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Ever had someone pour the biggest load of cold water onto something you feel strongly about?

Can't say I am suprised, but it has left me feeling both upset and angry - I told my parents tonight that I had bought a bike.

"Has she made a will?" chirped my mother with all seriousness in the background, while my dad groaned and said "What have you done that for? Isn't that a stupid thing to do in your situation? (single mother to young son)" etc etc etc.

They wonder why I don't bother to share a lot of stuff thats going on in my life - its always met with the same pessimistic, negative response..! Never any support, never any encouragement, never any optimism.

So I'm feeling pretty sad and deflated right now - ok so they might not approve, but why can't they just keep their negative opinions to themselves FOR ONCE! This is something I've dreamt of for many a year, and while I appreciate that I could make it a very dangerous pursuit indeed, its my responsibility to ensure I make it as safe as I can... we can't go through life taking no risks at all, ever, can we?! How about the risk my own mother took by horseriding when we were younger, and then having a very serious accident which nearly killed her?!

I despair.

awww, sorrry its like that for you...
for the record i agree, horses are just as if not more dangerous than bikes...expecially if you intend to work them.

Henriettaah wrote:How about the risk my own mother took by horseriding when we were younger, and then having a very serious accident which nearly killed her?!

Now, if you put yourself into your mother's shoes for just a quick moment. Do you think that maybe that incident might give her reason to be concerned? Is it just possible that that incident has given her nightmares many a time and to her, any kind of a risk would seem un-acceptable?

What we do in our youth, can make our present day decisions a little tougher to make and may in fact cause your personal judgement to be a bit jaded. I'd cut her some slack, sit down with her, explain that you understand the risks and that you're doing everthing humanly possible to reduce those risks to an acceptable level. Tell her how much this means to you.

I took my youngest daughter out for a ride two years ago. She was 19 and had never been on a bike before. We don't see each other much as she lives about a 1000 km away in Calgary. The only reason she went with me was because my bike was my only means of transportation. Being totally unsure about the ride, I told her we would take it easy and then if she wasn't comfortable with it, we could take a cab to go for lunch. Well two blocks was all it took to convince her I wouldn't kill her so we went for lunch and a short ride afterwards.

When I got her back to her friends house, she confided that her boyfriend was wanting to buy a bike and now she didn't see a reason to oppose him on the purchase. How do you think I responded???

"NOT in your life girl!!!!"

She didn't see the difference between riding with someone with many years of riding experience as opposed to sitting behind a squid on a powerful sportbike, (which is what he wanted to get.) I quietly explained myself to her and she understood how I felt... it's just that I love her dearly and didn't want to see her hurt. A friend of mine had been seriously injured when we were younger and his accident was all I could see in my mind when she told me about her bf's desire. Even as a rider, I was jaded in my thinking about someone else's desires.

It's a parent thing and I'm sure that you can understand that part of it. If I had met the young man before she said that, I might have felt otherwise, (Nah, he's a selfish, inconsiderate brat, I still feel the same... ) The point is, that sometimes as parents, it's a case of, "Do as I say, not as I do." We think that we know it all, and that we know what's best for our children, sometimes, it's not the case... (Except for the thing about my daughters bf, I'm right about that... )

Sorry for the rant.

Enjoy your ride and don't let your parents get you down. Prove to them how careful and safe you are, and then maybe, just maybe, they can accept that you are an adult and have a right to make this choice in your life...

...do you think that maybe that incident might give her reason to be concerned

- That is a very fair and valid point, and something I considered. However, her accident didn't stop her from continuing after her recovery, not did it cause any lifestyle/attitude changes... (not apparent to me anyhow!) So I would conclude that she wouldn't consider riding a horse as 'dangerous' or as risky as riding a bike.
I do think about how I would feel if my son told me he wanted a bike - which he does already..! - when he is older. I have to say I would be forced in some way to accept his wishes and only do my best to educate him and prepare him as best I could for taking to two wheels himself - and then accept my own ethos that what is meant to happen, will happen; and when its our time to go, it just is our time to go...

Don't worry about it. I'm a single father to THREE young kids (5, 6, and 8 ) and my parents give me grief at times, too. But what is a person to do, live in a bubble? We live in a dangerous world, and death is a certainty no matter how safe you are for the time you are given here.

And, for the record, I owe a broken sternum to a horse but have yet to be hurt on a bike (though I have sustained countless injuries on a 4-wheeler). My mother was nearly killed by yet another horse. Neither point helps you in this case, but tell Mom and Pop that you appreciate their love and concern but that your decisions are your own, and thier love should include a certain level of acceptance for your differences.

I think you are experiencing the normal range of emotions for a complicated deciosion that is ultimately yours alone. Your mom loves you and you love her and it will sort itself out. You can help ease her mind with excellent safety gear and a training course. Motorcycling IS dangerous, but I think those stats are skewed by a lot of people who CHOOSE to ride unsafely. Take it easy on the right bike for you - take a class- dress properly - and you can greatly increase your chances of getting home safe every time. You can't eliminate the danger altogether - neither can someone in a car, but you can be as safe as YOU can be. It'll work out and I hope you stick to your guns.

Henriettaah wrote:Ever had someone pour the biggest load of cold water onto something you feel strongly about?

Hmmm... all the time!

Which is why I was surprised when my parents actually helped me get into motorcycling after I told them. Especially with all the other arguments we were having at the time.

Anyway, like cb360 said show them you're taking a responsible approach and they may eventually accept it.

What most people tend to forget , children and parents both , are that each is simply another human being trying to make it thru the day .
Kind regards, Wizzard

Wizzard wrote:What most people tend to forget , children and parents both , are that each is simply another human being trying to make it thru the day .
Kind regards, Wizzard

Exactly! Now, granted, parents need to take care of business, and kids are the number one priority. But parents need not lay down and die, putting their whole lives on the back burner until the kids move out. As Wizzard said, parents are people, too. We need adventure, stress relief, and fun in order to function and remain sane. If anything, parents need motorcycles more than single folks!

Can I get an "AMEN" from all the parents out there?!