removing the olives and placing them in a jar.
When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the
Irishman started to leave.
"S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had
done, "what was that all about, then?"
"'Tis for me wife, it is," said the Irishman, " 'Twas she that sent me out for a jar of olives!"
*******************************************************
"I've Lost Me Luggage"
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal
with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if
he was already homesick.
"No," replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!"
"How'd that happen?"
"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.
*****************************************************
"Water to Wine"
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for
speeding in Connecticut.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an
empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been
drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it
again!"
***********************************************
"The Brothel"
Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel
across the street.
They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said,
"Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."
Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said,
"Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation
as well."
Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the
Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be dying.
*************************************
Irish Cemetery
Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub
late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old
graveyard..
"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave,
God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."
"That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole, it says
here that he was 95 when he died."!
Just then, Seamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be
145!"
"What was his name?" asks Paddy.
Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else
is written on the stone marker, and exclaims,
"Miles from Dublin."
***************************************************
Irish Predicament
Drunk Ole Mulvihill (From the Northern Irish Clan) staggers into a
Catholic Church, enters a confessional box, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but Ole Mulvihill
just sits there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin', fer there's no paper on this side either."
***************************************************
Irish Last Request
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning
service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary, my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, It's terrible news I've got. My husband passed away
last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any
last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father..."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, "He said, 'Please, Mary, I'm beggin' you - put down that gun!'
