a funny...

[Hondagirl]

go right ahead! I stole it too

[Hondagirl]

In an office:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW


In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT


In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS


In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN


In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD


Outside a secondhand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?


Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS


Spotted in a safari park:

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR


Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR


Notice in a farmer's field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

My fave:
On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

[shovelhead13]

There is one thing that ought to crack every biker up. Choppers can be just like wild horses.

(link removed - Admin -- ed. I see this is your first post and your promoting your site. I don't think our members want to visit a site to read 4 pages of back links in a drunk biker story...thanks).

[wuyang]

Funny

[blues2cruise]

I heard this on the bus last night.

Why can't blind people go skydiving?
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cuz it scares the krap out of the dog.

[Hondagirl]

Why Pirates look like they do…

A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't
Seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible." "What do you
mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a
Cannon ball, but I'm fine now."

The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What
happened to your hand?"

The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and
got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook
but I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds
flew over. I looked up, and one of them pooped in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just
from bird poop."

"It was my first day with the hook."

[dr_bar]

Vancouver severe weather article Canadian Press, 
February 23. 2011
 
 
Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter 
hell today, as an additional ¼  centimeter of the peculiar white stuff 
fell,  bringing the Lower Mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars 
worth of damage to the rx crops. Scientists suspect that the substance is 
some form of frozen water particles and experts from  Saskatchewan are being
flown in. 
 
With temperatures dipping to the almost but not quite near zero mark,
Vancouverites were warned to double insulate their lattes before 
venturingout.
 
Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for 
emergencies,   such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see 
them through Vancouver ' s worst storm to date. Local Canadian Tire stores
reported that they have completely sold out of fur-lined sandals.
  
Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and 
several have been shocked to learn that their SUV's actually have four wheel drive,
although most have no idea how to use it.
  
Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen 
breast implants.
Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health Authority reassured 
everyonethat most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25 below; however,
down-filled bras are flying off the shelves at Mountain Equipment Co-op.
  
"The government has to do something," snarled an angry 
Trevor  Warburton. "I didn't pay $850,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit 
around and be treated like someone from Toronto ."

[totalmotorcycle]

"The government has to do something," snarled an angry
Trevor Warburton. "I didn't pay $850,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit
around and be treated like someone from Toronto "

LOL!! Funny.

[dr_bar]

For all my grammatically correct friends. (I stole this from another site....)


On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on anearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for.

The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder,warned,'This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say'1-2-3.'
When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."

The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked,"How do I stop the medicine from working?"

"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes,and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

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And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end
our sentences with a preposition, because we
could end up with a dangling participle.

[blues2cruise]