My Vacation - Depression - & Latin Women

[MrGompers]

I heard the internets was a good place to spill your guts out to people anonymously. So here it goes. Hope you find this interesting.

I took a 7 day vacation to the Dominican Republic. I've been back home for 2 weeks now. That's how long it's taken me to gather my thoughts. Hopefully, I can keep this in a coherent order.

This was the first time in my life I have ever planned a vacation in advance and the first time I ever left the USA. Maybe a bit sad considering I'm 37, but you have to start sometime. Due to my job vacations are very hard to come by, so I was really looking forward to this. I also went alone. The hotel I stayed at had plenty of activities to keep busy. Plus I'm a loner anyway. (the loner part didn't last long as you'll read)

Started off well enough. Flight was delayed 30 minutes leaving New York City, but no big deal. Landed in the DR about 3h:15m later. Go thru all the immigration and passport stuff in about 5 minutes. Step outside and its 85 F. (the temp in NYC was 30 F) and to think this weather was only 3+ hours away. That put a huge smile on my face. Get into a taxi and off to the hotel.

This is about a 20 minute ride. The main road to all the resorts is fairly clean. Drivers in the DR do not obey traffic signals or laws at any time. The stop signs and lites are only suggestions. There is no traffic enforcement whatsoever that I could see. There are 1,000's of scooters & motorcycles everywhere. They actually outnumber cars. They also have a motorcycle taxi called "motoconcho" that carry up to 4 people at a time. A sight to see. I wouldn't get on one of those things tho I prefer to walk and live. With all the chaos tho I didn't see anyone get taken out. The DR drivers did use their horns a lot. Maybe that helped.

First nite at the hotel and the women are everywhere. They actually outnumber the men by about 5 to 1. The hotel has a gambling, bar/disco, and private beach. This is a single guys paradise. Most of the women are locals. Now they speak spanish in the DR and barely any english. I already knew this before I went so no surprise. I know enough spanish to get by anyway. If you do go to the DR I recommend learning some spanish tho. It will go a long way with the locals.

I meet a couple ladies and dance with them. They try to teach me merengue and bachata. No easy task considering I'm a big lanky white guy with huge feet. I think the 7th law of physics states "white men can't jump or dance." Now I found merengue fairly easy, but the bachata I couldn't catch on too. I think its a dance native to the DR.

After way too many "presidentes" the local beer and cubre libre's its off to bed. Wake up with a mild hangover. The first nite was really the only nite I drank in excess. I'm not much of a drinker and I didn't want to waste my vacation being drunk.

My typical routine was to eat breakfast and then walk along the beach and/or go swimming everyday. On the second day I meet a new lady on the beach. In the DR there's no breaking the ice per se like in the USA. Women come up to you and just start talking - albeit in spanish - LOL. This one actually speaks some english. We fumble along a bit in english, but its not really working out. I ask her to just go with spanish and speak slowly. This works and we start making some progress.

First thing I recoginze her saying is "hermoso ojos" which means beautiful eyes AFAIK. I have blue eyes and appearantley this draws attention in a country where everyone has brown eyes. This "hermoso ojos" later becomes annoying as every woman I meet is saying it. Now I know how women feel when every man just looks at their chest instead of paying attention.

We spend the day together. Some dancing and drinking that nite (not to excess) she didn't drink much either which was good. Walk on the beach hold hands innocent stuff. Back to the room watch some TV try to teach each other some english/spanish. Despite what you think nothing happened. A real sweet woman. I wish it was that easy to meet women in the USA. I didn't see her the next day she was no where to be found.

I find her the next next day and we immediately connect. Now it starts getting interesting. She starts to tell me about her life and whatnot. She's pretty, but her life isn't. Hard to find a job and when you can you only make about $200USD a month. Based on a 40hr work week that would be $1 an hour.

There's an underlying tone of racism or perhaps "classism" would be a better word in the DR. The lighter skinned people have the money and control and they tend to speak english. Since they can send their kids to private school to learn it. I don't think public schools teach english. Kinda of ironic since to be sucessful in the DR you need to speak english & spanish.

She takes me off the resort to see the real DR. I missed this on the taxi ride in from the airport. There are lots of side streets off the main road and once you turn onto one of them it's a different world. Most of the streets are not paved. Abandoned houses and businesses everywhere. Kids in the street begging for money. Electricity goes out everyday for hours at a time. The resorts and people who own nice houses have back up generators to deal with this.

I wasn't scared at all to be in these areas. Altho being with a native probably helped. I spoke with the people in these areas as best I could in spanish. They really appreaciated that I tried to speak spanish. Knowing some of the language for the country you're visiting goes a long way.

What I could gather is the govt, police, and military are all corrupt. The govt put in a new tax on all goods including food. Now these people are poor - who can't afford much food to begin with- adding a tax is an insult.
The main road in from the airport was recently cleaned up because there's an election coming up and it looks better for the tourists.

After my tour of the "real DR" we go back to the hotel. We eat, dance, drink, play pool, etc. Really starting to get to know one another. I didn't know it yet, but we would be spending the next 3 days together.

BEWARE OF THE DOMINICAN WOMEN. The way they speak, move, dance, and just carry themselves is intoxicating. I was drawn in almost instantly. I had no chance. I liked just listening to her speak spanish. It was so sexy and fluid. Another week with her and I would've been married. Sure I'll get you a visa and a green card no problema. Good thing I left when I did. - Fast Forward -

Land back in NYC at 9:30pm and get back to Conn. around 12 midnite. Jeez its 25 F degrees. I actually got off the plane wearing shorts. Back in my house and the depression starts. The weather doesn't help the situation at all. It's hard to go from being busy all the time to having absolutely nothing to do at all. The intense 3-day relationship starts to haunt me.

I realize now how enamored I was with this women. Seems like a rip off to me. If I knew is was going to be this hard I wouldn't have bothered. This is the kind of pain you feel after relationships that last years.
And to make things even worse she actually called me a couple days after I returned home. Talking about how much fun it was - how much she likes me etc. I honestly didn't expect to hear from her. I gave her my phone number to be nice. She actually wants me to come back to visit her. I don't think I can deal with that. Way too difficult to be on a high like that and come crashing back down to reality.

I call her a couple times tho since I can afford it more than she can. We have some nice conversations altho difficult at times with the language. I'm not sure what to do with her. I haven't spoken to her since Sunday and its probably for the best. I think she has come to her senses that this won't work out. Ahh - its always easier when someone else decides. Anyways to be a gentlemen I left her a message and told her to call back if she wants. No pressure.

This was really just a vent. As I have been driving my mom, sisters, and friends crazy with this escapade. Writing about it should be the last step to recovery. I'm feeling better already. Maybe I'll be able to eat a decent meal now.

What really bothers me the most is it seems like a huge rip off. Why have a 3-day relationship if the pain is going to be there at the end. I'm willing to endure pain for the ending of a long relationship of which I've had 3. For the rest of my life I'll think of this woman from time to time and wonder what happened to her. I definitely didn't ask for this. She just fell into my lap. Next time I go on vacation I promise not to speak to pretty women.

I'd be interested if anyone else has had a similar experience. Would you have done something different?

BTW, the women in this story is 25 and I'm 37 if that matters.

[blues2cruise]

Yes...I was in Australia. Many years ago. I lived in Vancouver. He lived in New Jersey. I still remember his name. For a few days it was fun and exciting but the long distance made it what it was. Just a fun few days. We corresponded a few times, but then let it go.

You were on a high. You have crashed. You will look back on it as a fond memory.
Something about going on vacation away from everyone and everything you know makes you let loose a little bit. Being in the tropics with the warmth and the fragrant air and sultry women......it was like a magical time.....it took you away from the reality of your everyday life.

Just treasure the memories and move on.

[koji52]

I had a somewhat similar experience a while back. But I think what you need to do is just be happy that you met and enjoyed your time with her (innocent and not-so-innocent ) If it nags at you so much though, head down there or fly her up to you (since you can't get vacation time easily). You only get one go in this life, and if it won't leave you in a terrible financial state, I would say take a risk. You just have to weigh out the cost and benefit of doing something like that. Then again, I'm a sucker for the Hispanic ladies. I might have to take a vacation down there now haha. Either that or buy a new bike. That'll make you feel better. Just my 0.02

I guess the disclaimer should be that I am only 23, so I think disasters are a bit easier to recover from in the long term for me.

BTW regarding the old "never talk to a pretty lady again," you need to say that to one of your friends so he can slap the hell out of you. I think the quote goes: "It's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all."

[Loonette]

What they said...

It's not the same as a "relationship that lasts for years". I've been married for 20+ years, and there's a real investment with that.

Your feelings for this person are certainly not diminished, however, based on the amount of time spent with her. You got live off the high of your romance endorphins for several days, and that's still love.

As it has already been said, look on it as a really good energy that you were able to share with someone else. Some relationships just happen to last for less time that others - but there will be others.

Cheers,
Loonette

[MrGompers]

You nailed that one with the endorphins. I totally forgot about the hormones that come into play with love. I feel better now knowing that.

I had left a lot out of that post because it was getting quite long. Aside from the love I've come to realize I also feel bad for her. Seeing the real country and hearing her story had quite an effect on me. To think I'm back here with a comfortable life while she struggles to get by doesn't seem fair. If I called her in 5 years she would probably be in the same situation. No wonder why so many people are trying to leave that country. Altho she does have the weather to enjoy. I could get used to 80 F everyday of the year.

One positive thing about this is I managed to lose 20lbs in 2 weeks. I just need one more broken heart and I'll reach my ideal weight. LOL

I'm starting to feel better now. The depression was prolonged because I actually spoke to her a few times after I came home. And the weather here in Conn doesn't help in the least. If I could actually go out riding I'd be out of this funk quickly. I don't think its a good idea to visit a warm climate during the winter anymore. It's a huge let down coming back to single digit temps.

As for visiting her again I don't think I can take that emotional roller coaster again at my age. I can sleep well knowing I tried to give it a go. I don't want to be on my deathbed one day thinking I should've called that Dominican woman back.

Besides meeting this woman - which was very unexpected - this experience has been a real eye opener. I have a truly blessed life here in the USA. I am very greatful for all I have and all the opportunities I have/had here in the USA. It's no wonder millions of immigrants are trying to come here every year.

My advice to anyone visiting a country like this would be;

1. Try to speak the language of the natives. And you'll find these people are extremely warm, friendly, and humble. They would give you their last morsel of food.

2. Go off the resort and into the neighborhoods "barrios" bring a local with you if you can. Remember to leave your swagger at home especially if your from the NYC area. That may work in NYC, but its a turn off here.

3. Learn from my experience and don't speak to the pretty women - LOL. Unless your willing to endure the heartbreak afterwards.

When does riding season begin? Forecast calls for snow tonite - LOL.
Looks like another weekend of video games for me.

Peace