Ninja's of a different sort

[Big B]

Ninja Fact Sheet

1. The Nobel Peace Prize medal depicts three naked men with their hands on each other's shoulders. 9 out of 10 ninjas think the Nobel Peace Prize is for chartreuse.

2. When choosing a college, 3 out of 4 ninjas choose Virginia Tech as their safety school.

3. If you counted 24 hours a day, it would take 31,688 years to reach one trillion! A ninja can chop your head off before you get to 1.

4. America once issued a 5-dollar ninja coin shaped like a throwing star!

5. America stopped issuing 5-dollar ninja coins shaped like throwing stars after ninjas kept chopping people's heads off with them.

6. A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue! A ninja can chop off a giraffe's tongue with a 21-inch throwing star.

7. Ninjas always turn left when exiting a cave!

8. Ninjas only exit caves after chopping off someone's head with a throwing star.

9. Humans blink over 10,000,000 times a year! While you are blinking, a ninja just chopped your head off with a throwing star.

10. All ninjas are honorary Harlem Globetrotters.

11. Ninjas don't talk. They listen.

12. Q: What is the only thing Chuck Norris is afraid of? A: Ninjas.

13. Q: What is the only thing a ninja is afraid of? A: Really angry cats. HISS!

14. A ninja’s biggest expense is throwing stars. A ninja’s second biggest expense is birth control.

15. The average person laughs 13 times a day! The average ninja is always laughing. Laughing at you. Right before he chops your head off with a throwing star.



16. A ninja can kill you with a toothpick. Almost 50 million Americans are killed every year by toothpicks.

17. The opposite sides of a dice cube always add up to seven! Ninjas find this very ironical.

18. Unless you have big breasts, a ninja will not add you as a friend on myspace.

19. 4 out of 5 ninjas would choose “OK Computer” by Radiohead if they were trapped on a desert island with only 1 CD.

20. 1 out of 4 ninjas prefer “Kid A”.

21. A fetus develops fingerprints at eighteen weeks! It takes a ninja 5 seconds to put on their claw gloves and scamper up a telephone pole. These two facts are unrelated.

22. Most people think that it only takes a pair of ninja ashiko foot spikes to climb a wall. Ninjas make a killing selling ashiko foot spikes to people who think they are ninjas and can climb walls.

23. Ninjas also make a killing selling throwing stars and ninja tabi boots to this same demographic.

24. Q: The Vatican is to Catholics as ____ is to Ninjas!
A: PAIN

25. Most ninjas favorite videogame is Shinobi.

26. Most ninjas second favorite videogame is Madden 05.

27. Every second, Americans collectively eat one hundred pounds of chocolate. Ninjas do not eat chocolate. Ninjas are too busy hanging from your ceiling with their ashiko foot spikes waiting to chop your head off with a throwing star. Fatty.

28. All ninjas retire in Costa Rica. And by "retire", I mean "kill". And by "in Costa Rica", I mean "babies with downs syndrome".

29. Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lightning than women! Ninjas are lightning. Actually, ninjas are not actually lightning. It’s a metaphor.

30. Ninjaphobia is the fear of being killed by a ninja!

31. Algophobia is the fear of pain. A ninja is pain. Thusly, algophobia is the same thing as ninjaphobia.

32. Necrophobia is the fear of dying. Ninjas kill people with throwing stars. Necrophobia is the same thing as ninjaphobia.

33. Some people confuse Necrophobia with Necrophilia, which is having sex with dead people. The percentage of ninjas engaging in necrophilia is no higher than normal societal rates

[fireguzzi]

That was freakin hilarius.

[NorthernPete]

those seem kinda sorta similar to Chuck Norris Facts....