New Englanders
Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2005 12:06 pm
Forget Rednecks ... here's what Jeff Foxworthy has to say on New Englanders:
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by
drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there
all day hoping it will swim by, you might live in New England.
If you're proud that your region makes the national
news 96 nights each year because Mt. Washington is the coldest spot in
the nation, and Boston gets more snow than any other majority in the
US, you live in New England.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September
through May, you live in New England.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six
months out of the year, you live in New England.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you
assistance, and they don't work there, you live in New England.
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
you live in New England.
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with
someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in New
England.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A NEW ENGLANDER WHEN:
"Vacation" means going anywhere south of New York
City for the weekend.
You measure distance in hours.
You know several people who have hit a deer more
than once.
You have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same
day, and back again.
You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a
raging blizzard without flinching.
You install security lights on your house and
garage, but leave both unlocked.
You carry jumper cables in your car and your
girlfriend/wife knows how to use them.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over
a snowsuit.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes
are filled with snow.
You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still
winter, and road construction.
Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a
deer next to your blue spruce.
"Down South" to you means Philadelphia.
Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new
shed.
Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to
frost.
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
You find 10 degrees "a little chilly."
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by
drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there
all day hoping it will swim by, you might live in New England.
If you're proud that your region makes the national
news 96 nights each year because Mt. Washington is the coldest spot in
the nation, and Boston gets more snow than any other majority in the
US, you live in New England.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September
through May, you live in New England.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six
months out of the year, you live in New England.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you
assistance, and they don't work there, you live in New England.
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
you live in New England.
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with
someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in New
England.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A NEW ENGLANDER WHEN:
"Vacation" means going anywhere south of New York
City for the weekend.
You measure distance in hours.
You know several people who have hit a deer more
than once.
You have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same
day, and back again.
You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a
raging blizzard without flinching.
You install security lights on your house and
garage, but leave both unlocked.
You carry jumper cables in your car and your
girlfriend/wife knows how to use them.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over
a snowsuit.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes
are filled with snow.
You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still
winter, and road construction.
Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a
deer next to your blue spruce.
"Down South" to you means Philadelphia.
Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new
shed.
Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to
frost.
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
You find 10 degrees "a little chilly."
