Wife says no to bike.

[Big B]

that turned out a lot better than i thought it would when i saw who left the last post on this thread

[Bachstrad37]

Scooters are sweet. I'd like one, but it's not practical where I live. My city is way too large with lots of hills and interstate. I'd own one for sure if I lived in an urban setting.

And thanks for posting, Jon's wife. It's great to hear both of your inputs.

[ShawnKing]

OK, Jon's WIFE'S turn LOL!

LOL Welcome, Jon's Wife.

Yes, my brother died, after 5 escrutiating days, as a result of a brain bleed from not wearing his helmet. That was 21 years ago.

We definitely all feel for your loss. I lost a brother over 20 years ago and the pain never goes away.

I read most of the posts through and here's the deal....

LOL

1. I am NOT anti-motor cycle and I do NOT control my husband (at least I don't let him know i do Hahahaha!).

LOL Ain't that the truth! My wife says the same thing.

2. WE BOTH bought BRAND NEW Yamaha 50cc mopeds 6 weeks ago! Already, he wants to trade up to a motorcycle!

Men....what are you gonna do?

3. I'm not even against JON having a motorcycle, but since we've decided to open up our marriage on this forum,

Ummm...I hope you don't open up *too* much.....at least, ot without pics and video.....

4. We live in a small town, so if he wears the proper gear, yadda yadda, all should be fine and good...heck, I'd like to ride on the back!

Good for you!

5. HE HAS TO BE THE ONE TO EXPLAIN THE MOTORCYCLE TO MY MOTHER!!!!! I take ALL the flack from her when we make a decision she doesn't approve of and he doesn't get involved.

LMAO Damn straight!

SO, in closing, MY TERMS ARE: Get the bike if it will make you happy for the long term AND you are willing to face your mother-in-law with that decision!

LOL Yeah...getting that bike might be tough, Jon.

Oh, and for the "you are your own person" people...you're obviously NOT married and if you are, don't get too comfortable, cuz you won't be for long. Marriage is about making decision together for the mutual good of the entire family.

LOL Amen. I hope you guys make a decision that helps with family harmony, regardless of what decision you all make!

[ZooTech]

Oh, and for the "you are your own person" people...you're obviously NOT married and if you are, don't get too comfortable, cuz you won't be for long. Marriage is about making decision together for the mutual good of the entire family.

Explain that to my now ex-wife who controlled everything we did, from where we lived to what we spent money on and then decided to leave me with three little kids, one with autism, to raise by myself. Sorry, but when I hear guys (or gals) say, "I'd really like to [fill in the blank] but my spouse won't let me", I see nothing but a one-sided relationship. Yes, you owe something to your spouse...in fact...more than just "something", but I don't believe you have to account for each and every decision you make. You agreed to share your lives with one another, not give up your decision making ability. Sure, there are clear boundaries (like adultery) that we could talk about, but I seriously don't believe purchasing a motorcycle falls anywhere close to that category.

[Z (fka Sweet Tooth)]

3. I'm not even against JON having a motorcycle, but since we've decided to open up our marriage on this forum, he will admit to being obsessive about something, getting it, then wanting something better almost immediately. I JUST want to make sure that this HUGE purchase will be "enough" for him for a while.


5. HE HAS TO BE THE ONE TO EXPLAIN THE MOTORCYCLE TO MY MOTHER!!!!! I take ALL the flack from her when we make a decision she doesn't approve of and he doesn't get involved.

SO, in closing, MY TERMS ARE: Get the bike if it will make you happy for the long term AND you are willing to face your mother-in-law with that decision!


Peace

Ahhhh well every story has two sides dosen't it... ... I can relate to #3 my husband is the same way. I don't think your terms are unreasonable.

[CNF2002]

Zoo, sounds like you went through a rough time. However I do applaud you for being the parent that your kids deserve even if your wife couldn't be. I hope she's paying her child support and if not, I hope you have her on the deadbeat list.

But I disagree with your opinion that every spouse who says their other half won't let them do something is necessarily controlling. There are extremes, but not always.

Just about everything in a marriage is shared (I've been married only just over a year, and I'm constantly thinking of different ways to continue to work on the relationship which, I think, is a good habit to make). Finances, housekeeping, bringing home the bacon, we try to make an effor to work on all of it as a team...the only time that teamwork breaks down is when one of us has a specific skill or talent that leads one person better suited to a particular task.

Whether or not I buy a gameboy is my business unless we are having money problems. Whether or not she has her nails done is her business. There are things we have that are seperate, but some things just demand that you give it up.

Example: I like to drink in moderation. I enjoy a martini when I get home from work. I drink responsibly and I enjoy it. If however my wife ever came to me and told me to quit because either she was scared for my health or whatever other reason, I would.

Why? Because when you share your life with someone, you don't always get what you want. You can't always 'be your own person' because a big part of you isn't anymore. Sometimes you can compromise and work at it, and sometimes you can't. And it goes both ways if I felt strongly about something she was doing. Sometimes it tough, sometimes it sucks, but you do it.

Jon, if your wife is willing to work on the bike issue and you can come up with some kind of long term compromise...who knows! In 10 years you may get that bike. If not, suck it up and find something else that strikes your fancy. Thats life.

[sharpmagna]

I applaud Jon's wife for posting on here and setting the story straight. Her terms do NOT seem outrageous and can be accomplished with some tact.

[Andrew]

Jon's wife sounds very reasonable. Except for the moped part, I can see how the need for an upgrade would come quickly.

Jon, I would suggest being patient. You sound a lot like me...I wasn't patient, and am now dealing with an irate wife.

[bok]

how mean is the mother-in-law? don't let her within 20 feet of a rolling pin when you tell her about the bike Jon

[ZooTech]

CNF,

Yes, I agree, marriage is full of compromises. However, why would the wife's desire for you to not buy a motorcycle be weighed more heavily than your desire to buy one? Marriage is also about being supportive of your spouse, even when they're pursuing personal interests that may not be your own. Of course the family's finacial state must be taken into consideration, but a more reasonable compromise would be to save a certain amount of money and split it 50/50 on whatever interests each person. Or, as some couples do, you could keep your finances separate and simply contribute to the "general fund" (mortgage, bills, car payments, savings, vacation) and spend what's left pursuing your own interests. There's nothing wrong with maintaining a bit of your own identity while married.