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The story of Noah and the ark.

The Lord spoke to Noah and said "in six months I will let it
rain until the whole of the earth is covered with water and
all the bad people have perished. However there are some creatures
I want spared and you need to build an ark to save 2 of each
animal so they will survive the floods.

In a flash of light the Lord gave the specifications of the ark
to Noah and told him to build the ark in six months time or all
will be lost. OK said Noah with trembling voice since he was struck
by fear and awe.

Six moths passed and it just started to drizzle a bit from rather
dark skies above. The Lord looked down to find Noah but saw him
sitting in his garden without an ark.

"Noah!" called the Lord with booming voice, "where is the ark?"
"Please, my Lord, forgive me" begged Noah, "I have done all I could
but there were very big problems all along the way".

First I needed to get a building permit which meant a building
application. Then I needed an environmental survey to prove the
ark project was safe. Since your plans were not in compliance I
needed a shipwright to get me some workable drafts. Then there
was the question if the ship would need a sprinkler installation
in case of a fire, it was going to be wood you know.

After all that my neighbor complained because I started building
before the permit had arrived. I also had trouble getting the wood
since the department of woodland preservation of the government
decided this much demand would endanger the resident owls. Even when I argued this whole thing was going to save the owls, they still
imposed the felling ban. When they heard I was going to catch the
owls, and all the other animals, there were whole groups of other
protesters that asked on what basis I chose which particular
animal and not all the others, this was discrimination according to
the RSPB and other charities for the welfare of animals.

With all these problems I soon found that there was not enough time
left, so I hired craftsman to work for me. As soon as there were more than a few of them they founded a union and went on strike for better working conditions.

Just as this problem was getting solved, the department of environmental impact evaluation heard about your impending floods. Immediately they demanded that a study was done on what this would do to the earth, economy and their positions in the government. Your flood is still illegal by the way since they told me yesterday that this study needs a large time span in order to be reliable.

The government was not impressed by my argument that they were not ever going to influence the ways of an almighty. Their reply was to see a map of the intended areas of the floods. I sent them a globe at which I received complaints from the refugee committees who claim this would be far beyond anything they ever had to cope with, and ask for more time and if perhaps the flood could be in 2 or 3 stages in order to allow as many survivors as possible.

I now have the tax office on my back. They confiscated all my belongings on the basis that if I leave the country as sudden as I planned, I must have some undeclared income to hide.

"Honestly my Lord, I do not think I can finish this ark in 5 years!".

Suddenly the sky brightened up and the sun appeared. Noah looked up and smiled. "Does this mean oh Lord, that you will not destroy the whole world?"

"I can't Noah", said the Lord, " your government has beat me to it".

I'm not sure that my God would appreciate you makin' fun of his judgement...but I'm sure one day he will make a joke of you.

Are you offended by my religion yet? Now you know how I feel when you blaspheme my God.

Man I sound like a nut...lol. But it had to be said especially since this was posted months ago and there had to have been countless Christians would have seen this and haven't said anything. You blaspheme him by your silence especially when you know the truth you know...

cruisinflatout wrote:I'm not sure that my God would appreciate you makin' fun of his judgement...but I'm sure one day he will make a joke of you.

Are you offended by my religion yet? Now you know how I feel when you blaspheme my God.

Man I sound like a nut...lol. But it had to be said especially since this was posted months ago and there had to have been countless Christians would have seen this and haven't said anything. You blaspheme him by your silence especially when you know the truth you know...

And you judge those who you have no qualifications to judge. Unless you are claiming yourself as the son himself. Christians seem to be the toughest people to get to act like Christ. Maybe being forgiven of sin makes them a little too cocky.

scanevalexec wrote:

cruisinflatout wrote:I'm not sure that my God would appreciate you makin' fun of his judgement...but I'm sure one day he will make a joke of you.

Are you offended by my religion yet? Now you know how I feel when you blaspheme my God.

Man I sound like a nut...lol. But it had to be said especially since this was posted months ago and there had to have been countless Christians would have seen this and haven't said anything. You blaspheme him by your silence especially when you know the truth you know...

And you judge those who you have no qualifications to judge. Unless you are claiming yourself as the son himself. Christians seem to be the toughest people to get to act like Christ. Maybe being forgiven of sin makes them a little too cocky.

ummm...where was i judgin'???

Here(?):

cruisinflatout wrote:...but I'm sure one day he will make a joke of you.

That's written in the good book my man. (not word for word, but the spirit of the comment is in there)

Isn't it funny that a post that is anti-Christian can sit here for MONTHS without one reply but one like mine gets a response within a few hours...very interesting.

cruisinflatout wrote:I'm not sure that my God would appreciate you makin' fun of his judgement...but I'm sure one day he will make a joke of you.

Are you offended by my religion yet? Now you know how I feel when you blaspheme my God.

Man I sound like a nut...lol. But it had to be said especially since this was posted months ago and there had to have been countless Christians would have seen this and haven't said anything. You blaspheme him by your silence especially when you know the truth you know...

I believe the Joke was not blaspheming your God. The joke was making fun of Man.

And should not only Christians be offended if you are right, but also the Jewish, as this is from the Old Testament ?

THe joke was slightly sacreligious, but not at all blaspheme.

Maybe you are a little oversensitive. Or insecure.

Personally, I believe my God has a sense of humor, and you are proof!

mydlyfkryzis wrote: Personally, I believe my God has a sense of humor, and you are proof!

Nice....

mydlyfkryzis wrote:I believe the Joke was not blaspheming your God. The joke was making fun of Man.

And should not only Christians be offended if you are right, but also the Jewish, as this is from the Old Testament ?

THe joke was slightly sacreligious, but not at all blaspheme.

Maybe you are a little oversensitive. Or insecure.

Personally, I believe my God has a sense of humor, and you are proof!

I agree. I totally thought the joke was poking fun at how we have to clear every dang thing we want to do with some sort of governmental agency. And yes, man does try to control nature, which is crazy, but we try anyway. I was going to build a little shed for my motorcycle, but heard somewhere that any structure on my property must be placed beyond 10 ft. of my house. So I would need clearance from my village government to build it closer to my house. Noah should have just been a bit more secretive.

Cheers,
Loonette

cruisinflatout wrote:Are you offended by my religion yet? Now you know how I feel when you blaspheme my God.

Turn the other cheek. That's a direct quote from the smartest guy who ever walked this planet. (or one of the smartest anyway)

cruisinflatout wrote: Man I sound like a nut...lol. But it had to be said especially since this was posted months ago and there had to have been countless Christians would have seen this and haven't said anything. You blaspheme him by your silence especially when you know the truth you know...

Here is where you are being in judgment. It is not your job decide what God would think. You are judging 1. that the joke as blasphemous and 2. you are judging other Christians here as being silent after seeing the post. You don't even know for sure that someone didn't send a PM addressing your concern (that would be the right way to address such a grievance).

If you want to discuss with your Christian brothers an issue you have with how they are being a Christian, why not form a group for that - and there are a few guys here who might join you. Nothing in the joke posted was nasty to God anyway. I'd like you to explain that part to me - just so I can understand your definition of blaspheme - what was so bad about it towards God? I mean - is this like in old times where you can't even say the name God?

And finally, for a guy all hung up on his religion and its rules you sure use the abbreviation "WTF" quite often. Do you know what that means? I'm sure God does. But I suppose you are forgiven for the judgement and profanity, so why change.

But I will not judge all Christians upon how you behave. I had a few conversations right here in this forum with people who I think walk the walk and talk the talk of being Christ like. That is what Christian means by the way - Christ like. We should all be Christ like. I'll start by forgiving you.

scanevalexec wrote:

cruisinflatout wrote:Are you offended by my religion yet? Now you know how I feel when you blaspheme my God.

Turn the other cheek. That's a direct quote from the smartest guy who ever walked this planet. (or one of the smartest anyway)

cruisinflatout wrote: Man I sound like a nut...lol. But it had to be said especially since this was posted months ago and there had to have been countless Christians would have seen this and haven't said anything. You blaspheme him by your silence especially when you know the truth you know...

Here is where you are being in judgment. It is not your job decide what God would think. You are judging 1. that the joke as blasphemous and 2. you are judging other Christians here as being silent after seeing the post. You don't even know for sure that someone didn't send a PM addressing your concern (that would be the right way to address such a grievance).

If you want to discuss with your Christian brothers an issue you have with how they are being a Christian, why not form a group for that - and there are a few guys here who might join you. Nothing in the joke posted was nasty to God anyway. I'd like you to explain that part to me - just so I can understand your definition of blaspheme - what was so bad about it towards God? I mean - is this like in old times where you can't even say the name God?

And finally, for a guy all hung up on his religion and its rules you sure use the abbreviation "WTF" quite often. Do you know what that means? I'm sure God does. But I suppose you are forgiven for the judgement and profanity, so why change.

But I will not judge all Christians upon how you behave. I had a few conversations right here in this forum with people who I think walk the walk and talk the talk of being Christ like. That is what Christian means by the way - Christ like. We should all be Christ like. I'll start by forgiving you.

Nicely written my man. And for a guy who has called me on my judging others...you seem to be rather eager to judge I...but I forgive you.

As far as whether I am Christ-like enough for you, I didn't proclaim to be perfect nor will I ever do so. Am I supposed to be silent because I'm not perfect enough yet? I mean [wtf]...lol

I was stating an opinion, and it was more of an experiement for me because I wanted to see if people would respond to a Christian view (albeit not a very well founded view in this case) more readily than they would to a non-christian joke. And my experiment was quite successful I might add if you look at the months that passed without comment and as soon as I say something....whammo.

I found the joke a bit funny I'll admit, but I do not think that ANYONE standing in the presence of God in all his glory (as we all will one day) would have the balls to tell a joke like this to his face...and if you did, perhaps you wouldn't be in his presence for long. (Am I judging again...lol)

My God does have a sense of humour but I also know that he is quite particular about not being mocked. And surely, a story about God's judgement and man's disgrace as serious as Noah's falls into that category.

Blaspheme wasn't the word with the meaning that I intended to portray. It was a poorly chosen word and I still can't find one to replace it. (Although sacreligious is almost the word I was lookin for)

As far as you forgiving me, thank you...if you felt that you had a need to forgive me, that's great that you have done so.

Again, I didn't profess to be perfect, I just had something I wanted to say. I do appreciate that this post has done at least one thing - it has got some people thinking about their beliefs and even God for a change. I don't think alot of us (including me) stop to think about that near often enough.

Wow , first time in this particular forum and all I can seem to say is wow .
If you don't think God has a sense of humor . Look around you .
Regards, Wizzard