Funny But True News Stories #1 - An ongoing series

[totalmotorcycle]

Burglars held after calling police
Friday, February 25, 2005


COPENHAGEN, Denmark (AP) -- When two Danish burglars realized someone had stolen the keys to their getaway car, they reacted like honest citizens and called the police.

Police said they were only too happy to help, and arrested them after they confessed to breaking and entering.

The men, identified only as an 18-year-old and a 20-year-old, broke into a summer cabin late Wednesday near Kaldred, 90 kilometers (55 miles) west of capital Copenhagen.

As they carried their haul to the car, they were confronted by a passer-by, who witnessed the break-in and insisted that they return the stolen property.

To ensure they couldn't get away, the passer-by took the keys from their car, and refused to return them.

"The two young men then called us and said they needed our help getting their keys back," Chief Superintendent Asger Larsen said on Thursday.

He said the two realized that without the keys, they would have to leave their car at the scene, which would put the police on their trail and lead to their arrest anyway.

"It's a pretty straightforward case for us, since this time, the thieves actually reported the robbery," Larsen said.

He declined to release the names of the suspects or the passer-by.

[totalmotorcycle]

Road kill candy angers animal rights activists
Kraft: 'We didn't mean to offend anyone'
Friday, February 25, 2005




TRENTON, New Jersey (AP) -- Animal rights activists are disgusted by a new candy from Kraft Foods Inc. that's shaped like critters run over by cars -- complete with tire treads.

The fruity-flavored Trolli Road Kill Gummi Candy -- in shapes of partly flattened snakes, chickens and squirrels -- fosters cruelty toward animals, according to the New Jersey Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

"It sends the wrong message to children, that it's OK to harm animals. And that's the wrong message, especially from a so-called wholesome corporation like Kraft," said society spokesman Matthew Stanton.

The society is considering petition drives, boycotts and letter-writing campaigns to get the candy pulled from the market, Stanton said.

After receiving a complaint from the NJSPCA Wednesday, Kraft officials pulled an animated advertisement from Trolli's Web site that featured car headlights and animals.

No other decisions on changes have been made, said Kraft spokesman Larry Baumann.

"If you look across the Gummi category we certainly have many products that are offbeat, and that's what we were doing in this case," Baumann said. "We didn't mean to offend anyone."

[totalmotorcycle]

Cocktail history shaken and stirred
New museum delves into higher mixology
Monday, February 28, 2005 Posted: 1944 GMT (0344 HKT)




NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana (AP) -- Start with hundreds of antique liquor bottles. Add Art Deco cocktail shakers, vintage swizzle sticks and Tiki cups. Mix well. Serve inside an 1823 French Quarter town house.

The result: The Museum of the American Cocktail.

The brainchild of highbrow alcohol enthusiasts who enjoy talking and reading about liquor nearly as much as consuming it, the museum is an institution of higher mixology, complete with an annual scholarly journal, a library and monthly seminars for bartenders with a thirst for making tastier drinks.

"It's something we've been talking about for years -- people who are really into the cocktail and the impact the cocktail has had on American culture over the last 200 years," Dale DeGroff, author of the 2002 book "The Craft of the Cocktail," says.

The museum opened last month, with shelves full of drinking paraphernalia, plus a timeline tracing the American cocktail from the early 19th century to Prohibition to drink's heyday in the 1930s to the cocktail revival that began in the 1990s.

But the collection needs a permanent home. Part of it is now on display on the second floor of another quirky Big Easy institution, the New Orleans Pharmacy Museum. The founders are looking for permanent space in the French Quarter for thousands of drink-related antiques, with extra room for their library, which contains thousands of books -- many from the 1800s -- about drinking, bartending and drink recipes.

It's billed as the only cocktail museum in the country. Naturally, it will have a bar. The plan is for a bartender to serve nearly forgotten drinks, such as the whiskey swizzle (rye whiskey, soda, lime juice, sugar, aromatic bitters) or the sherry twist (cocktail sherry, orange juice, Bourbon, lemon juice, Cointreau).

"It's going to be a tourist attraction, an important part of what the French Quarter has to offer," says DeGroff.

American institution
The exhibit begins in 1806, with the first known printed reference to the term "cocktail," in The Balance and Columbian Repository, a Hudson, New York, newspaper. In response to a reader's request, an editor defined a cocktail as "a stimulating liquor, composed of spirits of any kind, sugar, water and bitters."

An American institution was named. Its roots were in such European drinks as punches and toddies. The liquor was Scotch, rum or gin. Other elements were a liqueur such as creme de menthe or apricot brandy, and possibly a wine, Madeira, Port or sherry.

"The people who came here from Europe, they brought with them very strong beverage traditions of their own. We basically put them all together in one glass and called it a cocktail," DeGroff says.


This poster featuring prohibitionist Carrie Nation is among the items on display at The Museum of the American Cocktail.
Technology spurred the explosion of the cocktail's popularity in the mid-1800s. Cheaper ice machines meant easier access to a key ingredient. So did the invention of small, reliable gas compressors that could fit behind bars and make bubbly mixers such as soda water.

In 1862, a bartender named Jerry Thomas published the first known book of mixed drink recipes -- there were 10. Barman Harry Johnson published the first guide for bartenders in 1882, advising his peers to "treat all customers with the utmost politeness and respect."

The museum's Prohibition-era items include bottles of nonalcoholic gin -- used to add flavor to acrid "bathtub gin" -- and the government forms that doctors filled out to "prescribe" booze to their patients.

The exhibit, much of it from curator Ted Haigh's private collection, brings the visitor through the Polynesian "Tiki" drink craze of the 1940s and 1950s and the "swinger" cocktail lounges in the 1960s and 1970s, complete with alcoholic board games such as "Booze It Up!"

'Savoring something special'
But boozing it up is not at the top of the museum's menu. Its founders savor their drinks but also view alcohol and its importance in history with a sober eye, from the Whiskey Rebellion to Prohibition to the demise of the three-martini lunch. The museum treats the cocktail with respect, as the first food or drink to become famous around the world as a purely American creation, says Robert Hess, a museum founder who is a group manager at Microsoft Corp. in Seattle.

"The cocktail is approaching 200 years old now, and it's actually fairly misunderstood," says Hess, creator of www.drinkboy.com, a cocktail-themed Web site. "A lot of bartenders have forgotten the correct way to make them."

That seriousness is clear from the articles planned for the debut issue of the museum's journal, Mixologist: Journal of the American Cocktail. One article offers a history of the martini. Another explains the chemistry behind simple syrup. A third deals with absinthe, the popular liquor of the 19th century that was banned in the 1910s.

The attitude sits well with New Orleans bartenders who take pride in their jobs.

"A good cocktail is all about good ingredients and using tried and true recipes. It's not about just having drinks and slamming them down. It's savoring something special," says Bobby Oakes, a bartender at Arnaud's, an upscale New Orleans restaurant. "I think the museum is really going to fill a niche that needs to be filled."

The museum's founders say visitors will come to learn and to drink, just as tourists flock to New Orleans cooking schools that teach Louisiana cuisine. Another trend that will help, Hess says, is the country's growing taste for fine liquors such as single-malt Scotch and small-batch Bourbons and vodkas.

Plus, the museum should feel at home in a city that already has a boozy reputation. New York and San Francisco would have also been logical choices, DeGroff says, but New Orleans history is full of strong ties to the cocktail. It's the home of drinks such as the ramos fizz, the sazerac and the grasshopper. Southern Comfort was created here, as were the liqueur Herbsaint and Peychaud's bitters, a key cocktail ingredient that's been made in the city since the 1830s.

[totalmotorcycle]

Woman sentenced for exhuming lover's ashes
Tuesday, March 1, 2005




SHEBOYGAN, Wisconsin (AP) -- A woman accused of digging up and taking her boyfriend's cremated remains more than a decade ago -- and drinking the beer that was buried with them -- was sentenced to 60 days in jail.

Karen Stolzmann, 44, had faced up to nine months in jail on a misdemeanor charge of concealing stolen property. She was sentenced Monday, Sheboygan County District Attorney Joe DeCecco said.

DeCecco had recommended a six-month sentence.

"I kind of thought she should be punished more," he said. "Under these kinds of circumstances, this is just unexcusable."

Investigators accused Stolzmann of digging up the ashes of her former boyfriend, Michael Hendrickson, at a Columbia County cemetery possibly out of spite for his family.

Hendrickson was 27 when he died in 1992 from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. His relatives contacted authorities last fall after discovering his remains were stolen.

Beer and cigarettes buried with him also were missing.

Investigators were led to Stolzmann, who had lived with Hendrickson and was with him when he shot himself. Both were married to other people at the time.

Detectives searched Stolzmann's home, found her hiding in the shower and located the remains in her garage, authorities said.

Stolzmann also was ordered to pay restitution for metal plaques missing from Hendrickson's grave site, DeCecco said.

[totalmotorcycle]

popcorn star to debate at Oxford
Wednesday, March 2, 2005




LONDON, England (Reuters) -- In its 183-year history, the august Oxford Union debating society has heard the wisdom of Winston Churchill, Ronald Reagan and Mother Teresa.

But until now, its members have yet to hear from anyone with quite the same resume as Ron Jeremy, star of 1,700 adult films, including "Bang Along With Ron."

"As far as I know it is the first popcorn star to address the Oxford Union. I'm 99 percent sure of that," Peter Cardwell, spokesman for one of the English-speaking world's most respected debating societies, told Reuters.

Jeremy, who claims to have slept with more than 4,000 women, will address the union on Wednesday, joining countless British prime ministers, three U.S. presidents and political figures from the Dalai Lama to Malcolm X in its archival guest list.

"Ron is the biggest and apparently the best in the business, so I'm sure he'll have some fascinating stories to tell," said Oxford Union librarian Vladimir Bermant, who organized the event.

[totalmotorcycle]

Rice a building block in China
Tuesday, March 1, 2005 Posted: 1801 GMT (0201 HKT)


A sticky rice material may have been used to build the Great Wall of China.



BEIJING, China (Reuters) -- Rice fills the bowls on many Chinese tables -- and also the cracks in its ancient buildings, and maybe even the Great Wall, Xinhua news agency reported.

"The legend that ancient Chinese craftsmen used glutinous rice porridge in the mortar while building ramparts has been verified," it said in a report seen on Monday.

Archaeologists researching an ancient wall around the city of Xi'an, a former imperial capital and home to the famed terra cotta warriors, were stumped by the ingredients of a resilient mortar holding bricks together.

The hardened paste reacted similarly to glutinous, or sticky, rice in chemical tests, Qin Jianming, a researcher with the Xi'an Preservation and Restoration Center of Cultural Relics, was quoted as saying.

"Thus we can conclude that the sticky material was in the mortar," Qin said.

[totalmotorcycle]

Security door blocks portly police
Construction error blamed
Thursday, March 3, 2005



STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) -- Portly Swedish police have a new reason to work out thanks to a new security entrance at the National Police headquarters that won't let them in if they weigh too much.

A construction error in the recently remodeled security entrance, which has a built-in scale designed to only let one person at a time pass through the door, has caused some embarrassing moments for officers who may not have spent enough time exercising.

Those weighing more than 230 pounds (105 kilograms) who try to pass through the entrance are greeted by a recorded voice telling them: "Stop! One at a time!" and are not let through, police spokeswoman Linda Widmark said.

She said the scale is supposed to be adjustable to let people weighing up to 160 kilograms (350 pounds) pass through, but an apparent construction error is playing tricks on those with ample girth.

"We'll have to get that fixed," Widmark said. "We've got some big strong men around here."

The security entrance is mainly for visitors and police denied entrance can use other doors.

"There are other options for them," she said.

[totalmotorcycle]

BigBelly puts squeeze on NYC trash
Friday, March 4, 2005



NEW YORK (AP) -- The city is testing a high-tech trash can that uses solar power to sense when it is full and then automatically compact the garbage inside.

The BigBelly can's tryout began February 14 in Chinatown and then was moved to Tribeca on February 28, city sanitation department spokeswoman Taryn Duckett said Wednesday.

Duckett said it's too early to tell whether it functions as advertised. The city decided to try out BigBelly because manufacturer Westborough, Massachusetts based Seahorse Power Co. Inc. offered it.

The company claims that when garbage inside the BigBelly reaches a certain level, it is automatically compacted, making room for more. When BigBelly is full, a red indicator light goes on and it can even send out a wireless call for a pickup, the company claims.

BigBelly can reduce trash to a quarter of its original size, according to the company's Web site.

Officials say the can could reduce the number of pickups needed, cutting down on the diesel fuel used by collection trucks.

The Seahorse Web site does not say how much the BigBelly costs. A telephone message left for the company was not immediately returned.

[totalmotorcycle]

'Crazy big' breast implant being auctioned on eBay
Thursday, March 3, 2005



Tawny Peaks is shown on Ebay's site.

MIAMI, Florida (Reuters) -- A former topless dancer who was famously cleared of battering a Florida nightclub patron with her "crazy big" breasts has shed her oversized silicone implants and put one of them up for auction on eBay.

The woman known professionally as Tawny Peaks said on Wednesday she recently came across the implants in a box in her closet after watching a television discussion about crazy things sold on eBay and decided, "Why not ... I don't need it any more."

"Somebody might bid on it. It's like the first boob to be sued over in a lawsuit," she said.

Peaks said she would autograph the auctioned implant for the winner but would keep its mate "for good measure."

She explained that she had her size 69-HH implants removed and underwent breast reduction surgery in 1999 after retiring from the business to start a new life.

[totalmotorcycle]

Bubba the lobster dies after being moved to zoo
Thursday, March 3, 2005



PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania (AP) -- He dodged lobster pots for decades, endured a trip from the coast of Massachusetts to Pittsburgh and survived about a week in a fish market. But a trip to the zoo proved to be too much for a 22-pound lobster named Bubba.

The leviathan of a lobster died Wednesday afternoon at the Pittsburgh Zoo & PPG Aquarium about a day after he was moved from Wholey's Market, said zoo spokeswoman Rachel Capp and Bob Wholey, owner of the fish market.

"They're very finicky. It could have been a change in the water. You have no idea," said Wholey.

Bubba died in a quarantine area of the zoo's aquarium, where he was being checked out to see if he was healthy enough to make a trip to an aquarium at a Ripley's Believe It or Not museum, Capp said.

Bubba will be examined to try to figure out why he died, although Capp and Wholey guessed it may have been the stress of being moved.

Based on how long it typically takes a lobster to reach eating size -- about five to seven years to grow to a pound -- some estimated Bubba was about 100 years old. But marine biologists said 30 to 50 years was more likely.

Other large lobsters didn't fare well after they were caught, too.

In 1985, a 25-pound lobster that the New England Aquarium planned to give to a Tokyo museum died when the water temperature rose and the salt dropped in its aquarium. In 1990, a 17-1/2-pound lobster named Mimi died just days after being flown to a restaurant in Detroit. Last year, a 14-pound lobster named Hercules that was rescued by a Washington state middle school class died before it could be released off the coast of Maine.