Confessions of a Commuter

[CNF2002]

Monday
Miles: 9,581
Mood:

Confession #62- I love construction.

I just about fell to sleep on the morning commute.

They recently redid the freeway. Repaving, that is. Add an HOV lane? Nah. Widen the road? Nah. Let's not do something practical to decrease congestion, lets repave the road even though there's nothing wrong with it and close half the lanes and freeways and park some giant construction vehicles there and take a few dozen coffee breaks and work in shifts of 2 people.

Meanwhile, the rest of the workers can sit on the concrete barriers and watch the traffic.

All this work costs alot. Let's raise property taxes!

Despite my complaints, I sure do like the new road. I should enjoy it while it lasts. It will be full of potholes by next week, right? The executives just have to drive to work in their 1 1/2 SUVs, after all.

The road is quiet, smooth, slick black. And grippy! Oddly enough, there were patches where the road wasn't repaved. Why? Who knows. They were driving along in their repaver and didn't stop when they were refilling the machine, I guess. It was like in that movie "Shining" when the kid is riding his big-wheel through the hotel, from hardwood to carpet, so you here a "Vwrrrrrr" and sudden silence. Vwrrrr. Silence. Vwrrrr. Silence.

Like a lullaby. A soothing ocean wave crashing against the shore. So peaceful. And then the cool road ahead, so smooth. So nice.

Isn't it strange? They redid the roads, blocked off half the lanes, and still traffic was lighter than usual. I guess half of the city woke up to find their ramp closed and called in sick.

[CNF2002]

Tuesday
Miles: 9,599
Mood:

Confession #63- I like red.

Last year I painted my motorcycle black. I think I am going to paint it red now.

[NorthernPete]

or.....crimson?

[KarateChick]

or.....crimson?

Nooooooo......

[noodlenoggin]

...Or vermilion?

[CNF2002]

Thursday
Miles: 9,623
Mood:

Confession #64- I didn't coin the term 'obliviot', but I pretend I did.

I wish I owned a gold Ford Expedition. You gasp! How could I say such a thing? You see, as I learned this morning, if one is in ownership of a gold Ford Expedition they are free to drive however they please, intimidate whoever they wish, and generally make a complete jerk out of themselves with no consequence.

This morning I am on a rural road, avoiding the backed up traffic of the primary freeway on-ramp for my neighborhood, when behind me comes a giant gold Expedition. This guy (or gal) wants to go faster. In fact, the speed limit is 30, I am doing 40, and he wants to go faster. Not only does he ride my tail for a good 30 seconds, flashing his lights (keep in mind this is a single lane road with huge ditches on either side, no shoulder) signaling that I am clearly in his way. Not only does he bobble back and forth as some kind of symbol of his apparent torment at having to acknowledge the existance of other people. But as the road begins to widen, he veers into the opposing lane and slams the gas, forcing me to veer right onto the new double-lane road while he storms by. But this is not all. During all this, a police officer was right behind us and did nothing!

My only victory was that after he passed me and sped on, around a shopping center, onto a main road, through the underpass, onto the on-ramp, onto the freeway having gone through 3 stoplights now, and 5 miles down the road when I catch up to the jammed traffic, not ONLY was I right there beside him but he so unwisely chose the left-most "fast" lane. You remember what I said about lanes? I was in the middle lane, which is always on average the fastest. So my victory was that after all his speeding and jerkery, by the time we were settled into the morning traffic commute, I was in front of him.

Score one for the good guys.

Does anyone know what an "obliviot" is? An obliviot is a person who goes around and does what they please without regard to anyone around them, oblivious. Expedition was not an obliviot, he was just a jerk. An obliviot is someone who doesn't know what they are doing because they are too self-absorbed to care, or think about caring. An obliviot is a person who answers their cellphone and starts yelling into it in the middle of a quiet romantic restaurant. A person who spends 15 minutes in a public restroom and doesn't flush the toilet when they leave. A person who leave their baby's dirty diaper on the changing table they left open along with whatever plastic wrappers their products came in. These people think the ideas of a "lady" and a "gentleman" went out of style as soon as Donna Reed was taken off the air.

I saw about 20 of them today.

My office has graciously allowed a neighboring office to use our garage for their parking, while theirs is under renovation. We offer them the unused south side of our lot. We are courteous neighbors and friendly hosts. So what do they do?

They park all their cars right in the north side of the lot, right next to the gate, and leave them there all day. All of our employees are forced to park in the back. Why? Obviously they felt they had the right to park wherever was most convenient for them.

Obliviots.

[CNF2002]

Monday
Miles: 9,651
Mood:

Confession #65- I know how to count!

I'm a lucky duck. It was raining yesterday and the weatherman insisted that it would rain today. Not a drop. All the water on me during my ride to work was from the roadway, thanks to the spinning tires of my fellow commuters.

Construction always takes a turn for the worse during the rain. Grading is unfinished, people drive slower (one would hope) and lanes or whole roads become flooded. It can take a person twice as long to get to work as it does on a normal, sunny day.

So, if it takes me 30 minutes to get to work with no traffic, and 45 minutes to get to work in the early morning traffic jam, I should give myself at least an hour and a half to get to work during a rainy, wet, gloomy Monday morning. Thats 45 minutes times 2. My mathematical skills are amazing.

I say so because I am the only one in this city who can count.

My coworkers are often shocked that I made it to work on time. No, that I made it 15 minutes early. Why? Because everyone, from the honest accountant to the twisted telemarketting supervisor, seems to think that a rainy day and horrible traffic is an excuse not to show up to work on time.

By simple deduction, you should wake up in time to leave for work to account for all traffic conditions. No need to turn on the TV to check weather, just look outside. If its wet, you need more time to get to work. Its as simple as that. Plan ahead! Give yourself a treat everytime you wake up early with no need to head out into the cattle drive before your due time. Personally, I make myself a nice cup of coffee. Maybe I'll read. If I'm feeling really adventurous, I might even talk to my wife. The point being, there is no excuse to being late to work. If a small accident makes you late, you need to arrive to work earlier every day. Why is it so unheared of to get to work 15 minutes early with your breakfast and eat it before your shift?

Unfortunately for me, and you, people still leave at the same time and end up late and of course, this makes them angry. This also makes them ride each other bumper to bumper, refusing to let anyone in, as if it will make them any less late to have some common courtesy. I actually found myself, merging from one freeway to another, crammed in between 2 SUVs. All 3 lanes were going into one. I was in the middle, they were on the sides of me, and they literally sandwiched me in. Slowing down wouldn't have helped, there was a guy right on my rear tire, and two more right on the rear bumpers of the SUVs. I literally had to turn my head, wave an angry fist at the guy to my right and honk my horn before he so graciously allowed me to occupy his personal space on his personal freeway.

But I'm still happy. Why? Because I don't have to explain why I was late to my boss, or why there's a new dent on my fender to my wife.

[CNF2002]

Tuesday
Miles: 9,672
Mood:

Confession #66- I think scooters are silly.

I saw an accident today. Well, I didn't see it, I heard it. Behind me in traffic I am in the right lane, stuffed with cars waiting for an offramp. All the other lanes are clear and cars are moving quickly in it. Not a good situation. Needless to say, as I guess, someone decided to bolt out into the clear lane when they saw a good opportunity.

Unfortunately they seem to have forgotten that there was a car in front of them at the time. BANG! I hear the crunch, look back, and the car behind me is pulling off the road with a truck behind it, wobbling from the impact, blinker on, driver with his jaw on the steering wheel.

I bet the victim of the accident was maaaaad. You have to be really peeved off when you're sitting there doing nothing and suddenly someone slams into you. Ruins your day. Well, your month while your car is in the shop.

Saw a scooter downtown. I was looking her over. She waved, I waved back. There was just something hilarious about her. Glad I had my helmet on, I was on the verge of cracking up. I don't know why I never noticed this before.

Scooters are silly!

She had this little helmet on, knees tucked up in front of her, arms at nearly 90 degree angles to her body and hunched over a bit..put put putting away. Sure, scooters are fun, cool, and may be hip, but there's one thing I noticed today.

The riding position on a scooter is exactly like sitting on the john.

Worse, her elbows are flapping, and all she needs its a little grimmace to signal that she's really struggling to birth some processed goods. It got me thinking, why not install a hole in the seat? You could take long scooter trips at 45mph without ever having to stop. Like those airplane toilets that store the waste until you arrive at your destination. Or you can do it astronaut style. I bet no one would tailgate you after that!

[Random Seed]

The riding position on a scooter is exactly like sitting on the john.

Worse, her elbows are flapping, and all she needs its a little grimmace to signal that she's really struggling to birth some processed goods. It got me thinking, why not install a hole in the seat? You could take long scooter trips at 45mph without ever having to stop. Like those airplane toilets that store the waste until you arrive at your destination. Or you can do it astronaut style. I bet no one would tailgate you after that!

OMG... thanks a lot for making me laugh so hard I had to visit my throne. I don't think I'll be able to look at a scooter the same again.

[CNF2002]

Wednesday
Miles: 9,698
Mood:

Confession #67- I hate Starbucks.

So I'm riding along today, cruising on the freeway at a smooth 15 miles per hour, when I come up next to a red van. Sticking out of this van is a huge green piece of cloth, flapping in the wind. The lady driving is oblivious to her fashion plight, and is bopping her head back and forth to some unheard music (probably polka).

Being the sincere, helpful citizen that I am, I decide to help.

So I honk my horn to get her attention. She looks over, and I begin my attempts to bring her up to speed. I grab a chunk of my pants, then point to her lower door, then make a flapping motion with my hand. I thought my hand signals were pretty clever. They weren't.

What I meant was, "Your skirt is caught in your door and flapping in the wind", but she apparently interpretted this it as, "My pants are on fire for you, open your door and flap your legs for me" because she immediately flipped me off!

Well...I never!

But it's fine, because it started to rain. Sure, I got wet, but at least my coworkers won't point and snicker at me in the elevator because my neon green dress has a huge muddy wet stain in the middle of it.

Skip ahead a few miles. I am shocked when I look over and see this person in a car with her cheeks puffed out like a balloon. Seconds later she opens her mouth and a bunch of brown crumbs fly out just before she shoves a huge chunk of a Starbucks pastry in her mouth, smearing icing all over her face as the yellow bread explodes from her eager chomps.

I was terrified. I had flashbacks to that fast food commercial where the happy customer is eating a burger, dripping all over themselves, then stuffing their dirty fingers in their mouths and licking their hands and finally smearing their greasy mouth all over the sleeve of their shirt. I have to ask, did anyone want to eat fast food burgers after seeing that? I barely wanted to drink a glass of water after watching that hideous fiasco.

Anyway, Starbucks sucks. They have 20 different things on the menu and only 6 of them contain actual coffee. Would you like some coffee with your hot sugar milk? Seriously. I know that 1% of the customers order regular coffee. They only allow the pot to sit there for 30 minutes (because, of course, the sophisticated connoisseurs that their customers are, would never visit their establishment again if the coffee was brewed an hour ago) so they throw most of it out. Its a bit disconcerning to know that you're paying $3.00 for a regular coffee because of Starbuck's wastefulness.

I admittedly became addicted to Starbucks for a while. They allow you to taste everything, frequently, knowing that you will become addicted. They also assume the employees won't drink a cup of coffee instead of throwing it in the trash. Right. Maybe we can go to a homeless shelter and let them watch us throw away some fruit thats been sitting on the shelf for 2 hours? No wonder 80% of their customers drive gas guzzling SUVs. No doubt before every corporate meeting, the board members bring in some starving orphans, blow cigar smoke in their face and throw pastries out the window while they watch, and then break their legs.

The most idiotic sign in Starbucks is the one that you see when you leave. "Thanks, Come Again!"

It should read, "Thanks, Sucker!"