Hey Canadians! What is a "Newfie Joke"?

[jackM50black]

I got wind of something called a Newfie Joke or Newfie humor. I am going to take a guess that it has something to do with Newfoundland.

[BuzZz]

Give that man a Skreech.

[Sev]

So this Newfie walks into a bar with a big ol pile of dog "poo poo" in his hands. And says, "hey guys, look what I almost stepped in."

[Ninja Geoff]

?

[bennettoid]

A Newfoundland woman "of a certain age", visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's sex drive.

"What about trying stalagmite?", asks the doctor.

"Oh, no, doctor, I couldn't do dat," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin.

"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."

It wasn't a week later, that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to the progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh Jaysus Mary and Joseph, doctor, twas horrid. Just terrible!"

"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did like you said and slipped it into his coffee, lard. De effect was almost immediate. He jumped hisself straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging something fierce! With one swoop of his arm he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and then, Lard tunder and Jaysus, didn't he take me right then and there, making wild,mad passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you!"

"Why so terrible?", asked the doctor. "Do you mean the sex was not good?"

"No, no, no, Doctor. The sex was fine. Indeed, 'twas the best sex I had in 25 years. But, oh me son, I'll never be able to show me face in Tim Horton's ever again!"

[BuzZz]

Luckily for that lady, there's always another Tim's 2 blocks down.....

[blues2cruise]

What's black and blue and floats in the bay?


A mainlander telling a Newfie joke

[Wizzard]

Tanks fer floying Air Newfie

Newfie Flight 101 was flying from St. John's to Fort McMurray one night,
with Russell the Pilot, and Glen the co-pilot. As they approached Fort
McMurray airport, they looked out the front window. "B'jeesus" said Russell
"Will ye look at how fookin short dat runway is". "You're not fookin kiddin,
Russell" replied Glen. "Dis is gonna be one a' de trickiest landings you're
ever gonna see" said Russell. "You're not fookin kiddin, Russell" replied
Glen. "Right Glen. When I give de signal, you put de engines in reverse"
said Russell. "Right, I'll be doing dat," replied Glen. "And den ye put de
flaps down straight away," said Russell. "Right, I'll be doing dat," replied
Glen. "And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can," said Russell
"Right, I'll be doing dat," replied Glen. "And den ye pray to de Mother Mary
with all a' your soul," said Russell. "I be doing dat already," replied
Glen. So they approached the runway with Russell and Glen full of nerves and
sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Glen put the engines in
reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary
with all of his soul. Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tyres and lots of
smoke, the plane screeched to a halt
centimetres from the end of the runway, much to the relief of Russell and
Glen and everyone on board. As they sat in the cockpit regaining their
composure, Russell looked out the front window and said to Glen, "Dat has
gotta be de shortest fookin runway I have EVER seen in me whole life." Glen
looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Russell, but look how fookin
wide it is.

[jmillheiser]

I take it there is supposed to be some type of local "dialect" spoken in Newfoundland? Kinda like people from Ontario ending every sentence with, eh?

[blues2cruise]

I take it there is supposed to be some type of local "dialect" spoken in Newfoundland? Kinda like people from Ontario ending every sentence with, eh?

Aside from local dialect, they also have a distinct accent quite different from us on the west coast.