Funny But True News Stories #5 - An ongoing series

[totalmotorcycle]

Eureka! We've made a black hole
17 March 2005




There's no longer any need to travel into space to spot a black hole - one might already exist across the Atlantic.


A fireball which bears all the hallmarks of one of the universe's frightening creations has formed in New York, scientists claim.


But there's no need to panic - yet. This manmade version is not set to swallow anything - except, perhaps, the science rule book.


It was created after beams of gold nuclei were smashed into each other at a rate close to the speed of light. The intense heat generated forced the beams to break down into particles and form a ball of plasma about 300million times hotter than the surface of the Sun.


Some particles were absorbed by the fireball in the same way that black holes absorb matter. But researchers had to be quick to measure what was going on - it lasted for just 10million billion billionths of a second.


The experiment could prove ground-breaking, scientists at the Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider told New Scientist magazine.


But others are not so sure. Ed Shuryak, a physicist at Stony Brook University in New York, said: "It's very useful in that it will inspire thinking in that direction.


"But it's going to be another thing to see if it produces any fruit."

Black holes are usually remnants of stars that collapse under gravity after running out of fuel.


They have long fascinated sci-fi writers and film-makers because of the unusual physics which surround them.


The Red Dwarf crew was attacked by five at once and even Disney made a fantasy about them in the 1970s called, appropriately enough, The Black Hole.

[totalmotorcycle]

Owner Of 'TIPSY' License Plate Gets DWI Charge
Mar 16, 2005



Moorhead, Minn. (AP) A North Dakota man charged with drunken driving probably wishes his license plate had a different moniker.

Josiah Johnson, 23, said his license plate, which says "TIPSY," might have tipped off the Clay County sheriff's deputy who pulled him over after he left Coach's Sports Pub in Moorhead, Minn. on Friday.

"I kind of felt like I was being harassed," the Argusville man said.

Johnson faces third-degree DWI charges after his blood-alcohol level registered twice the legal limit.

Johnson said he bought the personalized license plate for his Jeep to describe the way it rode -- then kept it as a joke when he got a Chevy Silverado because he likes to party.

"It doesn't mean I drink and drive," he said. "It just means I have a good time."

Johnson, who was slated to appear in court March 22, said he'll never drink and drive again.

"I feel really stupid," he said.

[totalmotorcycle]

Robber Jailed After Using Banana As Weapon

AP

LONDON Mar 16, 2005 — Robert Downey had the mask and the attitude to be a successful robber. But he ruined the effect when he tried to stage a hold-up at his local bookmaker's shop using a banana.

Noting the suspicious bend in the so-called "weapon," the clerk calmly called the police and on Wednesday, Downey was jailed for nearly seven years for attempted robbery.

Prosecutors at the trial at Southwark Crown Court in London said Downey, a drug addict, hatched his scheme to buy more crack.

Donning a mask, he headed for the bookmaker's shop, pausing only to get a banana from the greengrocer on the way.

In the bookmaker's, he pointed the fruit wrapped in a plastic bag, screaming, "I want the money or I will (expletive) shoot you."

This did not produce the desired effect: assistant Peter Humphrey calmly turned to a colleague and said: "He said he has a gun, but it might be a banana."

Downey then produced a pair of scissors, "but seeing no money was going to be handed over he ran out of the shop," said prosecutor Patrick Cahill.

When police arrived they found the 24-year-old nearby trying to pull off his over-tight balaclava. A police dog found the badly bruised banana still in its bag nearby.

Downey, of Chatham, south of London, pleaded guilty to one count of attempted robbery at William Claridges Ltd. in Tower Hamlets, east London, in November. He also admitted possessing an imitation firearm.

"You did say, although it may seem comic now but not quite so comic at the time, that in the bag was a firearm," Justice Paul Dodgson told Downey.

"As it's been pointed out by your counsel that was an attempt that met with no success. Indeed, your victims having guessed what it was, it was never going to succeed."

Downey's lawyer, Rajiv Menon, called the robbery attempt "farcical and incompetent."

"We have to face facts. It was a banana, not even a plastic gun, or something that even looked like a gun. Not only that, but neither of the bookies was scared."

[totalmotorcycle]

Brits toast mosaic record


A group of people with 400 loaves of bread in north-west England broke a world record by creating the largest mosaic of toast ever, a spokeswoman said.

The team in the city of Chester assembled 7,000 slices of stale bread, toasted to varying degrees from slightly golden to black, into three logos that covered an area of 65 square metres.

"We completed it by 5:05 pm and it looks fantastic," said a spokeswoman for the project, Jane Harrad-Roberts.

"There was great jubilation and lots of cheering and everyone was very happy," she said, describing the scene when the team beat a toast mosaic cooked up by Maurice Bennett, from New Zealand, in February 1999.

A rotating group of four-to-five volunteers started work at 7:30am in the Town Hall square on the project, which is part of the annual Chester Food and Drinks Festival.

"We wanted to choose a record that was linked with food," said a second spokeswoman Nerys Atkins, who pointed out that each piece of toast was stuck to the ground with jam.

The toast, which pigeons were already eyeing hungrily, is due to be scooped up and taken to the zoo.

The Chester food festival will run from March 26 to April 3.

-AFP