A new chapter...
Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 3:47 am
Well, as some of you may know, I am a single father of three. My oldest, Cullin, was diagnosed with autism at age two. He's eight years old now and has never spoken a word, and still requires pull-ups because his restroom skills are not yet up to par. He understands verbal instructions and has developed rudimentary communication skills through the use of PECS, a picture-based communication system.
His mother and I divorced in 2003. We met in high school at age 15 and dated for three years before we got married. We became pregnant with Cullin two months after we married, and that's when things went downhill. We had two more kids, Caitlyn and Christian, in the seven total years we were married which, in retrospect, was a serious mistake on my part since they are now essentially motherless. In any case, what's done is done.
I have tried my best with Cullin, but I know my limitations. While I'd like to think of myself as an intelligent and educated person, I am not very good at teaching, especially to kids. I have provided a safe home, clean clothes, home-cooked meals, discipline, and plenty of love to my kids - but Cullin has always needed far more than I have to offer. The poor kid already has it hard enough being unable to effectively communicate, but then he was stuck with a mom who took off and left us and a dad who is always on the brink of insanity, what with a full-time job and full-time college courses. I did graduate recently, which was the light at the end of at least one tunnel, but that alone wouldn't make up for my deficiencies.
A year or so ago, after a two-year wait, I managed to get Cullin on what's called a "waiver". Essentially it's an income source that will stay with him for the rest of his life, unless he opts out. Over the last year it has provided him (and me) with respite services designed to give us both a break from one another, but ultimately it was designed to ensure Cullin could remain living at home. I gave all the services a shot, but still feel like Cullin is stalled-out...spinning his wheels and not making the type of progress I know he's capable of.
Recently I approached the Board of MR/DD about placement options. They looked into it for me and came up with some possibilities. I was and am against foster care and adoption, because it's not that I am giving up on him. I wanted something more along the lines of a boarding school or somewhere where he could get around the clock care and education from people blessed with more patience and compassion than me. Thankfully, the timing could not have been more perfect, because of the four current possibilities that were open to me, one fit perfectly and, if I had looked into it at any other time, the opening would not have been there.
It's called the "Shannon House", and it's owned and operated by a wonderful Irish couple who moved here from Ireland some time ago. Joe and one of their employees worked together in a state institution, but felt it was too sterile and devoid of that feeling of "home" that these kids needed more than anything. So Joe, his wife Sara, and his now employee, Tammy, opened the Shannon House for minors and another house for adults. They only provide residence to a total of five special needs kids, so the current opening was a God-send. Cullin spent one weekend there a couple weeks ago and what happened was amazing and quite encouraging. After just three days, Cullin was using sign-language I thought was long forgotten (he had some classes in it four years ago, but none since). He would even sign to Sara that he was going to the restroom and would go take care of business all on his own! Everyone there fell in love with him and I couldn't be more sure that this is the best thing for him if he is to reach whatever potential God has in store for him.
The Shannon House is in Springield, Ohio so it is only about 40-minutes from where I currently live. I retain complete custody of Cullin and have an open invitation to come see him any time, even unannounced. I am also able to designate a list of people, like my parents, who are allowed to take him for the day or overnight or whatever. In addition to his waiver increasing to cover all costs of this residential arrangement, his social security benefits will cap out as well since he will no longer be living at home. In short, an opportunity has opened up for him that far exceeds anything I could give him, but it doesn't involve giving him up in the least bit. He will remain close enough to participate in our family functions, but will get the care and attention he needs from trained, loving individuals. This will also allow me to focus much needed attention on my six year old daughter and five year old son. We have spent countless weekends sitting at home doing nothing for fear that if we went anywhere Cullin would throw a fit or stress me out to the point where relaxing and having fun would be impossible. With school now over (I graduated on October 23rd) and this wonderful opportunity opening up for Cullin, a very VERY trying and stressful chapter of my life has now come to a close.
It's 9:45am here in Ohio, and we're due in Springfield at 11:00am. My oldest is moving out today...
His mother and I divorced in 2003. We met in high school at age 15 and dated for three years before we got married. We became pregnant with Cullin two months after we married, and that's when things went downhill. We had two more kids, Caitlyn and Christian, in the seven total years we were married which, in retrospect, was a serious mistake on my part since they are now essentially motherless. In any case, what's done is done.
I have tried my best with Cullin, but I know my limitations. While I'd like to think of myself as an intelligent and educated person, I am not very good at teaching, especially to kids. I have provided a safe home, clean clothes, home-cooked meals, discipline, and plenty of love to my kids - but Cullin has always needed far more than I have to offer. The poor kid already has it hard enough being unable to effectively communicate, but then he was stuck with a mom who took off and left us and a dad who is always on the brink of insanity, what with a full-time job and full-time college courses. I did graduate recently, which was the light at the end of at least one tunnel, but that alone wouldn't make up for my deficiencies.
A year or so ago, after a two-year wait, I managed to get Cullin on what's called a "waiver". Essentially it's an income source that will stay with him for the rest of his life, unless he opts out. Over the last year it has provided him (and me) with respite services designed to give us both a break from one another, but ultimately it was designed to ensure Cullin could remain living at home. I gave all the services a shot, but still feel like Cullin is stalled-out...spinning his wheels and not making the type of progress I know he's capable of.
Recently I approached the Board of MR/DD about placement options. They looked into it for me and came up with some possibilities. I was and am against foster care and adoption, because it's not that I am giving up on him. I wanted something more along the lines of a boarding school or somewhere where he could get around the clock care and education from people blessed with more patience and compassion than me. Thankfully, the timing could not have been more perfect, because of the four current possibilities that were open to me, one fit perfectly and, if I had looked into it at any other time, the opening would not have been there.
It's called the "Shannon House", and it's owned and operated by a wonderful Irish couple who moved here from Ireland some time ago. Joe and one of their employees worked together in a state institution, but felt it was too sterile and devoid of that feeling of "home" that these kids needed more than anything. So Joe, his wife Sara, and his now employee, Tammy, opened the Shannon House for minors and another house for adults. They only provide residence to a total of five special needs kids, so the current opening was a God-send. Cullin spent one weekend there a couple weeks ago and what happened was amazing and quite encouraging. After just three days, Cullin was using sign-language I thought was long forgotten (he had some classes in it four years ago, but none since). He would even sign to Sara that he was going to the restroom and would go take care of business all on his own! Everyone there fell in love with him and I couldn't be more sure that this is the best thing for him if he is to reach whatever potential God has in store for him.
The Shannon House is in Springield, Ohio so it is only about 40-minutes from where I currently live. I retain complete custody of Cullin and have an open invitation to come see him any time, even unannounced. I am also able to designate a list of people, like my parents, who are allowed to take him for the day or overnight or whatever. In addition to his waiver increasing to cover all costs of this residential arrangement, his social security benefits will cap out as well since he will no longer be living at home. In short, an opportunity has opened up for him that far exceeds anything I could give him, but it doesn't involve giving him up in the least bit. He will remain close enough to participate in our family functions, but will get the care and attention he needs from trained, loving individuals. This will also allow me to focus much needed attention on my six year old daughter and five year old son. We have spent countless weekends sitting at home doing nothing for fear that if we went anywhere Cullin would throw a fit or stress me out to the point where relaxing and having fun would be impossible. With school now over (I graduated on October 23rd) and this wonderful opportunity opening up for Cullin, a very VERY trying and stressful chapter of my life has now come to a close.
It's 9:45am here in Ohio, and we're due in Springfield at 11:00am. My oldest is moving out today...