You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen ..." when Bubba
Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and
Boudreaux. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty."

* "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yeehaw!" And you also are likely to hear
Bubba's elves respond, "I heard that!"

* As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a bumper
sticker for non-traditional vehicles "If you are close enough to read this...
you ain't gettin' no presents!"

* The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and
"Ernest Saves Christmas" will not be shown in your area. Instead, you'll see
some really classes movies about Bubba Claus made in the late 1970s. Many
feature Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus, Jackie Gleason as a Grinch who says
"You scumbum!" a lot, and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each
other.

* Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. I'd turn the other way when he bends over
to put presents under the tree. "Plumber's cleavage" is NOT a pretty sight.

* Lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me, including Elvis' "Here Comes
Santa Claus" and Madonna's remake of "Santa Baby." Until this year, songs
about Bubba Claus have been played only on AM radio stations in Mississippi.
They include such classics as Mark Chesnutt's "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox,"
David Allan Coe's "Willie, Waylon, Bubba Claus and Me," and Hank Williams
Jr.'s "If You Don't Like Bubba Claus, You Can Kiss My Icicle."


Sincerely Yours,


Santa

[ceemes]

Dang sometimes the PC mode of today makes me glad I don't have kids.

What's wrong with kids? They're great slow roasted over glowing coals, I prefer a slow rotating spit myself.





Evil, I am eeeevvviiiilllleeee...................pity my nieces and nephew think I am funny....

[JC Viper]

They want to replace ho ho ho with ha ha ha... some people in this world should be killed for stupidity.

[Meanie]

First I hear that Santa in Australia cannot say Ho ho ho because it's demeaning to women.

Now the Americans want to make Santa stop eating cookies and being a fat jolly old man.

What next? Santa cannot have kids on his lap anymore?

Perhaps the growing population of mean in Australia is increasing the low self esteem amongst them.

[NorthernPete]

Im afraid if I ever saw a Santa going Hahaha Id have to punch him in the liver.

[Brackstone]

Im afraid if I ever saw a Santa going Hahaha Id have to punch him in the liver.

Can you reach the liver through all the jolly?

[Wrider]

Hey, I've had em reach my liver through all of my jolly, so I'm sure it's possible! And yeah, I'd have to join you like no other in that beat-down!
Wrider

[NorthernPete]

Its ausi santas..so Im asuming since they celebrate Xmas in the summer, their Santas are skinny.

Oh, I did ask the santa at the mall his opinion on this...he thought it was pretty funny. said Ho Ho Ho...so no liver punching was needed.