LADIES: Accepting gifts from male bikers?

[StradBiker]

I ride regularly with a small group - the hard core riders are myself and two other single women in our 40's, and two married guys in their 60's. I've met all spouses and boyfriends. My problem is this - one of the guys the other day presented me with a receipt (with price cut out) for some things for my bike which I mentioned I wanted to get. (I have the smallest bike in the group, and I only started riding a year ago.) Knowing what this stuff is worth (well over $500), I do feel a bit strange about this. But he can certainly afford it, MUCH more than I can, and he says there are no strings attached.

How many of you have ever found yourself in a similar situation? My BF says the guy is only after one thing, but I don't think so. If this ever happened to you, how did you handle it? Accept it at face value and say thank you? Decline the offer and risk making things really strange? Help!

[blues2cruise]

Accept it at face value and say thank you. If the gesture really was made out of kindness, then it would be good to be gracious. Sometimes people just like to do nice things for other people.

If later on he starts hinting around, then you could give them back.

[TechTMW]

If I may reply ... This guy's intentions, whether legit or not are irrelevant when you consider that your B/F thinks he's trying to hit on you.

I don't know what kind of guy your b/f is, but if he's the jealous type, accepting the other guys gifts is just like implicitly accepting a pass from him - it might cause a bad situation wrt his attitude towards you and your riding buddies. It could cause serious tension. I think even a laid-back type of guy will feel some kind of resentment, although it might take some time to come out.

So it's 6 one way, half a dozen the other, wrt "making things really strange" like you said. If you are serious w/ your b/f, you should really talk to him and try to see how he felt if you accepted the gifts, because tension in your personal life could be alot more intolerable than (what would probably be) short-lived tension among riding buds.

[ofblong]

I agree with tech. the issue isnt with the guy giving you stuff the issue is with your b/f. A good relationship shouldnt worry about what the other "partner" is doing and who they are with.

[CNF2002]

I wouldnt accept it. How long have you known this guy? Buying a little trinket for your bike might be a 'welcome to the club' kind of gift, but $500 worth of accessories?

Your boyfriend might be right...he may have something more in mind. Or he could be one of those guys that buys friendships. This guy is married, yes? Does his wife know he bought the gifts for you? How does she feel about it?

Could be that he and his wife decided to buy you the gifts. Otherwise I'd be suspicious.

[Lion_Lady]

I've got to say that if his gift was closer to $100 than $500 I would feel differently, if it were me.

Simply say that his gift really is far too generous for you to accept. Thank him for his thoughtfulness, but firmly refuse. You can be honest and tell him that you don't want to put your b/f in an uncomfortable situation, even if there are no strings attached.

(When someone says 'no strings attached' they sometimes mean the opposite.)

P

[scan]

Another male voice here - I think jealousy is one thing, but in this case I think it would make most BF or DH wonder what was up. If you feel this guy is just rich beyond most folks, it might be fine, especially if you've seen him throw the funds around. If you have never seen him dump over a hundred bucks on something trivial, I'd wonder why this otherwise univolved guy would get so invested in you. Also, do you sense he is interested in you as a GF? If that is not even possible, I guess you BF is being silly - but if there is the possiblity he is scoping you out, you should try to understand how that would make you BF feel. Someone else is providing for you in a big way, and that makes most males sad. Rational - not sure, but when is humanity truely rational. Just ask a Vulcan. (alien space guys, not Kawasaki motorcycle.)

[CNF2002]

Giving gifts to women IS a male mating strategy. The polls don't lie, even when ladies are full-time professionals with plenty of money to support themselves and a whole family on their own, they look down on any man who doesn't want to work. Men are providers, and those who don't struggle to provide are considered lazy.

[Z (fka Sweet Tooth)]

If it's a habit of his to spend money like that, then just graciously accept it. $500 might be alot of money for some and literaly just a drop in the bucket for others, im guessing he's one of those people.

[Candy750]

Politely say no. Maybe nothing "up"; maybe your BF is "too" jealous. But, why lead anyone on? Give them the wrong idea. I guess I always think of "the appearance of impropriety".